Not sure about new nanny

[Ilovecrumpets]

I can't work out if I am over reacting or not.

We have a new nanny for the next 10 months to cover for our nanny's mat leave ( and I guess maybe longer if our nanny decides not to come back).

She is a friend of the existing nanny so the DC already knew her. Both DC already seem completely at home with her and settled - it has surprised me how quickly the eldest DC has settled as he has had his other nanny for 3 years. She is generally a bit reserved but very kind and patient with the DC. Excellent at all general nanny stuff and I have no worries at all that the DC aren't safe with her.

I do find her a bit bossy and judgemental but accept that this may just be me adjusting to a new nanny's ways. She is more strict with the DC, which isn't necessarily a bad thing and my eldest DC behaves particularly well for her.
Two things are bothering me a bit - the first one is probably me being silly but it feels like my eldest behaves with her as he does with his teachers at pre school - I never hear him laughing or being silly like he did with previous nanny. Everything just seems very regimented and serious.
The second concerns me more in that the nanny is leaving my youngest to cry in his cot for his afternoon nap for up to 30 minutes ( she does go in during this time). It is true that my youngest (10 months) is pretty terrible at napping and that does need to improve but I would never leave him to cry.
The nanny also wanted to drop his morning nap, which I have refused to do.

I have discussed this with the nanny but she is a sleep trainer and is adamant his naps have to be sorted to allow her to run the day and have time with the eldest DC. I do understand that and generally leave my nanny to do things how she wants. This particular issue makes me very uncomfortable though.

My problem is that I know that if I tell her not to do this she will resign - because she quite fairly feels that the parents and nanny have to be in agreement on this. In everything else she is a very good nanny and the DC are used to her. Also I did have difficulty recruiting as this was for a mat leave cover position.

I just don't know what to do. The majority of my friends and their nannies also leave their DC to cry at naps, so my DH just thinks I am being too soft.

What disturbs me is that childhood is about laughing and playing. So a nanny on a Mrs. Rottenmeier attitude wouldn't work for me. Kids have already to be serious and quiet at school. I am happy to let them be silly and funny at home.
Every child is unique so why should sleep habits be "one size fits all".
And not saying goodbye to the children? This is odd! Is there any bonding? I mean, what about the cuddles (who can resist cuddling a crying baby!) , tickles... She looks very distant to me. She is not managing and ruling an office, and organizing staff schedules, but children which have also emotional needs and she seems to complete ignore these.

Thanks everyone

Theaussieproject - I think you have summed up my concerns ( although she is a nice lady and not completely cold so it isn't nearly that bad - I wouldn't leave my children with someone who I thought wasn't nice to them!) but I do feel a certain amount of warmth and fun are missing. I'm not very good at doing silly stuff myself (although I try!) and our last nanny really brought that into the DC life.

I have decided to look for another nanny I think as, although a kind person who is doing her best, she just isn't right for our family. I do feel awful about doing this to her but am confident she will get immediate work ( she does other work in her holidays already) and will pay her more than her notice to try and soften the blow a little.

Gosh, I really wouldn't pay her extra notice to soften the blow. She has repeatedly refused to follow your instructions about how to best care for your children

Completely bizarre to wake baby up when he is happily napping in the morning, then leave him to cry when she thinks he has woken up too early in the afternoon.

She is supposed to be fitting in with your family, not your children having to adapt to fit in with her!

The not saying goodbye seems strange to me. Transitions are so important when a child is in childcare.

The sleep training depends, for me, on what the crying is like and how long it's been going on. If it's a week or so and he's just grizzling then ok, if he's screaming until he's sick as one of mine did, and it's gone on for weeks, that is obviously not ok. Where the cut off point is between acceptable and unacceptable, I'm not sure. I think you do need a conversation. Give her the chance to explain why she "needs" to do this. If she can't convince you, she shouldn't be doing it to your son.

At our nursery, our children did gradually get moved to a long nap after lunch. But AFAIK it was done at their pace. They slept in a room with lots of other babies, so it must have been done without anyone being left to cry, or they'd have woken the rest. Still, I suppose it's easier at nursery because there are other staff around to look after the older ones while the babies are getting off to sleep.