New nanny - am I being too harsh?

[Halojones2014]

Hello,

I need some advice on some issues with our new nanny.

DD1 has been in a nanny share with a good friend's daughter (both 3 in May) for the last year. The nanny is wonderful. I couldn't fault her and trust her completely with my daughter. However the share has sadly come to an end as both my friend and I now have 2 children each and this would be too much for our nanny. The nanny is staying with my friends family (very disappointing but I understand - she is very attached to my friends youngest who's just turned one and she's been with him since he was 4 weeks).

So I am one week into employing our own nanny for DD1 and DD2 (3 months). I am around most of the day (until she has settled in and I go back to work) but she has taken DD1 out to her usual playgroups in the morning and out on their own to the park in the afternoons. She is experienced, punctual and hard working. However, I'm not sure her approach to childcare fits with our family. She seems to easily lose patience with DD1, eg. over getting out of the door, meal times etc. and says things like "For goodness sake" and "just cheer up" in quite an exasperated/annoyed tone. She also doesn't sing / play games or seem to like DD1 that much. I'm thinking of letting her go but do you think this is too harsh? Can approach be learnt? Should I give it more time or cut my losses and start with the agency again?

Maybe? £10ph net. My previous nanny (the wonderful one) was on £10ph net and she felt that was the going rate. Just over £30k a year.

No, it's the going rate... Well. That is a mystery.Maybe you were just unlucky last time you were looking.

The fact you can be flexible whether 4/5 days and paying a good salary with lovely ages (baby and toddler) I honestly Can't see why you Havnt got lots of nannies applying via agencies :(

Least you have a quick exit from current nanny if you need IT - so maybe still search for nannies but see how the next few weeks go

What did she say about smacking? That's the bit that worries me :(

Get rid.

That salary is great and no wonder many newly qualified children nurse choose to nanny and not nurse :)

Perhaps have a longer recruitment period waiting out for better candidates, cannot believe agency isn't coming up with the "right" people for a job that's basics Mon-fri and pretty much"office hours".

Can you be more flexible with hours so could be 8-4 or 10-6 or is it fixed 9-5, would you consider nanny with own child for slightly lower rate.

Hope you find someone more suitable for your family

I would also get a new one, sorry.
As an aside, a bouncer's set of skills in keeping calm, negotiating, firm but fair, conflict resolution and confrontation avoidance would make them a perfect candidate for dealing with kids

You're right, GettingFiggy, the bouncer could have been a great choice!

The smacking conversation was strange. The day before I had wondered if she would smack DD1 if things were going a bit wrong. It was the lack of patience which made me wonder. The next day, without prompting, she said that the first nursery she worked you were allowed to smack the children. I asked if she was expected to do it. She didn't give me a straight answer but did say that the nursery was quite cruel...

Eastmids- I can be flexible with hours 8 til 5 or shorter days could also work. Basically, I will bend over backwards for the right person and worship the ground they walk on until DD2 goes to school.

I think she does have to go. Ultimately, I'm just not feeling right about it. I am going to find a kind, loving, fun nanny who isn't sick every month and turns up on time aren't I? She also needs to be tidy and not let DD1, or DD2 for that matter, walk round covered in snot....

I think I have also interviewed your bouncer/nanny. How many people could fit that profile She was great but didn't fit with us at the time. She pointed out that her training meant that she could spot someone dodgy in a public park a mile off which was an interesting point of the interview.

Your current nanny doesn't sound like an amazingly good fit. I suspect that she is a) quite task driven and routine focused and b) is finding it difficult to have you around, hence all the outings. If she's used to dealing with older children there's quite an adjustment heading back to the gruesome two's and terribly frustrating as to how long everything can take.

Personally, as a parent rather than a nanny 2yrs was a key point at which there needed to be plenty of fresh air for general good humour, eating and regular bedtimes. Roughness or brusque impatience would concern me though.

i would love someone to worship the ground i walk on sure you dont want to move to kent????

i know of a lovely nanny who may be seeking work maybe may time as her employers are moving up the road from me actually ................. tho she does have lots of tats and as noted on this thread some employers dont want that - mess me if you want to know more

and agree sounds like sge used to slap kids at nursery with permission which is a def no no

also wonder why her last family didnt take her on after her probation ...... maybe worth a call to them you could be a new employer asking

Are nurseries allowed to slap? Is it legal? I would be more than uncomfortable to work in a nursery where children are smacked and where staff is "cruel". I would report it to OFSTED I think to be honnest (although, I realise, you never know how you will react before you are in a situation).

Blonde, you are selling Kent so well, you make me want to move there

This was in the early 80's Bunny so legal then. Pleased your outraged though, thank god things have changed...

bunny so many couples move out of London once think about a family or start one. As I said green fields and walks to the pub in the country :) and fab train links

Weirdly enough it took my last perm family less time to travel to work from kent then when they lived in London - taxi to station and 22mins on fast train - tho most are 35 mins to CX - door to door in an hour compared to 1.5hrs + when they lived there

She sounds jaded to me. Smacking comment would worry me.

Thanks for all the responses. I let our nanny go this evening which was difficult but I think the right thing to do. I explained that our approaches are different and she immediately said, "I'm stricter and more old school," which sums things up really.

Fingers crossed my search for a replacement goes well...

sounds like she knew things werent right as well

sure the right nanny will appear x