Settling in period at a childminder

[LittleMissChangeMyName]

We have just had a very unsatisfactory experience with settling our 1 year old at a CM. I feel we weren't given enough time to settle DC in, in total we had about 6 or 7 individual sessions before my return to work some of which were only 1 hour long.
What do CMs usually offer? I had initially pencilled in 10-11 sessions over a three week period with the CM of several hours each but in the end the CM didn't have enough capacity.
Thanks!

At nursery, it was:

1h in the room, parent and child
1-2h parent out of room but onsite
2h in the room, parent offsite

Then start.

I started. ds1 a week before I went back to allow for any issues.

At the CM when he was older, it was one hour or so with me there, one afternoon without (which was redone as he was a bit poorly and grizzly that day so CM didn't feel it was a fair test)

10/11 is massive.

Cm here too. I would do similar to others as in 2 or so one hour visits with a parent then 2 or so one hr visits without parent. Then short morning, longer morning plus lunch, lunch then afternoon, short day to include lunch and nap then full day. I try to be flexible and prepare everyone for 'proper' days. All paid at my usual hourly rate. But I can only have 3 pre school children and if there's not a gap between one leaving and one starting there may have to be a shorter settling period which needs juggling.

sorry but I think your expectations are wildly unreasonable. dd had a 1 hour session with the cm and should have had a second 1 hour with her before starting however 6 inches of snow put pay to it.

She has settled in fine and had never been left with anyone before. I think you are massively over playing it and are in danger of being "that" parent.

I do about 3 settling sessions, one with parent, one with parent in other room doing paper work and another with a proper drop off & go. From settling dd in 2 nurseries they seem to settle quicker at cm as its only one person and a couple of kids. I'm very child led though and happy to do more sessions if needed. I've had children do all variations from no settle to 12 sessions.

I'm not quite clear. Were you paying for the whole day but only using part of the day for your settling in visit? If so, then although I really doubt it was necessary, if the childminder was happy with it, then it was up to you. If you were expecting to pay for only a couple of hours on 10 or 11 separate days, then you are being completely unreasonable as the childminder would then lose income for the rest of the day.

Wheresthelight, I am not 'that' parent whatever you mean by it. I never complained, just went with what the CM offered us. Now 3 weeks in things didn't work out and I am trying to work out why and was wondering if the settling in was not enough. This thread has shown me that what we were offered was adequate.
My DC did make progress in getting more confident in the first couple of weeks (just re-read the CM's daily notes/pics) but then became unwell and needed lots of holding - which the CM found too much.
Anyway, thank you everyone for your comments, it's good to get different perspectives.

Do you hold her a lot at home?

Perhaps your little one was just a bit too ill to go. I don't think more settling in would've made the difference if she was too poorly to be put down.

LuckyLopez I wouldn't have thought so but since about 7 months she has had quite a bit of separation anxiety. She is ok being in another room to me (our house is not open plan so this happens all the time) but she panicks if the door closes. When we are at someone else's house she usually needs a bit of time to come off my lap but then eventually happily roams around.
AKnickerfulOfMenace this is what I am suspecting too. It's difficult isn't it. It was just a bad cold but I did not really want to take the time off work just for that, especially as she had started really well at the CM. I think her poorliness just went on just that little bit too long and then she got a stomach bug as well.
Anyway, hopefully the next place works out!

Yeah, if she'd been there a few months already, it might have been ok, but I doubt if another 4-5 sessions before the illness would've made a difference.

Can your DP take time off if she's sick? It must be hard when you've just gone back.

cm here too, and I offer much the same as what's already been said upthread. I'm wondering if there's something else troubling you, or if it is just the usual anxieties of leaving your baby with someone else? Did you feel you the baby and you self gelled with her? Or, as already mentioned, do you just not feel ready because she was poorly at settling? Did the CM make you feel like it was an inconvenience to hold your baby so much? I don't know enough of the general relationship to judge, but I'm wondering if you're just not sure about the CM?

Sorry, just read all of the comments and release your baby is going elsewhere now. Hope that works out better this time.

*realise

sweetboysmum, it was the CM who decided that she didn't want to look after DD any more - well, she only offered us to do half days until further notice which does not help us. And yes, she did pretty much say it was an inconvenience. slightly different choice of words. Looking back I guess the relationship, short as it was, was lacking warmth but it's hard to judge now as my feelings are slightly clouded now.

I think the number of settling sessions offered was well above the norm, but then I think settling in is more about helping the parent to let go than about helping the child to be comfortable.

I think the illness - a nasty cold and then a tummy bug - may well have scuppered any settling that was going on. Most childminders will make it clear that a child who is too ill to take part in normal activities is too ill to attend. Quite apart from the risk of cross infection, it is simply not fair on the other children to have one who needs constant one to one care, and common sense dictates that what they really need is their parent in this situation. The settling in period also allows the childminder to assess whether the arrangement is going to work and I think it is understandable that she would conclude otherwise if she had to deal with a sick child to the detriment of her care of her other children. Parents of other children may also complain in these circumstances.

Jinxx, I don't think parents can realistically take time off work when the child has a runny nose and some cough. When she got the tummy bug I kept her at home and she didn't go to the CM's for five days. So actually, on reflection she was only at the CM's for 2 weeks and a bit. Isn't it still acceptable for a baby to be wanting to be carried so little time in?
In any case, we have found an alternative for her now and fingers crossed she will settle there.

LittleMiss, I don't think it's so much the cold, it's the cold in combination with having just started.

Aknickerful yes you're probably right. just hope the next place works out. It's all been very stressful.

I am a CM ..I offer one settling in session for 2-3 hours.. this is after visit with parent.

Parents wanting any more pay for it. Some have come no settling in. Some take longer to settle in than others.

I have never heard of that many settling in sessions. I think if it has broken down at this stage better now and hopefully she is happier at next setting

Sure enough 6 or 7 sessions should have been enough (way too much actually) to go gradually

Session 1 : 1 hour with a parent

Session 2 : 1 hour without a parent

Session 3 : 2 hours without a parent

Session 4 : 3 hours without a parent

Session 5 : 4 hours without a parent

Session 6 : 5 hours without a parent

Session 7 : 6 hours without a parent

Bur really, I think the problem here is that your are too anxious, your daughter can feel it, the childminder must be annoyed by such a long settling period and dealing with over anxious parents... That's not a good way to start and settle anyone