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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Feel a bit uncomfortable, parents in bed

27 replies

getawaynow · 20/02/2015 22:02

Maybe I am being a bit precious but I feel a bit awkward. The mother in the family I work for text at 6:30pm to say bring the children up to me (she is in bed but not unwell). She naps and watches tv in her room at least one afternoon a week. More when she is off work.

Usually 1 or both parents are still in bed when I arrive, this I do not mind however I am uncomfortable walking into their room while they are in bed in the evening and dropping the children there. The dad always gets up and comes down at 6:30 however it happens less often with him sleeping in the afternoon.

Sometimes the children do not want to go up to their parent's room and I am told (when I go up to explain) to head on and they will come up themselves. The children are 3 year old twins.

Has anyone else been in this situation? Looking for a bit of advice.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Piratespoo · 20/02/2015 22:06

Why are they in bed in the afternoon, dare I ask?!!
You are looking after their kids while they sleep? Are they working nights or something?

Original poster

getawaynow · 20/02/2015 22:16

No they work regular hours. I'm paid well for my hours and I understand they need time to themselves etc I just would appreciate them coming downstairs to relieve me not just calling or texting.

OP posts:

BlackandGold · 20/02/2015 22:21

Do you mean that you finish at 6.30pm and are expected to take the children upstairs to the parent's bedroom before you can leave?

Blondeshavemorefun · 20/02/2015 22:50

Why do you feel Weird going into their room? They have asked you to?

Wouldn't bother me at all

OutragedFromLeeds · 21/02/2015 06:21

I've never come across this before!

It's a bit weird, but I wouldn't feel uncomfortable if they've invited you in. I'm assuming she's appropriately dressed? Just stick your head round the door and say bye before you go.

Victoria2002 · 21/02/2015 08:16

I have had two jobs that involved going into the parents room and I never felt uncomfortable as they had asked me to. One was where the parents lived a very luxurious life and often slept in or spent an afternoon in bed watching tv etc (they were rich enough not to work but had nannies 7 days a week-nice for some)! In another job there were newborn twins who would end up in their mums bed through the night. I would have to fish around under the covers to find them in the morning! (I know this is a serous safety issue but that's another subject). I never felt wierd about this as the parents are asking you to. Also I would not judge if people want to hire a nanny and spend their time in bed-it's their money and their time, I don't think weather you're working night or not makes a difference.

Blondeshavemorefun · 21/02/2015 08:25

Guess as I work nights a Lot as a night nanny to newborns im used to going into parents room ether with baby If mum bf or in morning to give quick recap of night and hand monitor over

Over the years I have seen most of my Bosses in various states of undressed or even as one DB did walk about naked the odd morning from Bathroom to his bedroom at 8am when he knew I started then. Just told him to put clothes on lol

Ebb · 21/02/2015 09:04

I used to have one parent who would call me to take baby from her in the bath. There were plenty of bubbles but I still found it a bit odd. In bed, wouldn't bother me at all. How lovely to have the luxury of an afternoon nap!

Original poster

getawaynow · 21/02/2015 09:16

I actually find getting a txt or someone shouting for me to bring the kids upstairs quite rude. This is my issue I know not theirs.

It's not the state of undress, dad often in boxers in the morning and mum changes in the kids room if going out while I am there as her fancy clothes are in their wardrobe.

Yes I have to drop them up before I leave.

It wasn't an issue when the kids were younger as they would happily go upstairs and watch the ipad but now they fuss and don't want to. They also cry and want to come with me so I have to explain why they can't and try and engrosse them in some other activity before I leave. I can't just run out the door as they try and follow me, it's just an uncomfortable situation and I would just prefer the mum to come down and do a normal handover.

I have also had to wake them on occasions, I did mention setting an alarm but nothing changed.

I was back from dinner and drinks with friends when I posted last night so conscious I had a few vinos I didn't want to divulge too much however reading my post back it doesn't actually explain why I feel uncomfortable so sorry.

OP posts:

Original poster

getawaynow · 21/02/2015 09:17

Ok I'll give it to you, taking the baby from the bath is definitely stranger!

OP posts:

juneybean · 21/02/2015 09:21

God yeah I would want a normal handover too. I work for a family where I work whilst they sleep usually on a weekend morning but they always come down at home time to take over!

Ebb · 21/02/2015 09:25

Can you talk to the family and suggest the children are finding it harder at handover and it would be easier if the parents came downstairs?

Original poster

getawaynow · 21/02/2015 09:30

I can try but considering asking them to set a phone alarm so I didn't have to wake them up went down like a lead balloon I'm not sure if it will make a difference, however I'll definitely talk to them. It would be easier for the children too so fingers crossed.

OP posts:

forago · 21/02/2015 09:31

I think that's exceptionally lazy to not be arsed to make the effort to come downstairs to do a handover. Especially when you've had the luxury if a day in bed already. Sorry to be judgy but there you go. Do they do very demanding jobs?

QueenBean · 21/02/2015 09:39

forago that is terribly judgemental. Irrespective of how demanding their jobs are its their time and their lives.

If it's in the best interests of the children to change the routine then op should speak with the parents but otherwise, they are the employer and I've certainly heard of weirder.

Not fair to judge them on their "laziness"

minipie · 21/02/2015 09:39

Sounds like the parents don't actually wake up when the dc are dropped in their room - so the dc are bored and maybe that's why they want to come with you?

perhaps there is a middle option of taking some toys/books etc up to the room with the twins so they have something to occupy themselves?

I think it's pretty odd and rude of the parents not to wake up at handover and hear how the day has gone, play with the dc so you can go, etc. I wouldn't be too worried about the bedroom thing - it's the not wanting to wake up and engage the children so you can get away that's the real problem I think.

Artandco · 21/02/2015 09:45

I think it's rude also. Fine if parent is actual ill in that they can't get out of bed, but if they can and are about to be looking after x2 3 year olds they should come down

I think passing baby to mum in bath or bed is more normal, as that is what many maternity nannies do, but maternity nannies are more for baby and mother, not just children as with regular nanny

forago · 21/02/2015 10:29

No, its lazy, sorry.

forago · 21/02/2015 10:40

unless there's a reason for it of course such as I'll health, been up all night working etc - but that has not been mentioned thusfar.

being a parents involves a bit of self sacrifice and putting in of effort, this would be a red flag to me.

MinceSpy · 21/02/2015 10:46

OP it feels rude and lazy to me. Do they pay so well that it's worth putting up with their behaviour? If it doesn't I'd be looking for a new position.

jkdnanny · 21/02/2015 11:18

Tbh it wouldn't bother me going in their room if they asked me to. I would think it was a shame that they couldn't come down to spend time with their kids but ultimately, that's up to them. I would make the kids go up though, that would be non negotiable as I would feel awful if I left them downstairs and something happened, even if it was by parents request. Even if it meant they went up their screaming I would have them upstairs. That actually might encourage the parents to come down

dashoflime · 21/02/2015 11:21

"it's the not wanting to wake up and engage the children so you can get away that's the real problem I think"

This would worry me too, OP. I also agree- it sounds like the parents don't properly wake up when the kids are there.

Do you get an impression of how well they are cared for when you are not there?

Original poster

getawaynow · 21/02/2015 12:07

Parents are awake when I leave. I don't like waking them but this has happened bout half a dozen times. More often they are finished sleeping and watching tv or talking on the phone when my finish time arrives.

They do have demanding jobs but I previously worked for doctors who were on call and worked crazy hours and never had this issue. They also have a lot of holiday time which obviously is great for them and it's none of my business what they do in their free time but 6:30 is when my free time begins and I feel they should respect that by having a proper handover.

I understand what your saying jkd and normally the children listen and do as they are told but when the parent says to leave them in the playroom I have to respect their wishes. I always leave them with something to do. They are great kids but I personally wouldn't leave them downstairs while I'm upstairs however that's not my call. I'm not a parent. There was a thread only recently about leaving children downstairs watching tv so parents could lie in, a lot of parents are comfortable doing it.

Also the mum hears the kids fussing when I try to leave and still doesn't get up to help but I'll try it anyway.

I don't think they are neglected as they are bathed, fed, teeth brushed etc before I leave and go to bed at 7. The granny cares for them on Saturdays so only have Sunday with the parents. There are leftovers from a roast dinner on monday morning or sometimes they are out for lunch so I know they are fed and they are happy children. They do go out every few sundays with their parents too and visit playcentres, cinema etc and the parents read to them most evening.

OP posts:

Original poster

getawaynow · 21/02/2015 12:09

Btw I don't want to leave the family. I chose the name as I've just booked my Easter holiday and would love to be going now!

OP posts:

HoggleHoggle · 21/02/2015 12:19

I think it's really horrible that the parents would be upstairs, and could hear their dc being obviously upset that you are leaving. You leave, the door shuts and then what do they do? They're still young, of course they're upset when left alone.

I also agree it would be more respectful to have a formal handover even if they just got out of bed for 5 mins so that the handover happened, the children had their parents there etc rather than being left alone. They could go back to bed after if it's really that big a deal...

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