Child minder advice needed.

[Lalaloopsyscaresme]

Hi, I am looking for some advice.
I currently have a Dd (18months) being minded two days a week by a local childminder. The CM has advised me that her hours of work have changed due to her own childrens evening activities so she can't meet our needs, I think she basically wants me to change my working hours to suit this.
Obviously I can't and won't do this and neither can ny husband so we have agreed to look for someone else.
So what is the etiquette? Do I tell her we're looking and give her the opportunity to negotiate (although she didn't seem keen to do this)or find someone and then just give her notice? I'm absolutely gutted about this, I almost feel like she has done this to force my hand, and my dd was finally starting to settle with her.
It took me months to find her so I can't see finding someone new being straightforward.

Lala - I feel for you. You are in a very awkward predicament. You have to do what is best for you and your family. If you think it would be easier to look for alternative childcare, secure it and then give notice, then that is what you should do.

Your problem with telling the childminder that you will have to leave her and then start looking for alternative care is that you might be left without childcare. Obviously if she gets an enquiry after you have told her she is going to take on the new enquiry. She has got her family to look after (financially) and you have yours. You could then be left without childcare if it takes you some time to secure it.

I am a childminder and this is the nature of the job. Can end up very low paid work if you can't fill your spaces but if as you say childminders are like gold dust in your area, then I am sure your childminder will fill your childs space easily enough.

So if I was you I would start looking for alternative childcare and not tell the childminder until it is secured. Then give her the 4 weeks notice.

Tell her your looking because you can't meet her new hours, then look, then give her notice.

She can't possibly complain that you're moving when it's her whose changed the arrangements. She might decide to go back to your original agreement when she sees its not possible for you to accommodate. If she does, I'd keep looking to be honest!

Thanks tricky, I'm a pretty reasonable person and if I could accommodate her I would, and I do appreciate her children come first, just like mine does.

little I'm definitely going to look elsewhere. This has completely broken my confidence in her, which is a shame because I thought we were getting along so well.

So the contract you signed gives the hours minus the extra 15 minutes which were only verbaly agreed? Have I got that right?

A weeks notice to change contract seems wrong - but if you wonky verbally agreed the extra 15 min and don't have in writing then guess can give one week

Could you afford a nanny? Or look a nwoc usually a bit cheaper then single nanny

What are the other mindees parents doing?

blondes I'm not entirely sure, I'd say a few will probably be in a similar bind to us about this.
fudges yes, that's right.

I wonder if that was her intention to only do the extra 15 minutes for a short while all along, otherwise she would have included it in the written contract. I would personally find it hard to trust her now (I am a childminder by the way) and even if something could be sorted out I would want to find a new minder. If I was you I would give her 4 weeks notice and look for a new minder, I know you said it took along time to find this one but maybe now you know how it all works you might find it easier?

fudges I can't trust her at all now, she has done a few things that I've questioned (places she has taken my dd totally inappropriate but don't want to go into detail incase I out myself) but I have basically given her another chance, no more chances now unfortunately. I have a huge respect for anyone who is a childminder, not only that it's a tough job but there is alot of personal sacrifice involved and I understand that.
But at the same time i don't want to be made to feel like dd is some sort of inconvenience to her and I guess when it boils down to it, she is.
My SIL has a wonderful childminder who would do anything for her mindees, just wish she lived closer to me.

Yes childminders have to make a lot of personal sacrifices, but if they don't like it they are in the wrong job. I would hate it if my parents had the impression that their children were an inconviance to me. If you don't mind me asking, why did it take such a long time to decide on this minder? Now your looking again is there anything you could do to make it easier iyswim?

Well there was a severe lack of CMs in my area, I visited a couple but this one seemed so nice, accommodating, and nothing was an inconvenience to her. At the start.

I think personally think she has too much on her plate, she has alot of children, 2 of her own, plus mindees, all of whom are 6 and under. She is great in terms of activities with the kids etc. She really was the while package which is why I'm completely gutted about it all.
It's knocked my confidence, dd is such a lovely little girl, easy going, placid so it must be me? I don't demand, I don't hang around chatting but at the same time I'm friendly and we talk about a similar hobby we have and are the same age so lots in common.
Hard to know, thanks for your advice though, I know most childminders would see it from her POV and that's why I posted here, I want to do the right thing by her as up until now she has been on the whole very good and reliable.

I don't think you should think that "it must be me" she now wants her children to do these after school activities and they don't fit in with the children she is minding. She could have said no to her children but she has chosen to go ahead at the expense of her minded parents. I personally wouldn't have. All you can do now is look for another minder. You have learnt that it is essential to have everything written in the contract, no verbal agreements,as they can come back and bite you in the bum. Your little girl sounds lovely, and don't forget children are tougher when it comes to change than us grown ups are. And you sound like the ideal parent to me! Best of luck with your search for a new minder xx

I agree. I don't think it's you. It just seems to be that she wants to finish earlier so her DD can go to an activity.

Personally I think you are a bit rash to give up a good childminder for the sake of 15 minutes, twice a week. That earlier time was always her stated finishing time, but she was actually being generous/flexible with you by agreeing to extend it.

Can you do nothing in terms of shorter lunch/slightly earlier finish?

If she is good and your DD is settled then she might be like gold dust in the years ahead. School collection, etc.

Unfortunately, day nurseries are also equally liable to take a 'like it or lump it' approach if they know that they can fill places easily. Maybe not about hours, but about other things.

Tbh my childminder was great but I had to be there by 7.50 so she could do the school run, so I was always panicking if I hit traffic. This meant I changed my work hours but couldn't be flexible at all. We moved DS to a nursery and it's been great. They feed him all of his meals so the slight increase in fees is offset by he reduction in our food bill.

So you leave work at 5 - what time should you pick up?

How long is journey usually?

Cm dc has an activity that starts at 7 but doesn't need to leave as soon as you get there

So why can't dd stay another 15 mins till you get there - watching tv if need be?

blondes she said that it affected the time she gets to spend one on one with her children before they go to said activity, I don't want to imply that she is unreasonable but I do think she is, I only get one on one time with DD on days I'm off or for literally an hour before bed. And also at weekends.
She isn't a full time cm so she does get one on one time with her boys, it just sounds like an excuse if I'm honest, because she knows my hands are tied.
It takes me 40 mins to get from work to her house, 45 possibly if traffic is bad. It takes dh longer so he isn't an option for pick ups.

I woyld love to be flexible but I have already condensed my hours to work two days a week, I start work at 7am and that's the earliest I work. I have to be there until 5 because i help manage a department and because I'm only there two days I have to do my share of cover, otherwise my boss wouldn't have an issue with me skipping lunch to leave early.

She knew all of this when she agreed to mind my dd, I made it clear, and actually did query the contract but at the time she told me not to worry it was just the hours she had to write down.

So you get there 545 ish and she wants you to pick up 530

Tbh that's early for a cm. Most are open till 6ish

Obv her terms what time she finishes but she did agree to 545 .......

Yes, it is, and her opening hours on the local social services website state until 6.

It's all so stressful, I just wish I could afford to stay at home with DD, but I can't.

The more I read about your story, the more I think she might be trying to politely tell you she doesn't want to be your cm anymore.
Sometimes you just don't click with a child/they don't click with you, so it's best to end it rather than the cm not enjoying the dc/dc not enjoying going. It's not often it happens, but it can be an issue. I've seen it in nurseries to, we can't all like everyone for whatever reason.

This might not be the reason, I'm just saying it might be a reason.
I would start looking elsewhere, but ask cm for recommendations in case she knows of anyone your dc already knows.

Do you know what I'd do? I'd get a friend to call up and make an enquiry, just make sure she asks for the day of the activity and that she can pick up by 17.50. See what the CM says!