Au Pair ok with kids but driving me insane

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I've had au pairs before and all has been great. Are current au pair however drives me to distraction as a housemate. She's messy, inconsiderate and just plain odd. She does stop things if asked but she has no common sense so has to be asked to stop so many things: can you not Sykpe in the living room when we are all in there? can you not use the family bathroom to take a bath when you have your own ensuite bath and it's kids bath time? Can you not listen to headphones while sitting downstairs with me in the evening? Can you not eat 2nds, 3rds and 4ths before we have eaten our firsts? Can you not him loudly while sitting at the dinner table with us.

Her presence is like fingers down the blackboard to me but I have to admit she is good with the kids.

She's meant to be with us for 8 more months. I want her to leave now but can I give her notice when she's good at her core job? How do I phrase it without being horrid?

Sure they are, but they aren't the senior adults.

sounds like you've got someone else's spoiled teen there. All these things are 'treat house like hotel'.

tell it like it is, and if she won't change, she's going home.

So it's 'senior adults sit in the front of cars' that is the social convention.

Wonder if you can get that on a bumper sticker?

I'm an adult, and quite an old one, but if I'm in someone else's car, will give the people who own the car (inc the driver's spouse) priority for the front seat unless I am invited otherwise. It's basic manners.

See annie in that case I'd say the owners of the car are senior in priority but if you are elderly or disabled or in any other way in higher need then the car owners should offer. But you wait to have the front offered, you don't presume.

'Senior adults sit in the front of cars. Unless it isn't their car, then they sit in the back. Unless they're elderly, disabled or in any other way in higher need. But they need to wait until the front seat is offered'.

That will never fit on a bumper sticker . You need something more catchy.

:) :) have you got my last AP?

We terminated her contract - since then, I can breath again. My heartburn is getting better, and I don't dread the time spent at home anymore...

We did have a chat last Dec, and things did not improve, so I simply told her that things were not working out, and that her contract would terminate 2 weeks on. Followed 2 very odd weeks, but still worth going through the trauma.

good luck

My first au pair used to skype or watch films in our kitchen and shut the door! She was otherwise very good but I stupidly got past the point when I felt I could tell her this was not on. I obviously used to go and do whatever I would otherwise do, propping the door open as I went but she carried on doing it.

With the next one I mentioned at the beginning that if she wanted to be downstairs and skype or similar that she could do it in the front room which we don't use a lot. She never did though.

Re the front seat, I'm glad this has been clarified as I have felt guilty about not inviting au pairs to sit in the front. DH usually drives and I am really carsick so it is a big deal for me to invite someone else to go in front. But it is not that much fun sitting in between the baby seat and DD's booster so I wasn't sure if I was being mean. However I am talking about family days out when au pair is invited but not obliged to come so I hoped this was OK.

Could she transfer to another family in the UK? I think it is perfectly reasonable to say that as people living in the same house, you are incompatible, but you can recommend her skills looking after the children.

I find some of your list a bit weird tbh. She isn't one of your children so you cannot expect her to know what you think is good manners. I also don't think you can expect her to behave like one of your kids. She is essentially living with you and working to earn her keep. Yes, she is meant to take part in meal times and general family life but she shouldn't have to feel she must be on her best behaviour when around the family. The head phones thing is simply bizarre. How can it hurt you that she listens to music downstairs?? I think you are not really cut out to have another adult in your home really. You see her as a child and that really isn't going to work out.

When living and working in someone's home it is a strange situation as you're not technically family but neither are you a guest. An au pair shouldn't have to be on her best behaviour all the time but she should be respectful towards her hosts, courteous and abide by house rules (regardless of whether or not some MNers find them odd!)

The things the OP has qualms with should be common sense, IMO but there may be cultural differences that mean they're not so obvious to the AP. She either needs to be explicitly told to stop or perhaps helped find another family.

Just to update: we told her our requirements had changed and she quickly found another host family. We now have a new au pair and although its early days she seems great with the kids and pleasant to live with.

My advice to anyone not enjoying sharing a house with a difficult au pair is to bite the bullet quickly and get rid. Some people just aren't compatible. Its sooooooo nice feeling calm and comfortable in my own home again.

Great news. No not we are not all compatible and as you had said that this was the first au pair that you had felt this way about, I was sure a change would be good for everyone.

I think you are not really cut out to have another adult in your home really. You see her as a child and that really isn't going to work out.

No, the OP is not cut out to have this adult living in her home. She has had previous au pairs, and it's been fine.

It's a basic incompatibility issue, which is perfectly OK. We don't all get on with everyone, let alone tolerate every personality in our own home.