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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Pregnant with second child, no family nearby to take DS, I also gave birth very quickly last time

38 replies

BumptiousandBustly · 15/08/2009 19:05

Please help. What do we do, as we have a DS, no family anywhere near to dump him on when I go into labour.

I gave birth really quickly last time, so there isn't time for family to come to us (closest is SIL, but she is at least 3 hours away, if no traffic, and she has her own family to look after, so can't be coming down here at no notice, especially for false alarms etc)

I had a really horrible time last time, dilated from 3 to 10 cm in an hour and a half, on the maternity ward, and no-one noticed, so I am really stressed about this and REALLY need DH there.

The only friends that I am close enough to be comfortable asking to take him work, so can't keep waking them up at 4 in the morning, plus they wouldn't be able to have him in the day.

Are there people you can pay to come to your house at 4 in the morning to look after your son while you give birth?

Any suggestions?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

izyboy · 15/08/2009 21:11

I asked for and was given a cs for this reason - so I could arrange childcare in advance. This is not necesarily what you may want but I thought I would let you know.

MummyDragon · 15/08/2009 21:29

Bumptious - just wanted to say that if one of my friends needed me to provide childcare for her while she gave birth, I would happily do so and would very happily take a sickie from work if I needed to! I know this isn't fair on the employer, etc etc, but it's only one day. (I am a SAHM at the moment, but I used to work and I would have done this if someone had asked me). I, too, have no family in the area so I realise how alone and scared this can make you feel.

You will probably find that at least one of your friends would be happy to do this for you - have you actually asked them?

Failing that - yes, take DS with you and get your parents/family members to collect him from the hospital as soon as they arrive. This may mean that DH has to sit outside the room with DS, but at least he will be in the hospital and nearby if you need him.

If you look in the Yellow Pages you will probably find some local babysitting agencies etc. However, if you go into labour in the middle of the night, it might be quite traumatic for your DS to wake up in the morning to find a stranger in the house. I'd be inclined to take him with you if you're stuck. Also, having DS there will probably keep you calmer, as you won't want to upset him.

My DS was actually in A&E while I was in labour with DD, and my DH was running between the delivery suite and A&E (in another building over the road) ... it certainly took away all my fears about 2nd-time labour, as all I cared about was that DS was OK! (He was fine but I wasn't allowed to see him until after I'd had the baby).

sweetkitty · 15/08/2009 21:34

I had the same issues with the birth of DD2, just moved to new area no friends, no family to call on, just me and DP, I had a planned homebirth and it was fab.

Also had a homebirth with DD3 this time had a good friend on standby and SIL came up too.

Agree babysitter agencies would be a good idea or local childminders.

Original poster

BumptiousandBustly · 16/08/2009 10:13

Thankyou ladies all very much, I will think about all of this.

I think this has really clarified a few things for me including the fact that the chances of me getting an epidural this time around are zero, that I am still traumatised by my previous birth, and that a home birth is really worth looking into in my circumstances.

With a home birth, do you generally give birth in bed? I ask as DS's room is next to ours and I am worried I would wake him up with the screaming!

OP posts:

FreddoBaggyMac · 16/08/2009 12:58

You can give birth wherever you want to at home - my second two DCs were both born on the sofa in the living room (but I've heard a lot of women choose the toilet for some reason!!) Downstairs is generally a better option as it's easier for them to get you to hospital quickly in the unlikely event that that would be necessary.

mathanxiety · 17/08/2009 04:40

Who would turn down a request from you to take care of your older DC in the circumstances? You will have to have someone to take care of the older child whether you give birth at home or away, because you can't have a possibly upset toddler getting in the way or suddenly deciding it's scary or whatever, and if you have to leave for the hospital anyway, where does the older DC go then? So investigate neighbours, even much older ones, any friends, anyone who's safe and available night or day. I had a very quick hosp birth for third DC (just about made it there in time), had to ask a teenage neighbour I didn't even know too well to take older DCs for a few hours, then the H returned home soon after. He was at the hosp less than two hours. I had actually been in touch with a doula agency to see if they could arrange to send someone not for me but for the other children. I was surprised it was the first such inquiry they had received, but they were ok with it and I booked someone. Then I actually probably slept through most of labour and woke with no time to spare, just grabbed the teenage girl and left. Good thing about doulas is they are available day or night. Worth having around even for a home birth.

mathanxiety · 17/08/2009 04:51

If you were induced and then not monitored someone should be shot. Really. This is malpractice. Hope you are not considering going back to the same hospital? Sounds like you would be much better off at home. If you are induced you HAVE to be monitored constantly.

CarmenSanDiego · 17/08/2009 04:53

Home birth sounds a great idea. You actually have the full attention of a midwife and careful monitoring so they're more likely to spot any problems or distress than a team on a busy labour ward.

I had a home birth while my kids were in the playroom. They ran in to see the baby as he was born. It was wonderful

ben5 · 17/08/2009 05:15

i was pregnate with ds2 ,moved to new area when i was 20 weeks and a husband away at sea till after the baby was due. i had to ask my neighbours if they could help look after ds1, if i went into labour with ds2. they were happy to help, as were my other neighbours. my parents and my mil live away from us so had to ask for help. ds1 was born in 4 hours so was expecting quick birth with ds2. i had to knock on neighbours door at 4am for help but luckily my parents turned up just in time to help aswell. good luck and don't be scared to ask neighbours.

Oumasrusks · 17/08/2009 08:09

I didn't have anyone to look after DD1 when DD2 was born, so she was with us for the birth. The midwives were fine with it and all went well. DD1 was only 13 months at the time though, so she doesn't remember any of it.

mafog · 17/08/2009 10:19

I'm in a similar situation except I have 2 DC. I have now got a HB arranged all being well, happened late in the day as we were waiting on scans. Certainly worth considering, my POV was that it was probably safer to consider a planned HB than and unplanned HB if the baby came very quick.

I have asked around a few friends that were happy to have my DC and they gave me the dates they could manage (it's holiday season which makes it a bit harder). I have this list on the fridge with telephone numbers so that if it's needed it's too hand. Most days I have 2-3 people I can contact. I have packed a small overnight bag for the children and have their sleeping bags ready so if they go elsewhere they are fine (friends may well come to us depending on what happens).

Even if you arrange a HB it's worth thinking about possible childcare, if it happens in the day I may get the children elsewhere or in the case of transfer if there is time.

The worst scenario is that we have to take the children with us but if it comes to that then that's what we'll do.

I was more stressed about it when I had DC2 and care for DC1 but now it's a case of managing whatever happens for the unknown.

mummydoula · 17/08/2009 12:50

Have you thought about having a doula with you? A doula will be on call for you day or night and their job is quite simply to help you and your family. This means a support for you in labour if you need it or helping with things at home. We are not medically trained so don't take the place of a midwife.
Have a look at www.doula.org.uk or www.nurturingbirth.co.uk to find out more about what we do and to find a list of doulas covering your area. You might even be able to find a trainee who's a bit cheaper. Hope this helps.

lou4791 · 17/08/2009 12:53

I think you're doing the right thing in hiring a doula. She'll be of great support to both you and your husband.
I also agree with cargirl, that a homebirth would be your best bet. I would be saying that even if you didn't have the problem with childcare due to your quick birth last time. No worries about childcare (your son will most likely be sleeping), no worries about getting to the hospital, and a midwife and doula all to yourself. Last time it sounds like you were very frightened at the speed of things and being left alone in full blown labour. I don't blame you at all,anyone would feel the same, and sometimes it's this fear in hospitals that necessitates interventions like the ones that you had( Fear=adreneline=less oxygen to baby= interventions). This time in your own home with extra support and the knowledge that you CAN do it, it will be so different. Then the four of you can be tucked up in bed together when it's all over. Well worth looking into- your doula will help you. Good luck.
Lou x

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