Question for The Men: What was childbirth like for you?

[morningpaper]

Someone posted on the thread about the NCT about how inaqeduately the antenatal classes prepared men for the shock of seeing their wife in labour.

Chaps - How did you feel about this?

I think my DH is totally traumatised by seeing me giving birth. In a way it was psychologically worse for him, sitting there and feeling helpless for 27 hours. At least I was doing something. I also had a NEWBORN immediately afterwards so there was no time for memories to form. Whereas he went home and stared at the wall trying to sleep and I think it consolidated the horror of it all in his memory.

I wondered how other husbands felt about their experiences in the labour room...?

[hannahsaunt]

1st time round dh made it over to the Mattie in time for the second stage (needn't have rushed, it took an hour). He was very bossy and in cahoots with the midwife. Cut the cord. Noted the large pph (4 pints); monitored my bp, inserted the venflons etc whilst midwife dealt with ds1 then they swapped over and he held ds1 for the first 45mins of his life whilst I was stiched up, medicated etc. Thought it all rather fab.

Ds2 - much longer labour (3 hours!) during which time I had morphine, he got bored and asked for a radio so he could listen to the football, bought chocolate for himself (which I then ate), leapt back when my waters broke, noted that ds2 emerged as waters broke (2nd stage - 2mins), cut cord. Thought all rather fab again.

[TokenBloke]

I went in fully expecting to minimise involvement with the 'business end'. This wasn't allow to last long however - the midwife had me stood at the bottom of the bed with one of dw's legs over my shoulder!

[bakedpotato]

DH liked the gas and air so much with no1, he ended up gaily cutting the cord

[PrettyCandles]

Dh told me that he felt much better about our second birth than about our first one, mostly because he was more involved actually doing things for me. Nothing fancy or technical (he refused the offer to cut the cord), just holding me and helping me through the contractions. The first time around I wanted his presence but didn't want to be touched most of the time - I realised that that had been counter-productive and approached things differently the second time. He was disturbed by the intensity of my distress, and felt utterly impotent to do anything about it. He was also exhausted by it all and fell asleep on my bed while I was walking up and down the room! Dh watched, from next to me, each child emerging, while I held on to him so hard that I left finger-bruises. He discovered their gender himself and whipped my clothes off me so that I could have immediate skin-to-skin with them. Then he whipped his clothes off too, so that he could also have skin-to-skin. We both think that we have never felt as close as we did in those last minutes of birthing and first minutes of new life. He was utterly exhilarated, especially the first time. He's normally the strong, silent Yorkshireman type, but my parents, who came and took him home afterwards, said that he couldn't stop talking, and even kissed my mum .

[jessicasmummy]

DH loved the birth of dd - until she wasnt breathing when born... we were both scared stiff. i had an epidural - but he said the half hour i was in pain before hand was horrible and couldnt believe i would be ok at the end of it all! once epidural given - i went to sleep and dh read his book! midwife woke me up at 2.25am saying they were worried about dd's heart rate and that she wanted a doc to examine me. doc examined me - asked me to give a practice push and said all was fine and would have a baby in a few hours. DH got very excited and was climbing the walls waiting.... when all of a sudden at 2.35am i felt a pressure in my bum as epidural starting wear off. i pushed 6 times and dd born at 2.49am! DH was adament he would be at the head end, but couldnt resist watching in the end and thought it was amazing. refused to cut the cord tho - and tbh i cant blame him! i wouldnt want to do it! dd whisked out of room without midwife even knowing if we had a girl or boy to get her breathing - all ok in 5 mins. dh immediately changed into his "im the daddy" t-shirt!

[Pol25]

my partner snored through most of the labour in the chair next to me but did cut d's cord.

[morningpaper]

I am enjoying all these posts.

They really should provide sun loungers or something for DH's to sleep on!

[HappyDaddy]

I did feel a spare part but was determined to stay with dw. I didn't sleep well the night before so at 5 in the morning, dw is screaming her head off on all fours, the midwives are talking all calm and quiet. The birthing room is bloody hot and im sat on a chair next to dw nodding off despite her screaming! Then dd came out and I heard them say the cord was wrapped around her neck, I was completely calm as I could tell how experienced and well they were working. They asked if I wanted to cut the cord but I let them do it, I was watching the business end the whole time and wasn't at all squeemish. DW kept worrying about the amount of blood and that her chuff looked like chopped liver. I just kept telling her she was wonderful and how proud i was of her. Was very close to tears when I held dd. The whole thing was amazing.

[TheDoughnut]

ds1 was an interesting time...
We were in for hostpital for what felt like days. 8 hrs in the birthing room at 90% humidity pool left me looking like a wrinkled prune. Over night sleeping on the floor was a joy and finally ended up in a crowded theatre (Do they sell tickets?) with Christmas Carols on the CD. The instrument set was the most frightning part - I'm sure I saw what looked like a manhole lifting key combined with a meat hook; It seemed to be his most used weapon! DS arrived in the end but needed to go to Special Care. The nurse with the incubator looked at me and asked "Do you want to stay here or go with baby?" What to do?... He won't remember - she will!

ds2 seemed easier to me although I was so tired I nearly fell asleep several times. Quite traumatic at the end - particularly as invited to the business end to offer support "Look - You can see the head coming out!".

[3mummy]

Hi I'm 3mummy's husband. I've been asked to say how I felt at the birth. I've now been through the experience 3 times and each time I've thought it was the most amazing experience. To see your baby being born is fantastic, it is so emotional and exhilarating, it is without doubt the best experience a father could have. It doesn't get any less either because every time it's a new life!! Traumatised? God no!! I remember every crowning vividly and fondly, it is the first time I get to see my child and I get to see it before mummy!! I wouldn't say I'm not squeamish because something?s turn my stomach but child birth is different to me. I like to cut the cord, if I could have been more involved I would have been. I agree the chairs could be more comfortable but having to watch the agony my wife goes through each time I guess I should be grateful all I get is a numb bum. LOL!! The only bit I would say was stressful was watching the anaesthetist botch my wife's epidural when she was in enough pain as it was (pillock!).

[Satine]

Flum's DP - you've made me laugh and feel much better about the birth of my dd - similar series of events and I don't feel like so much of a drama queen now! Vividly remember swearing loudly and comprehensively at anaesthetist who was telling me to keep still whilst trying to give me epidural - physically impossible, I reckon, when you're having contractions like that!

[Satine]

Soory, didn't mean to imply that labour for Flum was laughing matter - it's just that your description was so spot on!

[Flossam]

I think DP is less worried about gore and things than I am! Despite seeing it at work everyday, he is very much like 'it's only you'. He watched DS being born and loved it as far as he has said. Says it was amazing. Helped to cut the cord, too, although found it a bit tough (ewwwww). Also during the stitch up, the midwives showed both DP and my mum exactly where the work under construction was, again he didn't bat an eyelid! No he is really good, but then I realised that when I first met him, his pet cat spewed partially digested prawn all over the breakfast bar, his mum (also a nurse) was horrified and DP just grabbed the kitchen towel and started cleaning it all up! Not sure how that quite compares to labour but you get the gist!

[ghosty]

Put it this way ... the only time I have ever seen DH cry was when I was in labour and he begged me to agree to an epidural because he couldn't bear to see me in so much pain any longer.
When DS was finally born DH went home to tell my parents. It was 6am and my dad took one look at DH's face and poured him a very large whisky.
He doesn't talk about it much but I believe he was traumatised by the pain I went through and the fact that he nearly lost both of us.
With DD it was a nice chilled out c-s with jokes flying around .... very nice and not traumatic at all for him.

[dot1]

I've been in the interesting position of being the birth partner for ds1 (dp had him) and then having ds2 myself - so I've done both sides of it (as has dp!) and I can definitely say I was more traumatised by being the birth partner!!!!

Both our labours went exactly the same way - 33 hours, failure to dilate, problems, emergency caesareans and whilst I was scared during my own labour, I was in too much pain and too out of it to think about it that much. Seeing dp in unbelievable amounts of pain and not being able to do anything about it was truly awful, and for weeks/months afterwards I would cry when I remembered it - was sure I had PTSD!! I also felt incredibly guilty leaving her in the hospital and hated the restricted visiting hours (even though they were something like 8am - 8pm!!).

Dp's said the same - that it was much worse seeing me going through it than experiencing it herself...

So, huge respect to birth partners, aswell as the women doing the hard work, of course!

[Kevlarhead]

"What was childbirth like for you?"

Bloody awful. Arrived in hospital at 4am. Midwife examined dp and said "you're 6cms dilated, hopefully you'll have delivered before I come off-shift at 7!"

10 hours later we were still there.

She was exhausted and asking for an epidural, I was exhausted and utterly miserable at watching her being in so much pain and discomfort. Of course none of the staff qualified to administer an epidural were on shift at that time. So they pumped her full of pethedine and a shedload of gas'n'air.

I was trying to stay away from the business end, but ended up telling her to push, while holding a leg. She said later that because of my encouragement she knew she was getting somewhere and it would be over soon. I was just staring at her bits thinking "I can't recognise anything down there but the midwife says it's a head so I'll tell her to push"

Ds's delivery (3:45pm, natch) was heralded by an almighty splatter, as a mix of meconium, amnion and huge amount of blood hit the floor. The consultant who'd done the ventoussing caught him, and made an underhand rugby pass to the Special Care Baby Unit, who'd set up behind him. Poor Dp spent the next ten minutes having the remnants of the placenta removed, which scared the sh*t out of me. A baby emerging from my g/f I was (sort of) prepared for, not the double handful of blue meat that came after.

Didn't want to cut the cord, didn't get offered. Too busy worrying about dp (getting stitched back up) and ds (in SCBU, plugged into oxygen feed in wall) Ds was out after five minutes, and passed to me (all 9lbs 6oz of him), which was the one nice bit of the whole procedure. The rest of it was feeling pointless at unsocial hours of the morning.

"DH is totally traumatised by seeing me giving birth" -Nice to know it's not only me. Just writing this has me feeling miserable and tearful again.

[emmatmg]

I would absolutley love to know what Dh thinks about my labours.

He's a man a very few words on this matter but did say after ds1 was born "I knew you'd have to have an epidural as you have a very low pain threshold"

Pissed me right off at the time and I thought I agreed with him until I had ds2 at home with now pain relief and then realised he was talking shit when I did it again at home with ds3.

[emmatmg]

with NO pain relief now now

[emmatmg]

aggrrhhhh......NOT now.

[Shazzler]

shazzlers hubby here.

Gutted I didn't cut cord first time. Was scared it was going to be messy. But when student nurse and me were delivering baby (dont ask) I think I was involved enough. She had a episiotemy(?) and forceps so was a bit freaked out I think. Funny as hell watching her on gas and air though

Second child was really quick, so didn't really worry too much. Cut cord it was great.

I would advise ALL prospective fathers to get involved. It's not as bad as you think it will be. Why blokes faint is beyond me.

I'm sure it's sore, but men can't really figure out why. However it's a scientific fact that testicular pain is the worst pain possible. Worse than childbirth. So ladies when you are pushing, make sure it's hand you are holding......

[emmatmg]

shazzler Dh....you're playng with fire there.......very brave of you to say something hurts more that childbirth


get you hard hat on.


kidney stones are worse anyway.

[emmatmg]

OMG, can I actually type at all?



typos typos typos.

[zebraX]

DH's comment to thread title:
"Men don't do childbirth. It's a biological thing."

[Shazzler]

Not me thats saying it.
It's scientists. Conducted experiments.

But hey. It sure looks like it smarts ;)

How ANYBODY can do it without pain relief defies belief....

[morningpaper]

Shazzler - there used to be a culture where the birthing woman was given a piece of string, one end of which was tied around her husbands bollocks - so when she had a contraction she could pull on it, so that he could experience her pains with her.

I'll suggest that to your missus...