Nanny has lied...what should I do?

[CharlyWooplus2]

Would be brilliant if anyone could give me a bit of feedback! Sorry if a bit long! We (Me, DH, DS1 &2) went away on holiday for the half term week, and left nanny/housekeeper to look after the house. She normally does 32.5 hours per week and we asked her to spread them over the week, coming every day and using them to cook and freeze meals, feed the cat, do the housework and all of those bits and bobs that are impossible with the kids around...seemed a good way to do it - save her/our holiday and know the house was occupied.

All seemed fine, exchanged a few texts and she reassured me all was well. Except, on final day we were away the burglar alarm went off. Seemed there was a fault. Alarm company advised me to check the log to see where/how it was activated, which I did when I got home. I discovered that there are whole chunks of days she hasn't been in and the some days for only 10 minutes.

I asked her about it without telling her about the log but to give her a chance to tell the truth, but she insisted she'd been in every day. I could kind of tell too, hardly any housework done, diet coke cans and plates stuffed under the sofa, no meals cooked and a thinner looking cat (!)

Otherwise, she's been with us 2 months...shy, good with kids, quite a few sick absences...not brilliant at housekeeping though not terrible, and nothing to indicate dishonesty.

There's no chance the log is wrong - it's accurate to the second. Gutted. What do I do? I hate confrontation. Should I care? Should I let it go? Argh, in a bit of a spin! Help gratefully received! :-)

What about the cooking & freezing of meals? Are there any in freezer?

I'm hearing you all - get rid! Thank you so much for the reassurance and advice! My gut instinct was this too. Probation expired 2 weeks ago - how typical is that?

My mum is suggesting that I wait to have the convo until I have cover so I can go to work. My DH says he can cover a couple of days a week childcare temporarily....we could limp on while i look in the background. At present I can hardly give eye contact as i feel like I know the truth...

ps - there were no cooked meals left, though she then cam in on Monday last week, left half way through day then took rest of week off sick. Today she said she cooked shepherds pie and lasagne but they're at her house...WTH?!

I think you went out of your way to accommodate when she wanted to be on holiday and she has blown your trust well out of the water.

As has been said, she could have had a really nice gentle week - done a bit of cooking, watched a movie or three while things cooked or cooled down, and if she'd only popped in briefly one or two days during the week to feed the cat but done a couple of other long days and she'd popped in at the weekend to feed the cat too (thus extra travelling compared with normal week) that could have been great and she could have worked the days to her advantage to be able to do things in the middle of the week that she wouldn't normally be able to do.

But to have done so badly - and to have lied so blatantly about it - would mean that I'd lose all trust and have to get rid of her. The killer (and could have been her, literally) is that she didn't bother to feed the cat. If she undertakes to feed a cat then she knows it's something she has to do every day. I'm not a big animal lover but even I know that cats need to be fed everyday, as well as the house being checked on. If she can do that to a cat then what is she doing or not doing for your dc - ignoring them or their requests for food, doing things she wants to do rather than things that they would prefer to do, choosing food she likes instead of what they like or what's good for them... Who knows, she might be different with kids but if she's already sloppy as a housekeeper and only two months in then it doesn't bode very well once she becomes more used to you and relaxes into the job even further - she should still be trying to impress you!

Can't see any way that you can keep her to be honest. Did you get her from an agency that you can complain to?

Does she have to come back or can you do it by email?

Pay her this week if you want too but she should be out. Poor cat

I was given notice in a nanny position half an hour before I was due to leave home. As per contract I was sent a weeks money so check your contract but she really has to go.

If she's only been with you for two months, she has no employment rights and therefore you dismiss for breach of contract. She was supposed to be working, she wasn't and she got caught. I don't think you have to discuss much with her apart from the facts.

Can your mum or a friend help out whilst you sort out alternative arrangements. That would be the worrying bit for me because I'd want her out straight away. It is gross misconduct by the way, and you have carried out an investigation and given her the opportunity to explain herself. She isn't actually entitled to notice but is to accrued holiday pay.

I'd get shot of her as soon as possible. She didn't look after your cat, do you really want her not looking after your children.

Another nanny saying you've got to let her go. I do something similar in splitting hours when my bosses are on holiday as I work 3 days a week usually (28 hours). I actually go in and get jobs done though!

Pump I'm a nanny/housekeeper, I am a proper nanny and do the housekeeping Some of us are happy to do both roles as long as it's doable!

I would think that lying about yuur hours to that extent is basically theft and therefore gross misconduct. I'm not an expert though.

Id get rid of her immediately. I appreciate that would make childcare difficult, but she sounds so unreliable that you've got no guarantees she'd be turning up anyway.

I would call her on the shepherds pie and lasagne being cooked at her house - you have no idea of what the standards of cleanliness are like at her house, nor did you agree to her doing them at her house, nor do you know what her fridge/freezer situation is like at her house or how well the food will travel and stay cold/frozen when she brings it over... Also sounds like she might have done it once you were back in case you called her out on what she did (or rather didn't!) do while you were away. Do you ask for receipts for ingredients or is there any way of seeing what she bought and when?

I know some of this is being incredibly nit-picky and maybe if she had asked you if that was an OK thing to do then you could have said yes or no as you wanted. But as you wanted her to go to your house to feed the cat and do other things rather than have her nominally log xx hours of time cooking in her own home (and would she have added in extra hours in lieu of using her own electricity or gas etc etc) then it's not acceptable.

Agree that the forthcoming conversation doesn't sound a good one but unfortunately I don't think you can delay it too long as otherwise she might say that you've taken too long to mention it and you obviously accepted what happened. Could you use an agency like sitters or similar for temp child care while you're looking for a permanent nanny? Alternatively there was somebody on another thread today or yesterday who had just qualified as a teacher and whose parents were withholding some of her money. She was wondering how she would find a job just for the summer - maybe you should contact her to see if she'd do some work for you over the summer! You'd have a known end date by when you'd need to have a permanent nanny sorted as she had a job lined up in a school in glasgow (I think!) for when schools go back there (slightly earlier to England) and she'd have some employment over the summer... search the threads, aibu or chat at a first guess, shouldn't be too difficult to find!!

I think that was very callous - not feeding the cat. Not at all a nice characteristic in a person and very undesirable when her job involves dependent children. I would definitely share your misgivings and would not be happy continuing to have her in my house, looking after my children.

I am a nanny and agree this is awful! I would have loved a week like that. ALways got loads I want to clear out/sort but in the 1.5 hr when toddler sleeps I don't get enough time to do it all!

You can't trust her :(

Thank you for that zipzap! I will definitely take a look, but it gives me an idea nonetheless as I guess who is to say what is an optimum amount of time for some people to take on work?

I have to say, the same though crossed my mind on the food - who knows what the hygiene is like? She is planning to bring it tomorrow, and again, when she told me today, I was so lost for words that I said nothing (crap, I know, but in the moment I just didn't know what to say), but I'm stewing here and can't accept the food, surely? I'm normally given receipts but so far haven't been, suggesting the expenditure is since we've been back from holiday...I plan to tell her that we can't use the food.

And thank you to everyone who has responded - really appreciate it! I think this makes it VERY clear what I should do... and probably tomorrow...

I have cooked stuff and brought it in when they were having work done on the kitchen. But my boss has been to my house and kids have stayed over at mine etc. And I have been with them 4.5 years not a few months!

Oh and I live exactly 1.2 miles away (measured it in car one day!) so no food going off on the trip issues.

Good luck for tomorrow. If she is lying about this then who knows what else about. :(

She doesn't live very far at all, it's walkable in 25 minutes or 10 on a bus. I guess I haven't been to her house so I don't know how hygienic her house or fridge is. That's why cat got my tongue (no pun intended!) when she said the food was at her house, as I didn't want to be openly suggesting her house was minging, lol! Didn't know how to put it nicely so said nothing at all....very silly me, but have been suitably bolstered so say something tomorrow /emo/te/6.gif.pagespeed.ce.7QCbzgu8RR.gif

Hahaha! That was my first, lousy, attempt at using an emoticon!!! Please ignore! I have clearly not got the hang of this!

What were you trying to express, Charly?
If it's any consolation, I didn't risk using any emoticons for over a year after joining MN as I knew I would get them wrong!

It'll be another year for me lousy!
Was meant to be an angry face, but have ended up laughing after the code appeared, so, I guess, after a stressful day, all good!

Definitely the right decision. I can't believe she would let your cat go hungry and leave your home in a mess. Hope it all goes well. Try looking on nanny job for a temp, in the past I've had parents contact me on there for temp cover.

get rid! im saying this as a nanny myself.
if she cant be bothered to turn up and feed the cat which is essentially a ready meal what do you think she is cooking your children? she sounds lazy.

Any Chance she could have left the alarm off /forgot to set so looks like she didn't come in as not dis alarmed?

Tho a skinner cat sounds like she didn't Feed it

In the end whether she has lied or not (sounds like she has) the trust has gone so you need to get to get rid

I am a nanny and I too say she has to go. Trust is the basis of all relationships and she has broken that.

If she didn't set the alarm wouldn't it look like she was there for longer than she actually was though Blondes? I'm guessing the log is showing that the house was alarmed at times when it might be expected that the Nanny might have been in the house.

OP, I imagine you've had some sort of conversation today, I hope it went well. Your Nanny sounds lazy and I don't think this bodes well for future employment with you, and lying is unforgivable particularly when you gave her an opportunity to come clean.

Who wouldn't take advantage of a quiet week to get some batch cooking, kids' room deep-cleaning, toys sorting etc done - I know as a parent, never mind a Nanny, that I'd relish such an opportunity! :)

Surely that's gross misconduct? She's lied, didn't turn up for work, didn't feed your cat etc. sack her and I wouldn't be paying her either.