They aren't contractions, they're 'birthing waves'. Birth Story according to a Dad.

[hackneybird]

Here is the link

It's actually a craft blog I read regularly, but the owner recently gave birth and the father has written an amazing account.

For those of you that are inclined to alternative teaching methods, you may also find the child's Montessori room interesting, or be totally fascinated/laugh your head off at her intended parenting philosophy, which includes 'diaper free infant hygiene'. Yes, they are American.

'but it's been created for a very tidy, sweet 5 year old.'

Oh, I have a sweet, relatively-tidy 5-year-old.

And she likes naffo, garishly pink and white, plastic tatt like My Little Pony and High School Musical and Barbie and Disney Princesses.

She's ever so forgetful when it comes to tidying up her many, many be-ribboned hair elastics and grips adorned with cheapy plastic bits.

And let's face it, you have to pick your battles with kids.

Are neutral tones really that important when, in the US especially, you'll soon be starring down the very long barrels of drunk drivers, driving at 16, emo, guns in schools and lots and lots of drugs?

Thanks, they're really interesting points. I think maybe the key is to be relatively adaptable, and also I guess to see your child as a small person with their own personality, rather than an extension of yourself?

I am really keen to start a family and am also the kind of person to throw myself into things as somewhat of a "project" so I will have to curb these desires and go with the flow a bit I think!

It is an lovely room - shame they have to spoil it by putting a baby in it.

I couldn't be bothered reading the birth blog. Hell, i find my own birth story tedious.

Thats the thing I think to be readt=y to adapt and change your ideas and actions, if you have it all set in stone or written in detail on the net, it might be a lot harder to accept when things don't happenthe way you wanted or expected.

I planned a lovely birth for my PFB in the midwifery suite with a few puffs of gas and air and a float in the pool, dimmed lights an all that instead I had a 48hr labour, every drug known to mankind and a c-section in an operating theatre, never even saw the inside of the midwifery suite. But I did breast feed and use terry nappies, had a structured sleep and feeding schedule, becuase it suited DS but had terrible PND andDS had a speach delay due to the fact I hardly spoke and sat with my head in my hands.

It never all goes to plan

awww bless!

Actually I put my PFB on a mattress on the floor until she developed asthma at 9 months and the doctor said WHY THE FECK ARE YOU LETTING HER SLEEP ON THE FLOOR? so we bought a bed and she was much better

Ozziegirl, I think we all have some ideas before we have kids of how it's going to go (mine was something along the lines of no sugar, no tv, organic food, bf til 1 yr) but most of us find we are only human and at some point it gets hard and you may have to change your plans to fit in with your child, and for your own sanity. It doesn't mean you've failed.

But it is worth bearing in mind that once you've preached your nappyless co-sleeping organic slingtastic zen diatribe to everyone you know, it IS easy to feel a bit foolish when they come round one year on to find your baby clad in nothing but a disposable nappy, gawping at a barney dvd while shovelling cheerios into their slack mouths (while you are hiding in the kitchen being neglectful thankful for ten minutes peace) or is that just me...?

Plus if you're at all smug about it, it makes other people almost WANT you to fail. Sometimes it's best to keep our more idealistic notions to ourselves and just wait and see!

I moved dd1 onto a mattress on the floor at 19 months. Because she climbed out of the cot and I didn't want to use a bed with cot sides because she's climb over them too.

She was fine on the mattress on the floor, on floor boards.

This couple sound so ernest, and they have huge expectations of themselves, of being parents, and of their child.

Lenin: I think it was worse because it was a futon. Also we had a cat. And carpets. Have now got rid of all carpets. A proper bed and mattress really helped though.

Ozziegirly - I think that's quite right - be adaptable and see the child as a separate person.

Of course it's a good idea to read about parenting and think about what would work for you before you're faced with a tiny bundle who is dependent on you! Having said that, I do worry when friends who are expecting have rigid and idealistic parenting 'philosophies' or very set ideas about how things are going to go. I've had friends at completely different ends of the ideology spectrum (earth mother to strict GF routine from day 1) who've been really demoralised and become quite unhappy because things haven't worked out as they imagined. The problem is that you can't predict the labour that goes wrong and ends in emergency CS, the baby who won't latch on or the child who simply won't nap at all, let alone at the scheduled time. None of these things are things you can ultimately control although your reading might help you to avoid risks or to try solutions. If you are an idealist and things don't go according to plan then there's a risk that you'll feel a failure and that will impact on the well-being and happiness of you and your family.

The other risk is that things do go according to plan and you (not you personally!) become insufferably smug and think your approach is the only 'proper' way to do things. I have a friend like this who is constantly sending group emails to all the mothers she knows with articles on research that backs up her parenting choices (natural birth, bf, no TV, slings etc) and informing people of what should be done. In fact we do have pretty similar approaches to how we parent but I doubt everyone on the list does and I think I will strangle her if DC2 (I'm pregnant) doesn't follow the script and she explains the solution to me.

That's a very long way of saying, yes do read and think about how you want to parent but never fall into the trap of thinking you know how things MUST be done.

Sorry Ozziegirly I meant to say, I think reading/educating yourself about anything is helpful, because even if you don't feel able to do it the whole way, you'll know what parts of it you felt were most important and be able to incorporate those.

So for example (in case that was hard to follow, it seems so to me!) I wanted to do EC (the no-nappies thing) with my baby, with cloth nappy backup, and was horrified at the idea of him ever wearing a non-eco disposable - so much so that when we ran out of eco-disposables when he was only about 12 days old, despite never having left the house with DS alone I got on a bus and went to Sainsbury's in search of some. I refused to ask anyone to get me some in case they got the dreaded Pampers (And in fact Pampers was what I ended up getting because it was all they had, being a small supermarket! )

And anyway, I never got the hang of EC, couldn't see the signs and DS hated being held over a potty, so I gave up on it, but I am open to the idea of potty training at around 12-18 months provided he's willing and I've definitely decided that when we get there I will be doing child-led potty training rather than picking a timeframe to get it done by.

I think breastfeeding is the most important thing to read up on by the way as it's pretty much instant and fairly full-on for the first weeks, so make sure you prepare yourself for that if you want to. Mumsnet's breast & bottlefeeding section is fab.

I'm actually weeping with laughter at the montessori room

Priceless... all i can see is a handy little mirror to swing from...
lots of lovely low things to climb on to reach the tubs of clothes arranged by size and throw them in the EC area...
lovely pale walls for drawing on...
books on a low self that will be ripped to shreds...
lots of pics hung low enough to be taken off walls and dropped smashing glass everywhere..
a glass lamp on a low table that will also be smashed...
a movement mat with morrors around it, that'll be convenient when finn is learning to sit and falls backward and smashes the glass with his head, babies first trip to a&e methinks

Well meaning but completely loopy

As for the birth... if dp had given me cues or told me how to calm down during labour or done anything other than be my personal slave during those days i would have ripped his eyes out. That guy was so busy telling her how to labour he didn't bother packing the car during all those hours so she had to wait for him to do it when she needed to go in.. i would have lost the plot at that point!

ozzigirly, i went into parenting thinking 'natural labour would be preferable but i'll take drugs if i need them, bf-ing would be great but i'll see how i go, baby will sleep in a cot from day one and baby will have a set bedtime'... I had a completely drug free birth, bf dd for 12 months but sleep was always a huge issue and dd was in our bed for 18 months.

With ds1 i had learned from my mistakes and said 'i'll see how i go' to almost everything, drug free birth, 2.5 years bf, blw, slept in our bed contentedly, etc., the only thing i'd put my foot down on was at 3 months i decided he should go up to bed at the same time as dd and the evenings were a nightmare for over a year as a result.

With ds2 i said 'go with the flow' and he's now 4 months, fully bf, sleeps through the night some nights but comes into snuggle us others, stays downstairs with us til we go to bed, usually asleep in his rocker but occasionally playing with us, and most importantly i'm enjoyig him so much more and he's a more contented baby as a result.

The point of all that was to illustrate that with my kids it was the things i had written in stone that caused misery and turned out not to be suitable for my kids and the things i was relaxed about fell into place to everyones benefit. I think setting out your parenting philosophy before you know your child is madness.. i have 3 and they have completely differant personalities, what works with one doesn't with another (although all three would reap havok on that room )

there's no harm in saying 'i'd like to do x,y,z' but saying 'we will do x,y,z' is just setting eveyone up for failure ime

Um, just had a thought about this couple... How soothing can that room ever be if at the sound of a firework they assume people with guns are outside the window trying to kill them???

good point minko.

How soothing can that room ever be if at the sound of a firework they assume people with guns are outside the window trying to kill them???

I know! I was like, 'Where the hell are you living?'

Mind you, one Sat. night I was in my apartment in the Cap Hill area of Denver, a great area, btw. When I heard cars screeching into the car park and then the tell-tale pop pop (these people obviously haven't been around firearms if they mistake a firework for the real thing [rolls eyes]).

My cat and I went flying for the windowless hallway as more shots rang out and then police sirens.

Turns out two chaps got into a scrap on the road, one chased the other into the car park and they both started firing at each other!

Thankfully, only the brickwork of the apartment building took a direct hit.

Just noticed thie parenting philosophy says "I do have some strong opinions, (one being that plastic is gross and just plain ugly, and I don?t want any of it anywhere near my baby)"
and
"Be wary of any marketing to parents or children. That means boo-hiss to Graco and Fischer-Price and there?s-no-way-I?m-ever-shopping-at-Babies-R-Us. "

yet flick across to pics of the room and scroll down and there in front of me is a plastic potty with baby bjorn on it in big letters

bronze... i too wondered about that but had started skim reading at that point as i was laughing so hard and thought maybe it was something she'd rescued from a thrift shop so that baby dearest could rest his wee bum on a retro recycled potty while leafing through his tasteful picture books

poor poor woman has no idea what is about to hit her. I wish I could be there in 6 months to see whether she is more or less insane than sheappears to be now.

expat - it's not to a 5 year old's taste, but she's surely less likely to trash the room, and herself in the process? I just looked at that space and blanched - low is BAD around here; my son's appetite for destruction is extraordinarily insatiable. (Books? Near a crawling paper-eater? We even have to confiscate the board ones around here - he can successfully destroy those, in under ten minutes. Mirrors... at hand height... oh my God.)

She's seemingly leapt past the mobile baby stage, and fantasised her perfect kindy child.

Ozziegirly, I was determined not to co-sleep and to have a set bedtime. My son sleeps with us and puts himself out at 8 - 9 pm. I had no real preconceptions about the birth - started off in a midwife-led unit, fully intending to go consultant-led if it hurt unpleasantly badly - and ended up with a waterbirth, with just gas and air. Was determined to bf and heartbroken when I couldn't - still am, truth be told. So I definitely agree that going with the flow is a lot less stressful all round. I think having kids is a bit like being married - you can't have it all mapped out in advance, because you've not met the other party in the relationship yet.

'low is BAD around here; my son's appetite for destruction is extraordinarily insatiable. (Books? Near a crawling paper-eater? We even have to confiscate the board ones around here - he can successfully destroy those, in under ten minutes. Mirrors... at hand height... oh my God.)'

snap in this household... i had to remove every single book from child reach and put them on the highest shelves i could find as ds1 simply cannot stop himself ripping them to shreds

i think it's quite sad that she's going to spend all the baby years willing him to grow up... she's going to miss the best bits wishing them away

Lol - the baby bjorn potty is well-known in EC circles as being good for EC from birth as it's smaller than a normal potty

if she's still doing that EC business why on earth did she boast about changing a nappy on the blog?