Anyone planning a homebirth?

[hunkermunker]

Thought it might be an idea to start a thread about requesting and having a homebirth - hope there isn't already one running!

I'm pregnant with my second child. My first baby was born in the water at our local hospital and (until I got to the postnatal ward) was a very straightforward and pleasant experience.

However, I have since realised how lucky I was - the labour ward wasn't busy, there was nobody in the pool, etc. Next time I might not be as lucky, so I have decided that a homebirth may well be the answer. Thinking of hiring a pool too.

So, anyone else pregnant and planning a homebirth? I think there are a couple of MNers who are (Jessicaandbumpsmummy and Sweetkitty, I think), but wondered how many!

DP and I had a huge argument over the homebirth again, DP's argument is that if the baby were to die I would always associate that room of the house with it and would want to move, I said if the baby were to die that would be the least of my worries! He said what if I need a c-section, I was like well I'll be constantly monitored and at the first sign of anything wrong will be in an ambulance to the hospital (5 mins away).

I said to him in low risk births a homebirth is just as safe as a hospital birth, he said he wants proof. He is very against a homebirth called me "an arrogant c*" last night but said he will end up backing down as I always get my way.

Oh and I said well what about DD where will she be when you take me to hospital? He said in the back of the car he expected DD to be allowed to stay in the delivery room (yea they like 18 months toddling about) then he said well we'll wait outside, so DP will miss the birth and I'll be on my own!

This has really upset me now, does he think I would do anything to compromise the health of this baby. I only hope once we move house I find a really supportive midwife who will speak to him.

oh my last birth was straightforward 4 hour delivery with only gas and air have told him if he's at work by the time he gets back (an hour away) and gets me to hospital I could be having the baby in the car!

SK, How awful for you and how dare he call you a c* - you're the mother of his child and you have obviously made an informed choice and know the risks are low for homebirth plus hospital is close by. He has no cause to scare you in this manner and is pushing his own fears on to you.

He wants proof of the safety - Well, since he is using the argument that you are putting baby's safety second to your own desires, then he should do some research himself/talk to midwife rather than make you keep justifying yourself in face of such hostility!

I appreciate he's your partner, but he's not really playing fair, is he? If he can't go and do some research and come back to have an informed conversation, then he hasn't shown himself to be capable of discussing the issue. Thus far the gloves are off and it's all emotional cudgels.

My husband received an email last week from some relative of his drivelling on about how homebirth may 'have the appeal of doing it your own way' but questioning whether that appeal would wane if there were any one of a list of pseudomedical problems - which only served to emphasize how little he understands about the homebirth process (or indeed the information you have in your grasp beforehand). The main upshot seemed to be that I should be in hospital, getting over my sniffiness at being railroaded in favour of medical support. Reference was made to my 'past problems' (i.e. the three miscarriages - about the cause of which he knows very little). I was apopleptic with rage. When I sent him a response telling him exactly what I thought of his 'advice' he said that he couldn't rest if he hadn't highlighted the 'facts'. Facts?? There were no facts included. If he'd included facts rather than prejudice and supposition, I might have given the email more time.

Why is it that people are so ready to think that you'll wilfully endanger your child????

Hunkermunker: glad your midwives were positive. They should really have ended the sentence at "there shouldn't be any problems with having a homebirth..." though. What are they going to do if they say you have to come in and you refuse to budge...??

sweetkitty - you need to shove some research under your dh's nose - there's loads of stuff on www.homebirth.org.uk - here

barefootmama - I too am planning a homebirth for no.5. I have had initial resistance from hospital midwives and yet to see consultant but community midwife is supportive. Risk factors for "grand multipara" such as we are increased risk of postpartum haemorrhage (sp?) due to less efficient contraction of uterus muscles. I didn't consider this to be an issue with me as previous births have had very low blood loss and according to the midwives at the time my uterus was contracting very well post delivery. I have agreed to having a "delayed active management" third stage in order to get the placenta out more quickly.

Other risk factor is that baby is less likely apparently to present in the approved head down, back to front position. If baby is breech then community midwife would not feel happy supporting me at home. I feel I have to go along with that as she has to be happy that she knows what she is doing and, unfortunately, breech vaginal births are just not that common these days - hopefully I will be able to get one in hospital if necessary though - I sure as hell do NOT want a caesarean.

Both these issues are discussed on the website mentioned above.

PS. sweetkitty - owing to very fast labour last time I had to take my three older children into hospital with me. They were put in a waiting room where there was a TV and toys and a midwife kept an eye on them. Dh popped out every now and then to check on them (only twice iirc) but was with me the majority of the time and obviously for the important bit. So if you do decide or need to go into hospital with your dh will be with you (if you want him there by then, that is )

Thanks for your support girls. I know he is only frightened for my safety and the safety of our baby but I have done the research and in my case know I'm a good candidate for a homebirth. I said to him look on the internet or I'll get you some info but he just said "like I have the time" but he's got time for other less important things IMO.

I'm not that offended by what he called me last night as he swears all the time (something he's trying to cut down on in front of DD) and he used the c word as an emphasis as he knows how much I hate it. I might get him to read the responses to my post if I can.

I know it really really gets to me that people think that you are being selfish by choosing a homebirth and that you are willing to put your babies health at risk. My friends baby died in hospital after a c section and she had a scan every week for the last 18 weeks before delivery and she was in hospital for 2 weeks prior to delivery. Hospitals are not always the safest places to be.

One of the reasons I want a homebirth is for my family not to be separated from them at anytime. DP has already said he hated being parted from DD and I. I also detested the fact that I had to wait on some doc telling me I was allowed to go home with my baby. I could have gone home much earlier but had to sit in a hot hospital room until they could come and see me.

Hi

Sorry not read all posts but I'm planning a home birth in September. I'm really excited about it so hope it works out. My first birth went very smoothly and was quick but the stay in hospital afterwards was horrendous. DS was very windy, I got no help and had so little sleep I was starting to hallucinate. I just feel that I didn't really get the chance to bond properly with ds until I was home with my dh and mum to look after me.

My community midwifes are happy to do home births and actually suggested it before I did. I can stay at home if I deliver between 38 weeks and term plus 10.

Sweetkitty - I'm sure people have posted links previously that would help reassure your dh. At least at home you'll get two midwives, which doesn't always heppen in hospitals.