MIL to be childminder - any concerns?

[ElleDubloo]

We've been planning what happens when I go back to work, which will be full-time, when DD is 9 months old. MIL has offered to do the childcare, she'll retire early, in return we'll pay her £1000 a month. OH and I both work RIDONCULOUS hours and so it's a generous offer on her part, because she's aware she'll need to cover nights and weekends at times. (She doesn't like her current job and she absolutely loves DD.)

We've agreed it verbally among ourselves, but haven't confirmed it yet. And in the meantime I'm having some niggles in my mind, which I'm finding it very hard to express.

Would you have any concerns with the above arrangement?

What are some things we should be aware of / prepare for?

Legally, she's going to pay tax and NI contributions out of what we give her. Is anything else required?

What are some of the challenges on the more personal/emotional side? We get on well at the moment, but I'm already getting upset at the thought that DD will start loving MIL more than she loves me...

Agreed outraged. I was comparing it to what she would pay for a cm, with all the added benefits of sole nanny care.

You need to phone Ofsted and HMRC to clarify registration/employment stance. Too many opinions here and Ofsted rules have recently changed. Only they can give you an absolute.

Re whether it will work.. This is up to how you all approach it/respecting one another's wishes etc. Would my MIL ever be allowed to look after a child of mine? Not a chance. She's a smoker.

Hope all goes well!

I seem to remember from an earlier thread that you are a doctor. I know quite a few doctors who rely on grandparents (generally the mother's parents) to cover weekends, nights, long days etc but have nursery places for the rest of the time.

We had 2 days a week of childcare from my mum. We were very lucky that we totally trust her & were 100% happy to leave the kids with her, so that wasn't a problem. However - it's difficult to speak honestly with the family dynamic eg I would have liked her to keep the house tidier but could never say so! Our holidays all had to match which was a challenge for all of us. It was knackering for my mum - she is an active 61 but found working three days a week & minding my kids (age 5 and 2 at the time) exhausting.

My kids still loved me more but they have a great bond with my mum.

The parents who have stopped using grandparents and increased days with me instead have all done so because of reliability.
The GPs simply couldn't be made to understand that they were being relied on to provide childcare. They would go off on holiday or days out at the last minute and didn't get why someone didn't just take time off work to cover.

That said, grandparents as childcare can work well, but you really need to make sure both parties know what's expected and are happy with it.

I agree Tanith.

I have three children I mind who go to GPs on other days. Slowly the balance has shifted towards me because they are being let down so often.

I have various friends who have used family members for childcare. The main pitfalls have been:

• grandparent unable to cope with a non napping toddler as opposed to a baby;
• clashing parenting styles;
• declining health of gps;
• gps becoming unreliable (short term childcare is as rare as hen's teeth when they decide to take an off peak holiday )

It sounds like your biggest issue might be that it could be very very difficult to change your childcare even if you were unhappy if your mil has given up work and is relying on you financially. What would you do in that scenario?