Where do I stand with nanny?

[Yabing]

Nanny has been with us for 3 years. In April we made her an offer for July this year (reduced hours but increased hourly pay), to account for a change in circumstances. She accepted this offer verbally.

Yesterday she told me that she was going for an interview today, and has given me one week's notice this morning.

The notice terms on her contract are 8 weeks, with a statutory minimum of 4 weeks due to her length of service.

I know that I cannot stop her from leaving, but if you have been in this situation before, please can you share how you handled it? I cannot think straight at the moment, as I feel so disappointed. I know that the first priority is to put new childcare into place. This is the first nanny that we employed, so not sure how to terminate the arrangement properly given the breach of contract.

Many thanks for your advice.

Sunshine - even if she didn't have the courage to decline the new terms 3 months ago (which I could understand if jobs are rare in that area), she should at least have talked to OP about it. People can find solutions when you discuss things openly!

If OP's nanny had spoken to her in person and said something like 'I know this will cause you difficulties, but I'm going to struggle with the lower income, and this job - which is perfect because of xyz - needs a quick start. What can we do?' I suspect OP would have released her nanny from the contract, and felt sad but not so incredibly let down. Rather than sending her a text (fgs!) presenting it as fait accompli.

I feel incredibly sad for my children, especially my youngest.

I don't think you should worry so much about this. It's wonderful that they love their nanny - they've had a great attachment relationship with her - but you are their primary attachment, and they really will be fine with a new nanny. Continuity of care-giving is important, but 3 years is a good, long stint and if your next nanny is long term too, that will be very good!

You feel really betrayed, and horrible about the way this has ended - but your children don't. They do pick up their emotional cues from you, so make sure you are positive and friendly to your nanny when she comes to say goodbye, and continue to speak well of her to them in future. Keep your explanations very simple and matter of fact, and only what they need to know. You say childcare isn't a problem for the next few months: if they will have you until term starts, then they won't look back!

Good luck in finding someone wonderful - I'm sure you will.

Thank you. I have told the children, and they are prepared to say goodbye to her. Understandably, they are upset and have asked if they will see her again. She is supposed to work next week, and they have asked if they can have one more day with her, which will probably happen. I can't really comment on how our friendship will pan out, I know she is upset too.

I have spoken to nanny. I understand why she did what she did. I hope her next job works out for her.

Looking at things from another perspective for a minute, did you give her written notice of your intention to change the terms and conditions of her job? Unless those changes were very minor, she could be entitled to be made redundant and given redundancy pay if was unwilling or unable to accept the new terms. She should also have been asked to accept the new terms in writing. She might be doing you a favour by simply finding herself a new job.

Hi,
Yes, we gave her written notice of the new hours and pay which she accepted verbally. It's my mistake that I did not ask her to accept in writing.

Anyway, we have met today and reached a conclusion.

Hopefully this is my final post on this thread!

I wanted to say a huge THANK YOU for sharing your perspectives. The last few days have been utterly horrible, but coming back to read this has really helped me to see from all sides. I hated the prospect of losing someone whom not only the dcs but also I had become close to, but amidst the shock and hurt, I could see why she had made the choice that she had. You have also helped me to see how I could manage such a situation differently if it happens again in the future.

We spoke a couple of times today and I think that our friendship will survive. I was really upset at the thought of ending on a bad note, and I know that she was too. I didn't see the point in us both continuing to be upset, and I feel much better now that we have cleared the air.