Childminder's club: Long one - mindee not eating hardly anything

[Tan1959]

I have a mindee who is 2.9 years and since being placed with me (4 months now) has always eaten very little. I cook all sorts of things and take my recipes from the Annabel Karmel book 'cooking for toddlers'. Mum originally told me that mindee is used to all sorts of foods that she cooks him such as meats with cook-in sauces (jar type not her own - oh that's not meant as a criticism!!), pkt noodles with chicken flavoured sachets and packets of pasta'n'sauce (the ones that you just add milk & butter to - they have quite a few E numbers not really suitable for infants and young children). Now, I have a dilemma because mum asked me to give noodles with ckn flav sachets to try and get him to eat something; ok I did and he will always eat some of it and now she wants me to try the pasta'n'sauce from pkts. Ok the dilemma is that I have another mindee who nearly always eats what I cook & I really do not want to start cooking one thing for one of them and something else for the other. When my kids were young, many moons ago, they either ate what I cooked or went without - that makes me sound as though I was a really horrible mummy . I would welcome your opinions - do you think I am making too much of a fuss to the mum about doing something different for her Ds ? what would you do? Mindee will happily ask for pudding if fromage frais is on offer but not necessarily the fruit. I am afraid that I never give in to him {shock] . I have discussed my concerns with mum and she says that he will not eat at the dads either (goes to dad for weekends). Mum has suggested that if I worried to take him to see health visitor.

Can you take him to see the HV and report back that the HV says that these high-salt processed foods aren't any good for the child? Tricky though...

But don't see why you should cook separate things - and if I was the parent of the child who was eating well, I'd be v pissed off if you gave packet pasta to my child to pander to the non-eating one (not that you've said you'd do that!).

I would suggest that if she is not happy ...the mum that is ....with what you are providing in regards to food then she should provide the food she wants her child to have.

Thats what i would/will do

hth

Thanks for replies so far - I have already told the mum that I didn't want to give the noodles because of the E numbers and salt in them but did agree on a couple of occasions just to see if he would eat but only on the days that the other mindee was not with me and you are right mum of other mindee would be less than impressed if she thought her Dd was getting that sort of food.

If you ask the mum to provide food, then she will probably send the stuff that the child shouldn't really be eating (packet stuff). Tell her that you will be in trouble with OFSTED for giving "inappropriate" food??

I also don't think that you should be cooking separate food for children unless there is a good reason (dietary problems etc).

Just how much food does the "unhealthy" eater have with you? If he was my child, I would assume that he must be getting enough food after 4 months, or he would have wilted away. If he's hungry, then he would eat!! Is the mum unhappy at the amount of food he eats with you?

The kid won't eat normal food because she is used to the highly flavoured salty MSG (E621) laden processed food. Once you get a taste for that - and the euphoric high that goes with it it's hard to come back to plain food.

It will be harder because she gets this at home.

Tell yourself you are going for quality not quantity, but I doubt you will see much change as you simply can't compete with the addictive properties of processed food.

"he" sorry.

I'd go with thePrisoners idea....OFSTED wouldn't like it - it's easier and takes the pressure off you and maybe combine it with "I spoke to the HV and they said...." about the high salt stuff

That way it's not your fault

ok .....maybe ofsted wont like it but isnt this a toss up between what is perfect in a perfect world and working with the parent. This way Tan can say she spoke to the mum about the food and what she is willing to provide. If then the mum insists on different food then Tan has a right to ask the mum to provide it Yes/no ???? That way Tan keeps the mum happy so therefore the child stays.....the child is happier(maybe not healthy but that is surely ultimately the parents decision)
If you can show that you have followed all the guidelines but the parent has made a different decision then i know ofsted would be ok(not neccessarily happy)
Or if it is all too complicated then say to the parent this is the way it is and if this is not the way you want it for your child then perhaps we part ways. But then im harsh huh

Have you tried giving pasta with a home-made cheese sauce on? At least you know what ingredients are in it.

"I have discussed my concerns with mum and she says that he will not eat at the dads either (goes to dad for weekends). Mum has suggested that if I worried to take him to see health visitor."

Erm... why would you have to take him to see HV? Surely thats the mums job?

And my c/minder would not like me to send those types of food for DS. She usually feeds him and her other mindee whatever she has vooked that day, some day it's cottage pie, others it's potato and leek soup.... one day I send up some jaffa cakes for my DS...she asked me not to do it again as the other mindee wanted some and his mum preferred him not to have any! I agreed, and she gives them rich tea or some other 'treat' after they eat their teas.
I think if he isnt losing weight then he's okay. I still can't figure out why the mum would want you to take him to HV though??

i'm not a childminder, just a mum, so not sure of the legalities and practices....but the mum wants YOU to take him to the health visitor?? why isn't she taking him? sounds like she really needs to learn something about healthy eating for her child.

i understand its delicate, but surely its against your duty of care to feed him things that are bad for him?

i'm not a childminder, just a mum, so not sure of the legalities and practices....but the mum wants YOU to take him to the health visitor?? why isn't she taking him? sounds like she really needs to learn something about healthy eating for her child.

i understand its delicate, but surely its against your duty of care to feed him things that are bad for him?

maybe try giving your versions of what theyre giving him as in noodles with sauce or chicken casserole..at least its similar..and dont give in or youll have the other kids wanting some of the yucky false food

I agree mini versions is best way to go

Oh dear looks like im in the minority here

Dont get me wrong i dont think that you should just "give in" but if it is causing friction between you and the parent then you either need to conceed that she is the parent or let the child go if it goes against your ideal

Wow never knew so many can take the moral 'high ground' on here

Maybe i will never get any parents wanting to take me on as a childminder ....after all i allow ds to have crisps, chocolate, nuggets and chips sometimes along with loads of fruit, veges and fresh meat etc

I have a similar problem with my mindee. Mum gives her spaghetti hoops because its a vegetable !!!!! Apparantly, it says on the tin that it counts towards 1 of the 5 vegetable portions a day.

I really hate giving the high salt, processed food too, as I would never give it to my children. However, the mum has stressed that she sees it as really important that her child has plenty of food and she wants me to ensure she eats at every meal. I know that she will replace meals if her child refuses to eat and will eventually give crisps etc. as that it better than nothing in her opinion. I always took the attitude with my own children that if they did not eat a meal I did not replace it. They quickly learnt to eat what they were given. With mindee I think its become a battle of wills. I haven't given in to her, but because of what her mums said I have little confidence in trying new foods. Instead I give her foods I know she will eat and if she refuses I make it clear there is nothing else on offer, especially as I know she likes what I've given her.

However, I've got a plan of action for January. She really loves (tinned)tomato soup. I've tried my own, but she would not touch it. So I'm going to make some and freeze it in ice cube trays, the way you would when weaning a baby. I'm going to try adding 1 cube to her soup. And then over time gradually changing it so she is getting more of my soup and less of the tinned. Hopefully I can move her onto my fresh soup.

She loves pizza and I've recently started making them for my own children. I'm going to get her to help me make them in the kitchen. I'm also thinking of doing a tea party and encouraging all the children (including mine) to try 2 new foods.

She would have nothing to do with fruit and veg when she first came here, but she will now hold banana (although it does not go near her mouth). She will also lick apple. She sometimes asks for banana, althoug as I've already said, she does not eat it. We did some cooking last week and she licked some of the food we cooked, so I think this might help too.

I hope some of these ideas might help you.

FL.

Wow ...when start childminding will i become a food crusader like others obviously are

Ok maybe i have it wrong if i do i put my hands up now and apoligise

ROFL. I've never thought of myself as a food crusader before!!!!!

FL.

Have you thought about involving the child in growing some fruit or veg.When i was a cm i had an allotment in my garden we grew potatoes onions shallots herbs tomatoes and strawberries and the kids loved it all.

sorry forgot to add cress is a good start and late summer broad beans you cannot keep up with.

If the parent wants her child to eat those foods then I would give them to the child. I may shudder inwardly but I am hardly going to change another families habits or impress them by preaching that I know better. I would still offer fresh and dried fruit and other more healthy snacks eg cheese, milkshakes etc wherever possible and teach kids about the benefits of fruit and veg but it wouldn't bother me to add some hot water to a readymeal or to pop one in the microwave if necessary.
As a parent I do the same as you and offer one meal take it or leave it to my lot, but as a minder I do whatever the families prefer me to. It really doesn't bother me at all and if three children are eating three different types of meal then that's fine. It's all part of my flexible service.

Hi all - thanks for all replies.

TP - atm a typical days food intake for this mindee is for eg: b/fast qtr of 1 slice toast/marmite or up to 10 rings weetos w/out milk - lunch; ham sandwich, upto qtr 1 slice - dinner; two pasta shells & few slivers of grated cheese. I do offer different food every day and occasionally he will eat a few pees as well. But as I said I am lucky if he will eat at all & during morning/afternoon snack/fruit time he will rarely eat anything, occasionally upto qtr of an apple - I have tried loads of varieties of fresh fruit/dried fruit and veg (all in diff shapes and sizes! etc). Mum called me yest as she took mindee to docs for his cough & told me he ate really well, at lunch he had ckn nugs, some fries (macd's) then dinner smiley faces & frankfurter.

nzshar - my problem is that I really do not want to have to do different foods for different mindees, mum has suggested she will provide the pkt noddles, frankfurters, pepperami, pasta'n'sauce etc I think that you are absolutely right that ultimately it is mum's decision what child eats and I do respect that but I showed her my menu at time of interview - she seemed really happy with it. Believe me, for many different reasons, I have thought about parting ways - lots of issues but that is another story! mindee really benefits from being here so I don't want to part ways for this reason.

bobbybobbobbingalong - I think you are absolutely right - one morning I went to collect mindee from his home and he was happily eating a pepperami for b/fast & drinking coke OMG what do I sound like . Everyone to their own but that sort of diet for a two and half year old is just not my way. Some of the food I provide is plain but equally some also with homemade sauces.

Omega2 - he doesn't like cheese sauce only fresh cheese but still only eats approx 2-5 pasta shells with a few slivers grated cheese!

fireflyfairy2 - If I discuss with mum a concern about something and she doesn't feel she has that same concern (eg. child eats at hers but not mine) - then I think she feels it's my problem to deal with so I should take him to health visitor! I mentioned two months ago about the lack of eating so she asked her friend/neighbour to take him to be weighed - she was working on that day so couldn't take him.

Mazzystar - exactly, very delicate & against my duty of care - that is part of my dilemma.

Bambi06 - That's exactly what I do not want is the other mindee wanting what he has - so I don't give in but need to make sure child is not starving iyswim.

Foxyloxy1 - thanks, some good ideas there - I think asking him to help prepare some food would be really great for him. I did make pizza last week & he just looked at it & asked for noodles. I know mum will feed him if he misses his dinner but it is usually chinese takeaway or macd's so I am beginning to think there is little hope of getting him to eat my food.

joanna4 - sadly mindee only here till end of Feb as mum having another baby and maybe moving away but that is good idea for any other mindees that I have. Actually, when my kids were very young, I did rent an allotment & grew all my own veg and some fruit for about 2.5 years - my kids loved spending hours and hours on the allotment helping me and eating whatever they could get their hands on (probably mud and worms too) - youngest son developed allergy to rasberries and strawberries, can't imagine why!

Gooseygettingfat - I think my point is partly that at interview with mum, nutrition was discussed & this is an area that I have quite strong views on for various reasons; mum said she was happy for her child to be fed the food that I was providing; I really am a firm believer of working in partnership with parents & certainly hope that parent's don't think that I set out to change their families habits nor try to impress by 'preaching' that I know best but having said that, although I also provide a flexible service, I guess that I am just not willing to be that flexible on the food issue unless the child was in danger of starving.

Tan - I agree with your last bit so much we provide a flexible service.....up to the point at which it goes against an integral part of us. For some the breaking point will be food (me esp.) for others it will be behaviour and for other it will be the partnership with parents breaking down.

If you don't have something over which you would be prepared to take a stand - you will be walked over and used

BTW - I am unlikely to see responces to this as I'm off to Egypt now

So if you all hate me - I won't see it until 1st Jan - I only said that to make you all jealous

2.5 and eating pepperami and coke for breakfast -they should walk a day in my shoes with a child that's allergic to so many things they had to reduce the font size on his medic alert band.

Fine, she can feed him what she likes but you have a professional reputation to maintain and apart from the nutritional value of this food - what is it saying about who is in charge of the relationship between you and the child if you give him noodles just because he demands them?

bobbybobbobbingalong & Katymac: spot on!

and I am just so jealous that you are off to Egypt KTM

Have a wonderful Christmas all - no mindees until after Chrimbo but looks as though I could be in for a busy new year as enquiries are now filtering through at long last so looks as though I won't have to give up minding after all - yippee!!