Au pair claiming child had tantrum

[LUKYMUM]

Wednesday morning I found a missed call from home at 9am. I called back to be told that my ds had been rude and thrown everything everywhere.
Ds and au pair generally get on well and this is completely out of character. I am naturally upset but I told her I'll deal with it that evening. Nothing I could do from work.

I called home at 5pm (because they were on an outing during the day) and told my son to apologise and to write a sorry letter. I also cancelled time in the garden as a result.

I came home and spoke to au pair. She told me her version. I said it was really out of character and we could both see the potential trigger, but regardless it was totally unacceptable. I spoke to him this morning (without telling him her version) and it's entirely different. He didn't throw a tantrum, he didn't throw things around but he was upset with her. He had taken things off the hanger to find his hat, at her request. He made a mess but he was going to clean it up. (Which he always does).
Now I'm not one of those precious mums who thinks her child is always right. My son is quite articulate and usually honest.It's completely completely out of character.

I do find she lies about small things but nothing like this. I am 97% certain my son is being honest but I don't know what to do. She's a nice girl, been with us for a few months now. It's actually upsetting me quite a bit now.

Thank you for your perspectives. It's given me food for thought. I appreciate you taking the time to respond.

Luky it sounds like two things are happening your son exploring boundaries but also that you need a proper chat with ap about her attitude in terms of her hours, timing.
This can be very hard especially as ap are usually young and doing a lot socialising whether it be going out or social media. Especially as she has not been with you for very long. From experience it is best to get the bottom of issues fairly quickly.
We had a very lovely au pair who was terrible at mornings so we minimised these and her day really started from school pick up time to early evening.
I hope things improve for you.

OP you need to ignore a lot of the advise given already as there seems to be a lot of people posting about au pairs recently who have absolutely no experience with au pairs.

I live in aupairville. Lots of big houses with rooms for an au pair. Our local pub regularly has 40+ au pairs for au pair night. They usually look after school aged children, 25-30 hers during term time. School holidays its 2-3 full days and the rest camp. It's not good to put children in full-time camp especially if they have an au pair. Language course do not run in school holidays anyway. Your hours are absolutely fine, au pairs do full days in school holidays.

Personally, From what you said I think its probably 50/50, your au pair was tired and your son was naughty. It's best forgotten.

Going forward you need to make sure your au pair isn't too tired to work. When you give her the weekly schedule just re-iterate that this day is busy and she doesn't want to be too tired. Buy her a very noisy alarm clock if its a problem.
If its not working ask her not to go out that evening.
Our au pairs have always been very concientious....I don't think turning up on time and not being to tired is asking too much.

Thank you.

You should not be using an Au pair for sole care of an under 5 year old! Does she have first aid training? Is she insured? If anything happened whilst in her care you could be in big trouble with the police.
Stop being a cheapskate and employ a trained nanny!

how old is your son? and yes i see it like hsm, both are telling the truth in their eyes

but if the ap is calling you, means she feels she cant cope

How old is your son? it is quite difficult for us to form an opinion based on the facts you have given. A 2 year old having a tantrum compared to a 5 year old is very different.

karoleann I completely agree apparently some people giving advice about au pairs don't have them! Back in the real world, people use au pairs for sole care for children over the age of 2. Easy to call someone a cheapskate when you're speaking from a privileged position.

We do 'up' the pay a bit during the holidays to reflect extra hours, and also give either cash or a credit card with a daily limit for planned activities to encourage greater autonomy. Also some kind of activity camp a couple of times a week is great too, and lots of their friends are often there.

Cultural exchange, absolutely. But the girls I've had have all wanted the job experience as they've all (bar one) gone into caring professions; nanny, nurse, and the time spent here has looked great on their CV's. Also, we've picked girls who have come from families with siblings of a similar age, or extended families, or girls who have worked in a kindergarten before. I've found it's helped them have the techniques already in place for dealing with a tantrum/issues that crop up.

Still waiting age op :)