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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

nanny is pregnant :(

58 replies

mum10923 · 18/11/2014 16:05

Our nanny announced yesterday that she is pregnant! She's only 22 and I never expected this to happen! I'm gutted but guess there's not much I can do. She's only been with her boyfriend for a short time so really unexpected. She says she is 12 weeks and suffering with sickness so she might need time off, but I can't take any time off as my job is very demanding and stressful, so I've told her she'll still need to come in but just take it easy.. It's just really thrown a spanner in the works as we rely on her a lot!

OP posts:

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MrsWobble3 · 19/11/2014 09:05

I was in this position some years ago when our nanny became pregnant. My initial reaction was probably similar to yours OP in that it was going to be massively inconvenient but given you have no choice in the matter you need to deal with it, and dealing with it well and with good grace is much better for all of you.

In fact, it really wasn't anything like as bad as I had expected - my nanny went to enormous effort to arrange her midwife appointments and scans around my family's diary - which was something I had absolutely no right to expect, but for which I was very grateful. She didn't need much time off, but when we could let her come in late or go early we did. The key to it all was to communicate - she let us know when she was feeling below par, and we would try and get home early for her and we told her when we had immovable work commitments and she understood our diary constraints.

You get SMP refunded by the government so the only additional cost is the holiday pay she will accrue on maternity leave - which you might want to plan for.

She has the right to return to the same job, but that does not mean the right to bring her baby with her so you need to think about what you might want to do as will she. Again, communication makes this easier. If she's been with you more than 2 years then you might have redundancy considerations to take into account, and it's worth remembering that you can't make her redundant because she's pregnant.

Whilst it all sounds like an enormous and expensive hassle - it really needn't be, and it is worth getting it right for both of your sakes.

Blondeshavemorefun · 19/11/2014 09:06

rainbow that's so sad. Sorry for your loss but not all bosses are like your old one :(

Seems op isn't coming back to reply. Shame really. Would have been nice for her to say omg. I'm such a shit employer etc. Course I will be giving time off if my nanny needs it

Whoever said the nanny is an employee and has same rights as op has in her job is 100% correct

FlorenceMattell · 19/11/2014 12:44

OP as a retired midwife can I ask you to please be kind to your nanny. From my experience nausea and sickness are made worse if the woman if tired or stressed. So if you force her to come in when she is not well you will make the situation worse. Don't forget that it is common to be admitted to hospital with vomiting and treatment is rest and IV fluids.
Your nanny has enough to contend with coming to terms with the emotional effects of unplanned pregnancy. She needs an employer who treats her fairly.
Most nannies will try to fit appointments around their job but Antenatal clinics/Scans are Mon to Friday unusual to offer Sat appointments.
Yes I appreciate it is inconvenient but that is part and parcel of being an employer, maybe your should use a nursery.
Rainbow so sorry to hear about your miscarriage and ectopic- do hope you are ok being at work today.

erin99 · 19/11/2014 22:33

Rainbow, how awful. I can't imagine being at work in those circs.

OP be really careful with this. I struggled in to work most days until 20 weeks and then collapsed in a heap of sickness and exhaustion and was signed off for many weeks after that. My GP said that if I hadn't wrung myself out so much I might not have collapsed so completely. Sure that's a risk you want to take? MrsWobble's give and take sounds much more sensible.

Arranging antenatal appts does depend on local arrangements - mine were on Thurs pms and they were the only option, but I tried to get them at lunchtime or as late as possible.

cansu · 22/11/2014 08:38

I think you should look into the SMP issue as I remember reading that the government no longer will repay you for this.

Onwards2014 · 22/11/2014 08:49

I think this might be another reverse thread?

nbee84 · 22/11/2014 14:35

Can sure - It's so that you're thinking of, not smp.

nbee84 · 22/11/2014 14:35

*ssp

nbee84 · 22/11/2014 14:36

Bloody autocorrect! *cansu

Heels99 · 22/11/2014 14:37

We used a nursery so we were covered in the event of nannies being ill, ph, leaving etc. would that suit you better? You could switch to cover nanny mat leave.

bbcessex · 22/11/2014 19:52

I sympathise with you. I've had two nannies become pregnant; it's an absolute nightmare as a nanny employer, because you only employ one person to do one job; it's not as if you're a big company who can somehow cover the work or put non-urgent projects on hold.

Clearly you can't demand anyone comes in if they are ill; your contract will say if you need to pay your nanny in full, or if SSP applies.

I really, really don't think all those answering "I hope your employer was more understanding" can be parents who employ nannies... It's a completely different situation - you employ a nanny to be reliable and there to look after your children whilst you work. That's THE ENTIRE POINT of having a nanny.

OhReallyDear · 22/11/2014 22:41

I think you are right. Nannies should be neutered just to be sure... Poor employers...

Screenclean · 22/11/2014 22:47

Op can you confirm whether this is a reverse or not please?

Fridayschild · 23/11/2014 07:10

I am currently on my third pg nanny - not so much something in the water as a case of employing young women who love children for more than 11 years now! I agree with Mrs Wobble, it's not nearly as bad as you think at first. antenatal appointments are generally fixed well in advance and the start date of maternity leave is predictable. But you will need to call in favours and juggle if nanny is having a difficult pregnancy. Do you have any local SAHM friends who can cover while you are at work in exchange for you taking their child at the w/e?

Itsfab · 26/11/2014 20:32

I think some people forget that nannying is a proper job and nannies are actual people.

FlossyMoo · 26/11/2014 21:03

Lj8893 · 26/11/2014 21:10

Wow, how delightful you seem op.

primarynoodle · 27/11/2014 08:40

bbc - so the entire point of a nanny is to completely strip them of all employment (and human come to that) rights so they are of maximum convenience to you?

if you choose to hire a nanny you take the risk of illness/pregnancy etc. nobody forced you to have children/go to work/have a nanny as childcare

what an awful way to treat fellow human beings, not least vulnerable women who im sure feel guilty enough as is for "letting you down"

SunnyBaudelaire · 27/11/2014 08:53

if you didnt want a nanny getting pregnant you should have hired a 50 year old.
she does have employment rights you know.

moshwuckler · 28/11/2014 13:55

Shocking attitude op.

Headofthehousehold · 07/12/2014 22:36

This is exactly why my 2 children went to nursery. My employer wouldn't sympathise with me having a day off sick let alone covering one else's ( ie a nannys sickness) I envy all the posters who critise the OP, clearly they have caring sharing bosses who do not shudder at the concept of their female employees having Childcare issues.

Op get an au pair to back fill nanny sick days or establish emergency nanny care or find a nursery. My children loved nursery and were very happy there.

in my job I receive zero tolerance to any Childcare problems and although its expensive paying for primary care and back up care it's is worth it in the long run.

Viviennemary · 07/12/2014 22:40

Quite a number of employers do not pay sick pay these days. So statutory sick pay is all the employee gets. Don't know if this is different during pregnancy. How is the OP to afford to pay the nanny and a replacement.

PrettyBelle · 08/12/2014 00:26

OP, can't be of much help in terms of advice but would like to offer my support. I think many posters were too harsh on you and your attitude is not shocking at all. On any job an employee taking time off because of morning sickness (a routine thing in pregnancies) would be seem as acting too precious.

OK, the nanny has morning sickness but imagine she wasn't a nanny and already had a child? She would surely cope - simply because she would have to, as I cannot imagine her arranging a childcare for her own child for the reason of her "not fully functioning". My guess is she is young, scared and takes every little problem seriously - or she may well be using her right for the time off because she is entitled to it, and you can't really check how unwell she really is.

LightTripper · 08/12/2014 23:40

"Morning" sickness covers a huge range of experience, you can't just say everyone should work through it unaffected.

In my case (not a nanny) I was no good after 5pm so had to leave work by 4.30 to get home before I started retching and throwing up. I started a bit early and caught up at weekends, but if that hadn't been an option (e.g. in a nanny situation) I would just have had to work something out with my employer to allow me to cut my hours. I simply couldn't have done anything useful in the evening. Even in my very flexible work it was a bit of a pain e.g. when scheduling meetings or the rest of the team were working and I wasn't.

Yes, it's tough for a nanny employer who is relying on one employee. But you know your responsibilities when you hire a nanny (and there is help available e.g. my nanny payroll company has an advice line to help deal with this kind of situation).

minipie · 08/12/2014 23:59

I think you've hit the nail there Light. My guess would be that the OP didn't have particularly bad sickness, worked through it herself, and is assuming the nanny is having something similar and so could manage to come to work.

However it may be that the nanny is feeling a lot worse than that and simply cannot work. Or she may be being precious as Pretty suggests. it's impossible for the OP to know really because she's not there with the nanny. In which case she has no choice but to believe the nanny when she says she's too ill to work.

It IS more disruptive when a sole employee like a nanny gets pg than when an employee in a large organisation gets pg - no two ways about it. But the rules are the same and nanny employers have to take it on the chin and be as supportive as they can.

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