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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Au Pair left with her stuff in the 20mins that I took to drop kids to school

29 replies

abhivirtara · 05/12/2014 16:27

I am in SHOCK. Our au pair has been with us for the last 3 months and we've had no issues / arguments / problems at all. This morning she got the kids ready for school and since I work from home on a Friday , I did the school drop. She was normal when I left and 20 mins after when I came back home, there was no sign of her or her stuff. I am in such a shock as I can't imagine What happened ? Where did she go ? Why did she decide to leave so randomly ?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Seriouslyffs · 05/12/2014 16:33

Although it's obvious that she's upped and left, you do need to check she's ok. Did she leave a note? Have you called her?

MinceSpy · 05/12/2014 16:44

Check she hasn't taken any things that don't belong to her - sorry to be such a cynic. Oh and has she left her keys?

Bettercallsaul1 · 05/12/2014 18:20

What s terrible shock, OP, not to mention complete inconvenience! Does this leave you totally without childcare or do you have someone you could call on temporarily? It sounds as if she has planned this for a while, to be able to leave so quickly. Sounds as though she decided to go but could'nt face telling you. Presumably you have her mobile number to text her? She might be able to explain better ftom a distance. Commiserations though.

Original poster

abhivirtara · 05/12/2014 18:22

She has left the keys but no note. I ant spot anything she may have taken but I have been worried about her safety. Tried calling her on her uk mobile as well as Spanish mobile but both went straight on voicemail . Sent we a few emails and have no other method of getting in touch. I've informed the police as I'm really worried about her whereabouts.. I just hope she is ok

OP posts:

Arven · 05/12/2014 18:24

She probably couldn't face telling you. Not brave I know but having been an au pair, I do get it. The woman I au paired for was a nightmare though. YOu don't sound a nightmare.

Bettercallsaul1 · 05/12/2014 18:33

It's horrible to be left with no answers. I think she has just absconded though, rather than been the victim of foul play, if all her belongings have gone.

Karoleann · 05/12/2014 18:46

I friend's nanny did this - no notice, just a text a day or two later to say that she had a new job in Dubai. She left the keys though.

Messygirl · 05/12/2014 18:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

abhivirtara · 05/12/2014 19:24

I think we were very good to her to the extend that her shopping list had requests for organic soya milk and organic fruit and we never said anything, always bought her stuff she wanted and never any argument or even raised voice. We didn't even have too much to ask for so mocha fe of being demanding as her job was only to get kids ready for school, drop them (except for Friday's when in at home) and then she had the day all to herself until 3:30 when she picked them up, gave them snack and spent time until 6:30 when we got home. She gave them dinner which I pre cooked so no stress there either. She ate dinner with us initially but then didn't like eating that early in the evening 7:30, so chose to eat in her room when she wanted. We never said anything and I think that's why I feel a bit cheated ! She could have at least left a note to say she was going !

OP posts:

Bettercallsaul1 · 05/12/2014 20:03

Was it her first au pair job, OP? Maybe she didn't realise what it would be like. Was she getting out and about much and meeting other young people? Is there a possibility that she was lonely? Or perhaps her career/life plans just changed and a year in the UK suddenly wasn't relevant. I wouldn't take it personally - it probably just wasn't suiting her and she would have done this whatever family she was with.

TimelyNameChangey · 05/12/2014 20:08

If you can't call her family then I'd inform the police myself. I wouldn't leave that to fate just in case.

Blondeshavemorefun · 05/12/2014 21:20

how weird but least she left the keys

sounds like she couldnt face you but why not leave a note

have you any family contact details/agency/website you got her from etc

Seriouslyffs · 06/12/2014 15:39

Have you tracked her down yet? I was an au pair and now have teenage daughters. You need to know where she is.

sugarman · 06/12/2014 15:50

I can only assume she was unhappy to the point she felt she had to do a runner.

It can be a very, very lonely job and many au pairs and employers underestimate the challenges.

Seriouslyffs · 06/12/2014 20:22

OP?

Seriouslyffs · 06/12/2014 20:25

Sorry, I'd missed that you've tried all the numbers you have and told the police. I hope you're not in the lurch next week and that she's ok.

Original poster

abhivirtara · 07/12/2014 10:56

So the update is, the police sent her an email to say she needs to let us know she is ok. She responded back saying she is fine, found another job paying her £100 a week (I paid her £80/wk) and the other family needed her urgently so she didn't want to give notice of 4 weeks, hence the running !!!!

Not sure what I will do for the next few weeks while we both are commuted to a full time job and have no back up childcare and no family either !!! May be a few work from homes and a cry with the boss !!

OP posts:

Messygirl · 07/12/2014 11:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FlorenceMattell · 07/12/2014 11:10

Very bad behaviour by her. Didn't she think you might at the very least be worried, she obviously couldn't care less about anyone but herself.
So the other family are desperate?? Don't take her back OP when she comes running with tales of how mean they are , expect her to work X hours ,no travel card , phone etc. and she will come running I think.

Thewiseonenot · 07/12/2014 11:19

Wow... This is really bad.
Count yourself lucky she didn't abandon the children on their own while you were out. At least she had the decency to leave them when they were safe.

Probably I am exaggerating but you could expect all sorts of betrayals from a person acting like this I think only based on a 20£ raise?

She could have at least negotiated with you.

You are well rid I think and I pity the new family.
Hope you have an understsnding boss.

This was completely not your fault and should count as a serious emergency.

TimeWarp · 07/12/2014 11:26

Would you be able to afford a short-term nanny for a few weeks while you interview for another au pair?

There is a family on our road who's au pair packed her stuff and left while they were out last week, but they have terrible problems keeping an au pair for longer than a few months at a time and I don't think she was the first one to just walk out either. My au pair chatted with her quite a bit and he said that she found the parent quite overbearing and unpleasant. It is very poor form for your au pair to do that when she had been treated with consideration, and poor form on the part of the other family too.

sandgrown · 07/12/2014 11:40

Many years ago I walked out on a family in Spain. The mother was not working so I did not feel as bad. They did not want an AP really they just wanted a cleaner and dog walker. They said they had three children and there were four when I got there. I was expected to stay up until the 18month old decided to go to bed which could be 2am! I had to share a room with their maid and I never got paid. I sneaked out in the night but I did leave a note and my keys. I still feel a bit bad though!

DragonRojo · 07/12/2014 12:00

that is a 20% rise for a job she obviously considers very short term. I can see why she was tempted. At the age that many aupairs are, they really don't see their position as a job. Their only concern is themselves, having fun and learning English. Looking after children is a means to an end. Of course some will continue with a career in childcare but IME, none of my 3 aupairs did, and one of them quit with 3 days notice. Better than nothing but...

Thewiseonenot · 07/12/2014 12:10

Well, if this is considered as acceptable beahviour by the person you choose to look after your children .... Then you are better off never to have an au pair as childcare again!

I think raise of not running off is unacceptable unless OP kept au pair as a slave or put her in danger.

Bettercallsaul1 · 07/12/2014 12:31

No need to feel bad at all, sandgrown! In that situation, you were quite justified in doing a midnight flit! And you left a note, which showed much more consideration than the family gave you!

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