Question for The Men: What was childbirth like for you?

[morningpaper]

Someone posted on the thread about the NCT about how inaqeduately the antenatal classes prepared men for the shock of seeing their wife in labour.

Chaps - How did you feel about this?

I think my DH is totally traumatised by seeing me giving birth. In a way it was psychologically worse for him, sitting there and feeling helpless for 27 hours. At least I was doing something. I also had a NEWBORN immediately afterwards so there was no time for memories to form. Whereas he went home and stared at the wall trying to sleep and I think it consolidated the horror of it all in his memory.

I wondered how other husbands felt about their experiences in the labour room...?

[fuzzywuzzy]

mp

[morningpaper]

lol at Happy Daddy dropping off while DW was screaming her head off!

[Bozza]

Well Dh is in Germany so I can't ask him for his input unfortunately. I know he wasn't up for cutting the cord but that he did see DS's head emerging. Think he found it a bit traumatic on the pushing stage with DS - because I was obviously having to push so hard for two hours to get a 9 lb 10 oz first baby with huge head out. Also I know he looked away as much as possible during the extensive stitching.

With DD it was much more relaxed for both of us. I think the decision to have a home birth automatically meant he was more involved - sorting the room out, taking care of DS etc. And then when I was a bit late ringing the hospital and only one midwife had arrived he had the job of catching DD as the midwife guided her out which I think he was really pleased about - afterwards! I am really grateful that he was so supportive of my home birth because it was such a positive experience. Also I think it was nice for him in that he had me and DD tucked up there in our own bed instead of being sent home on his own.

[micha26]

Well, in my opinion there is absolutely nothing romantic about childbirth. It is a horrible, violent act - a necessary evil to get the little one out.

The entire pregnancy has been such a lovely time and having our son around now is an even greater experience, but childbirth is such an awful experience.

It is not that I feel traumatised in any way, but I just can't feel anything nice about a process that puts the person you love most in such horrible pain, knowing that there isn't much you can do and so many things that can go wrong.

It started all on Friday evening. I was just about to leave as the official visiting times were over (10pm). Suddenly, very erratic contractions kicked in (my wife was induced at 42 weeks) and put her in so much pain that the only resort was gas'n'air and pethedine injections. Finally they agreed to let me stay overnight. The following morning around 9am she was 3cm dilated, so she was transferred to the delivery suite and they finally agreed to start with an epidural. From there it took another 16 hours to get the baby out.

Attempted ventouse delivery - failed. Finally forceps delivery of a 10 lbs 4.5 oz baby boy at 1.01 am Sunday morning. The doctor was pulling so hard, I thought they would either rip his head off or break his neck. Not a very nice thing to watch. Finally he is out, about 700 ml of blood spilled all over the floor. Pediatrician taking over the baby. I decide to follow him closely. Want to take my son into my arms as soon as possible. While waiting there catching a look on my wife being stitched up.

To be honest, at this time I was horribly upset to see my son bruised all over the face (from the forceps) and with a big swelling on the head (from the ventouse) and on the other side seing my beloved wife, having lost so much blood and being stitched up. At that time I was asking myself if it was really the right decision not to insist on a c/s instead.

Finally held my son for some time before wife and son were returned to the maternity ward and I unfortunately had to leave at around 5am on Sunday morning. Could have imagined a nicer ambiente though. Until then we were still remaining in the same messed up room, blood everywhere, the placenta (looking like a huge piece of liver) still giving evidence of what happened just a while before.

Haven't slept for around 45 hours it was quite easy to switch my mind off and have a rest, still feeling guilty however about how much my wife had to suffer and wondering if she would catch some sleep at all.

Regarding visiting times: It is a scandal and I think QEH in Woolwich is really the worst: Visiting times for partners just from 3pm to 10pm. How are you supposed to support your wife and bond with the baby? I think that is just ridiculous. NHS: Never again, hopefully next time we can find a hospital (private?) where mums (and dads) are being treated like human beings.

Next time: Can't wait for my wife to be pregnant again (Fortunately she shares the same feelings). But childbirth: I think, I could do without it and for me its not the start of life - that is much before.

[wheresmyfroggy]

blimey micha you wanna try St Georges in Tooting they treated dw and me superbly.

[slartibardfast]

On visiting hours - the visiting card after my birth - a l-o-n-g time ago - said "visitors are allowed between 7pm and 8pm on Wednesdays and Sundays" and that anything that was brought in had to be checked first. Flowers not allowed. In their defence, this was before the days of antibiotics, so infection was a serious risk then.

[acnebride]

thing is micha26, if there were visitors about i found it just impossible to get any sleep. jR in oxford has 3 shortish sessions a day, 2 of which are for partners only, and in a way that was plenty. but if they'd got you a private room they didn't care - it was just keeping the rest of the ward quieter at defined times.
sorry you and yr dp had such a rough time.

[highlander]

as a doctor, DH was secretly delighted when I insisted on having a CS. We had such a fun time, he saw DS being pulled out with me giggling and asking if he had red hair. I packed him off to the nursery and they did all the weighing measuring etc whilst I was stitched up. The nurses there took loads of piccies of DH and DS doing that whole father/son bonding thing . It was really special for them . He was a bit peeved when he brought DS back to my room and DS spent the next 3 months camped out on my boobs

We relive our birth experience quite a lot, looking at all the photos etc. DH says he was anxious but mightily relieved that I was having a ball. It was fabby, and I'd do it again in a second. Not sure about those first 3 months with a newborn though