How much childcare do grandparents do?

[Tweetypie100]

Having issues with a pair that I know currently doing EVERYTHING and before I bang on about how reasonable it is, given I don't have kids, I wondered what the norm is...

My parents look after DS a few times a week, I moved back in with them (domestic violence) after leaving DSs dad so they help a lot.

Other side don't do anything were NC

OP it's not fair for your sister in law to force it on you lot! We live in a joint family too but I don't just assume someone can look after my DS I always ask

She doesn't force it all the time but yes if MIL tells her she can't have them she starts ignoring her (in one way you can see this as slightly amusing)

My children are 8, 6 and 14mo. Neither my mother or MIL have ever babysat any one of them, or ever spent anytime alone with them. They both live within a ten mile radius. They see the dcs if me or DH sort a visit, but we're always present too. Neither of them have any inclination to want to, we've never pushed it. It makes me quite sad TBH, I think it would be lovely for the dcs to have that true extended family security and warmth.

My PIL do no childcare or babysitting of any kind despite living very close (their choice) and as such have little to no relationship with my DC. They don´t spend any time with any of their 8 GC and so probably no-one will visit them in their care home later

My own parents live over 300 miles away and we tend to visit for half terms etc. They will always babysit so DH and I can go out for a meal and they are both great at getting up and giving the kids brekkie so we can have a lie-in. For the first time last summer eldest DC went up for a few days on their own and the two oldest are going up this coming year.

My DP and PIL are all 68 and in reasonable health. I must admit I am a little envious of those with on-tap childcare/babysitting.

Don't be envious - it's never no- strings.

Makes me shudder in here reading about all the GPs forcing their parenting opinions on people.

I stopped using GPs for childcare and paid for an extra day in nursery instead as my when my MIL looked after my DS she wound adhere to my SIL's "way of doing things" (I.e her own daughter) not mine (we had babies within weeks of each other).

I knew it wasn't fair to insist she did things "my way" if I was getting free childcare. I liked to stick to a semi regular nap schedule so my evenings were predictable rather than get home to a hysterical baby that had been carted around not napping all day (my SIL is anti routine) so now MIL comes to see DS on a purely social basis when I'm around so what I say goes.

Is she working and it has been agreed that MIL will mind them? Or is she just leaving them there to do nothing?

MIL needs to stand up for herself tbh.

Don't be envious - it's never no- strings.

Actually, that's not fair - GPs do sometimes offer help without strings attached. My amazing mum and dad moved across the country to be near us and dd. They pick her up from school twice a week, help get her to activities and do other ad hoc stuff when it's needed. They never interfere, only offer advice if I ask for it and follow our lead on how to handle stuff with dd. I know I'm really lucky and I'm immensely grateful for this.

Not saying this to make others feel worse about not getting help, but it's not fair to suggest that GPs only help because it enables them to butt in where their opinions aren't wanted. Some just do it because they love their kids and grand-kids.

Don't be envious - it's never no- strings.

Mine is. My parents respect my way of doing things and never force opinions on me or DS and don't expect anything back.

Shrug. Not all GPs are rude

Not saying this to make others feel worse about not getting help, but it's not fair to suggest that GPs only help because it enables them to butt in where their opinions aren't wanted. Some just do it because they love their kids and grand-kids

I agree

I'm a grandparent and look after my 5 year old 4 days a week. I take him to school and collect him and have him through the holidays.
I'm also a childminder so look after other children too.

Even if you think it's no strings now (and of course GPs don't look after DCs just to enable them to stick their oar in) if you expect free childcare eventually they will feel they are entitled to an opinion of some sort or they will do something in a way that isn't 100% how you'd do it and you will have to make a compromise. It's not like dropping them off at childcare and paying for a service. It's a favour.

eventually they will feel they are entitled to an opinion of some sort or they will do something in a way that isn't 100% how you'd do it and you will have to make a compromise. It's not like dropping them off at childcare and paying for a service. It's a favour.

It really isn't like that. My GPs never did it, I can't see my parents doing it because they're not like that. And if they did something I didn't like I'd be fine telling them and they wouldn't do it again because we all respect each other.

My GPs also look after my DC and they don't do it either!

Anyway childcare wouldn't do something that is 100% how you would anyway?

I'm sorry you had a bad experience with GPs but not everyone is like that

I'm glad it worked out for you.

I personally felt bad dictating to her how she should spend her day given I was getting free childcare and so decided to just pay for it instead.

My MIL is an absolute diamond and has helped me immeasurably in numerous ways both before and after we had kids - and that is why I feel uncomfortable treating her like a childminder/nanny.

Mrs I think it depends how you view it, I think if people are looking after my DC I have a right to say things I want/don't want and if they don't like it, they can say no and I can take him somewhere else. My parents are great with him, they don't force advice or get awkward if I disagree with something.

I'd personally rather have family look after DC because they're more likely to be similar to me than a stranger!

I don't treat them like a nanny, they're free to say "no I'm busy that day" but they like doing it and I'm happy with it.

Different things work for different people