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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Mother's helps or similar - advice needed

26 replies

Normsnockers · 11/01/2006 21:37

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Original poster

Normsnockers · 12/01/2006 11:06

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Aloha · 12/01/2006 11:32

Where do you live? Simply Childcare applies around London and home counties - you can advertise your needs in it, and nannies/mother's helps etc also advertise.
Also, maybe put up your own ad in the local newsagent/toyshop/cafe? I think what you are asking for is entirely reasonable. Why on earth does your dh work those bonkers hours? And why should you pay for the childcare all by yourself?

dexter · 12/01/2006 11:40

not much use with info I'm afraid but I have to agree with Aloha, it is bonkers for a father to completely miss his children's entire WEEK! It's so sad for the children not to have their father's time and influence during the week. But anyway you didn't come here to get my advice on completely changing your life so I'll shut up!

Just to say I think you are very sensible to look into a mother's help as you cannot do all this and the weekly child-rearing alone! good luck. Our local news often carries adverts in the jobs pages for mothers helps/part-time nannies etc.

Original poster

Normsnockers · 12/01/2006 12:09

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Normsnockers · 12/01/2006 12:29

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Bink · 12/01/2006 12:45

Not quite sure what you're looking for? - is it someone to help with the crunch bits of days while you're on maternity leave? - or someone to do beginnings/ends of days before and after nursery, once you've gone back to work? Or both?

littlerach · 12/01/2006 13:10

My friend has a mother's help who comes in each morning and gets the kids ready and fed. she then comes in again in the afternonn to play nad give them tea.

She is a sixth former from my friends church who gets on well with the whole family.

perfect arrangement: she earns some pocket money, and my friend has less stress.

Same friend also managed to arrange for a cousin of a friend in France to come and do a similar thing in the hols. Worked afntastically.

Try local sixth form, or college, or church, or someone's friend of a friend!

MaloryTowers · 12/01/2006 13:15

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Original poster

Normsnockers · 12/01/2006 17:11

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NotQuiteCockney · 12/01/2006 17:15

You might want to try a postnatal doula, for the early days, and then move onto a teenage girl after that?

I don't think continuity of care for a helper person is that big a deal. I mean, having the same person for ages will be easier for you, as they'll know the routine etc, but an extra pair of hands doesn't always need to be the same one, in my opinion.

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Normsnockers · 12/01/2006 17:24

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NotQuiteCockney · 12/01/2006 19:07

Oh, you might be able to get someone who's training to be a nanny or nursery nurse. A friend of mine with four kids under four (!!) has one. I don't think she costs much, although she can't be officially left in sole charge.

NotQuiteCockney · 12/01/2006 19:10

My situation isn't that different from yours. DH is almost never around in the morning. In the evening, he generally appears right when tea is on the table, so I have to sort it with two kids underfoot. I do some volunteer work.

My boys are three years apart.

I found it hard for the first few months, but it's got easier. If I had to do evenings on my own every night, I'd get help in. Well, I could manage now that DS2 is 15 months, I think. But mornings on my own aren't that hard, really.

starlover · 12/01/2006 19:13

whereabouts are you normsnockers?

Original poster

Normsnockers · 12/01/2006 19:20

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starlover · 12/01/2006 19:23

oh right... just because i used to work as a mothers help and was thinking that it might be something i wanted to do again!
i'm in sussex if that's any help! lol

Original poster

Normsnockers · 12/01/2006 19:25

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SqueakyCat · 12/01/2006 21:06

My DH is away all week often (though is around a lot when he is around) and LOADS of people we know have DH with working patterns at least as tough as yours.

I had a (difficult) just 2 yr old when I had my second, and though it was at times frazzled, I did fine with no additional help during mat leave. HOWEVER I really would not have wanted to manage the 8am nursery run with two of them. TBH, on the one hand I think you're worrying too much (esp about the tea-bed time slot), OTOH, any extra help helps, and I don't see why you shouldn't get it in if you want and can. Our solution was to get a nanny, which really makes life lovely. Have you considered doing that, leaving your DS in sessions at his nursery rather than full daycare?

On the mother's help side, I think that a local teenager / student is a good bet, or a youngish retiree. Ask round and advertise at the college - try calling your local college doing childcare courses and ask if they can suggest someone - they would direct you to someone reliable not a waster! I'd expect to pay similar to cleaner rates, though you'd need to consider whether you really should employ properly with payslips / tax etc in which case you might need to offer a higher gross.

Good luck

Original poster

Normsnockers · 13/01/2006 12:18

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SqueakyCat · 14/01/2006 20:20

Sorry Normsnockers if I put your back up at all - I really didn't mean to! I wanted to say firstly that I don't consider your DH's working arrangements to be at all out of the nomr, and secondly that if you want extra help and you can get it then do!

But I also wanted to reassure that things will probably be a lot easier than you anticipate. I found having a toddler (even one who I am just discovering has autistic-type special needs and was at the time incredibly violent and difficult) EASIER than 'just' having my first baby, because: I'd done it all before; I'd got the family life set up; I'd got to fit into a bit of a routine as DS1 had his mealtimes etc.

When I mentioned a nanny, I meant when I went back to work rather than before. Work + nanny + sessional nursery for DS1 is so much nicer than work + daycare nursery. If you are deadset on putting them both in daycare nursery, then a mothers help for beginning and end WILL make live much nicer.

best of luck with it! Personally, I'd much rather have a mother's help than an au pair if I also had a baby to cope with. My nanny did regular mothers help work during her college course. I would def find a mothers help if I had another.

Aloha · 14/01/2006 20:28

I really think you'd be mad not to get some help if it is financially possible. YOu have clearly worked out things with your dh, so getting someone in to replace his input and let you enjoy your children seems a fantastic idea. I'd say £7ph is plenty. Advertise somewhere child-friendly. You might be surprised.

Aloha · 14/01/2006 20:29

If I won the Lottery think I would give up work but have a daily housekeeper/mothers help. What bliss!

MistyEyed · 14/01/2006 20:33

Good for you, Normsnockers. It is blooming hard work when the second and subsequent ones arrive. I think I came up for air at about 6 months. Certainly don't remember anything before then. There was much one-up-manship happening in our small town to see who had the most difficult time, whose DH worked the longest hours, whose was away the most nights....you get the picture. I would have certainly paid for someone to help during those witching hours if I could have afforded it!

Good luck. It will be good to see if there are people out there who could fill such a role.

blueshoes · 15/01/2006 10:35

Hi Norm, hope you get somewhere with the University students looking for childcare experience. Agree that reliability is key and unless there is something for this person beyond sheer money, it might get patchy. I read somewhere that mothers' help get paid at least as much as the going cleaning rate - because otherwise, these ladies would sooner or later take up cleaning instead.

Can your cleaner help out? Mine has 4 children of her own and my dd is familiar with her. She would be my first choice for a mother's help. If anything, she could arrange her weekly clean around one of the crunch times, so she help you for at least that one session.

blueshoes · 15/01/2006 10:42

You could also try asking your cleaner if she knows someone reliable. You are a known quantity to her and she can judge as to whether someone would be suitable for you and make appropriate recommendations. I am assuming you trust her, of course.

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