Question for The Men: What was childbirth like for you?

[morningpaper]

Someone posted on the thread about the NCT about how inaqeduately the antenatal classes prepared men for the shock of seeing their wife in labour.

Chaps - How did you feel about this?

I think my DH is totally traumatised by seeing me giving birth. In a way it was psychologically worse for him, sitting there and feeling helpless for 27 hours. At least I was doing something. I also had a NEWBORN immediately afterwards so there was no time for memories to form. Whereas he went home and stared at the wall trying to sleep and I think it consolidated the horror of it all in his memory.

I wondered how other husbands felt about their experiences in the labour room...?

[highlander]

as a doctor, DH was secretly delighted when I insisted on having a CS. We had such a fun time, he saw DS being pulled out with me giggling and asking if he had red hair. I packed him off to the nursery and they did all the weighing measuring etc whilst I was stitched up. The nurses there took loads of piccies of DH and DS doing that whole father/son bonding thing . It was really special for them . He was a bit peeved when he brought DS back to my room and DS spent the next 3 months camped out on my boobs

We relive our birth experience quite a lot, looking at all the photos etc. DH says he was anxious but mightily relieved that I was having a ball. It was fabby, and I'd do it again in a second. Not sure about those first 3 months with a newborn though

[acnebride]

thing is micha26, if there were visitors about i found it just impossible to get any sleep. jR in oxford has 3 shortish sessions a day, 2 of which are for partners only, and in a way that was plenty. but if they'd got you a private room they didn't care - it was just keeping the rest of the ward quieter at defined times.
sorry you and yr dp had such a rough time.

[slartibardfast]

On visiting hours - the visiting card after my birth - a l-o-n-g time ago - said "visitors are allowed between 7pm and 8pm on Wednesdays and Sundays" and that anything that was brought in had to be checked first. Flowers not allowed. In their defence, this was before the days of antibiotics, so infection was a serious risk then.

[wheresmyfroggy]

blimey micha you wanna try St Georges in Tooting they treated dw and me superbly.

[micha26]

Well, in my opinion there is absolutely nothing romantic about childbirth. It is a horrible, violent act - a necessary evil to get the little one out.

The entire pregnancy has been such a lovely time and having our son around now is an even greater experience, but childbirth is such an awful experience.

It is not that I feel traumatised in any way, but I just can't feel anything nice about a process that puts the person you love most in such horrible pain, knowing that there isn't much you can do and so many things that can go wrong.

It started all on Friday evening. I was just about to leave as the official visiting times were over (10pm). Suddenly, very erratic contractions kicked in (my wife was induced at 42 weeks) and put her in so much pain that the only resort was gas'n'air and pethedine injections. Finally they agreed to let me stay overnight. The following morning around 9am she was 3cm dilated, so she was transferred to the delivery suite and they finally agreed to start with an epidural. From there it took another 16 hours to get the baby out.

Attempted ventouse delivery - failed. Finally forceps delivery of a 10 lbs 4.5 oz baby boy at 1.01 am Sunday morning. The doctor was pulling so hard, I thought they would either rip his head off or break his neck. Not a very nice thing to watch. Finally he is out, about 700 ml of blood spilled all over the floor. Pediatrician taking over the baby. I decide to follow him closely. Want to take my son into my arms as soon as possible. While waiting there catching a look on my wife being stitched up.

To be honest, at this time I was horribly upset to see my son bruised all over the face (from the forceps) and with a big swelling on the head (from the ventouse) and on the other side seing my beloved wife, having lost so much blood and being stitched up. At that time I was asking myself if it was really the right decision not to insist on a c/s instead.

Finally held my son for some time before wife and son were returned to the maternity ward and I unfortunately had to leave at around 5am on Sunday morning. Could have imagined a nicer ambiente though. Until then we were still remaining in the same messed up room, blood everywhere, the placenta (looking like a huge piece of liver) still giving evidence of what happened just a while before.

Haven't slept for around 45 hours it was quite easy to switch my mind off and have a rest, still feeling guilty however about how much my wife had to suffer and wondering if she would catch some sleep at all.

Regarding visiting times: It is a scandal and I think QEH in Woolwich is really the worst: Visiting times for partners just from 3pm to 10pm. How are you supposed to support your wife and bond with the baby? I think that is just ridiculous. NHS: Never again, hopefully next time we can find a hospital (private?) where mums (and dads) are being treated like human beings.

Next time: Can't wait for my wife to be pregnant again (Fortunately she shares the same feelings). But childbirth: I think, I could do without it and for me its not the start of life - that is much before.

[Bozza]

Well Dh is in Germany so I can't ask him for his input unfortunately. I know he wasn't up for cutting the cord but that he did see DS's head emerging. Think he found it a bit traumatic on the pushing stage with DS - because I was obviously having to push so hard for two hours to get a 9 lb 10 oz first baby with huge head out. Also I know he looked away as much as possible during the extensive stitching.

With DD it was much more relaxed for both of us. I think the decision to have a home birth automatically meant he was more involved - sorting the room out, taking care of DS etc. And then when I was a bit late ringing the hospital and only one midwife had arrived he had the job of catching DD as the midwife guided her out which I think he was really pleased about - afterwards! I am really grateful that he was so supportive of my home birth because it was such a positive experience. Also I think it was nice for him in that he had me and DD tucked up there in our own bed instead of being sent home on his own.

[morningpaper]

lol at Happy Daddy dropping off while DW was screaming her head off!

[fuzzywuzzy]

mp

[morningpaper]

Shazzler - there used to be a culture where the birthing woman was given a piece of string, one end of which was tied around her husbands bollocks - so when she had a contraction she could pull on it, so that he could experience her pains with her.

I'll suggest that to your missus...

[Shazzler]

Not me thats saying it.
It's scientists. Conducted experiments.

But hey. It sure looks like it smarts ;)

How ANYBODY can do it without pain relief defies belief....

[zebraX]

DH's comment to thread title:
"Men don't do childbirth. It's a biological thing."

[emmatmg]

OMG, can I actually type at all?



typos typos typos.

[emmatmg]

shazzler Dh....you're playng with fire there.......very brave of you to say something hurts more that childbirth


get you hard hat on.


kidney stones are worse anyway.

[Shazzler]

shazzlers hubby here.

Gutted I didn't cut cord first time. Was scared it was going to be messy. But when student nurse and me were delivering baby (dont ask) I think I was involved enough. She had a episiotemy(?) and forceps so was a bit freaked out I think. Funny as hell watching her on gas and air though

Second child was really quick, so didn't really worry too much. Cut cord it was great.

I would advise ALL prospective fathers to get involved. It's not as bad as you think it will be. Why blokes faint is beyond me.

I'm sure it's sore, but men can't really figure out why. However it's a scientific fact that testicular pain is the worst pain possible. Worse than childbirth. So ladies when you are pushing, make sure it's hand you are holding......

[emmatmg]

aggrrhhhh......NOT now.

[emmatmg]

with NO pain relief now now

[emmatmg]

I would absolutley love to know what Dh thinks about my labours.

He's a man a very few words on this matter but did say after ds1 was born "I knew you'd have to have an epidural as you have a very low pain threshold"

Pissed me right off at the time and I thought I agreed with him until I had ds2 at home with now pain relief and then realised he was talking shit when I did it again at home with ds3.

[Kevlarhead]

"What was childbirth like for you?"

Bloody awful. Arrived in hospital at 4am. Midwife examined dp and said "you're 6cms dilated, hopefully you'll have delivered before I come off-shift at 7!"

10 hours later we were still there.

She was exhausted and asking for an epidural, I was exhausted and utterly miserable at watching her being in so much pain and discomfort. Of course none of the staff qualified to administer an epidural were on shift at that time. So they pumped her full of pethedine and a shedload of gas'n'air.

I was trying to stay away from the business end, but ended up telling her to push, while holding a leg. She said later that because of my encouragement she knew she was getting somewhere and it would be over soon. I was just staring at her bits thinking "I can't recognise anything down there but the midwife says it's a head so I'll tell her to push"

Ds's delivery (3:45pm, natch) was heralded by an almighty splatter, as a mix of meconium, amnion and huge amount of blood hit the floor. The consultant who'd done the ventoussing caught him, and made an underhand rugby pass to the Special Care Baby Unit, who'd set up behind him. Poor Dp spent the next ten minutes having the remnants of the placenta removed, which scared the sh*t out of me. A baby emerging from my g/f I was (sort of) prepared for, not the double handful of blue meat that came after.

Didn't want to cut the cord, didn't get offered. Too busy worrying about dp (getting stitched back up) and ds (in SCBU, plugged into oxygen feed in wall) Ds was out after five minutes, and passed to me (all 9lbs 6oz of him), which was the one nice bit of the whole procedure. The rest of it was feeling pointless at unsocial hours of the morning.

"DH is totally traumatised by seeing me giving birth" -Nice to know it's not only me. Just writing this has me feeling miserable and tearful again.

[dot1]

I've been in the interesting position of being the birth partner for ds1 (dp had him) and then having ds2 myself - so I've done both sides of it (as has dp!) and I can definitely say I was more traumatised by being the birth partner!!!!

Both our labours went exactly the same way - 33 hours, failure to dilate, problems, emergency caesareans and whilst I was scared during my own labour, I was in too much pain and too out of it to think about it that much. Seeing dp in unbelievable amounts of pain and not being able to do anything about it was truly awful, and for weeks/months afterwards I would cry when I remembered it - was sure I had PTSD!! I also felt incredibly guilty leaving her in the hospital and hated the restricted visiting hours (even though they were something like 8am - 8pm!!).

Dp's said the same - that it was much worse seeing me going through it than experiencing it herself...

So, huge respect to birth partners, aswell as the women doing the hard work, of course!

[ghosty]

Put it this way ... the only time I have ever seen DH cry was when I was in labour and he begged me to agree to an epidural because he couldn't bear to see me in so much pain any longer.
When DS was finally born DH went home to tell my parents. It was 6am and my dad took one look at DH's face and poured him a very large whisky.
He doesn't talk about it much but I believe he was traumatised by the pain I went through and the fact that he nearly lost both of us.
With DD it was a nice chilled out c-s with jokes flying around .... very nice and not traumatic at all for him.

[Flossam]

I think DP is less worried about gore and things than I am! Despite seeing it at work everyday, he is very much like 'it's only you'. He watched DS being born and loved it as far as he has said. Says it was amazing. Helped to cut the cord, too, although found it a bit tough (ewwwww). Also during the stitch up, the midwives showed both DP and my mum exactly where the work under construction was, again he didn't bat an eyelid! No he is really good, but then I realised that when I first met him, his pet cat spewed partially digested prawn all over the breakfast bar, his mum (also a nurse) was horrified and DP just grabbed the kitchen towel and started cleaning it all up! Not sure how that quite compares to labour but you get the gist!

[Satine]

Soory, didn't mean to imply that labour for Flum was laughing matter - it's just that your description was so spot on!

[Satine]

Flum's DP - you've made me laugh and feel much better about the birth of my dd - similar series of events and I don't feel like so much of a drama queen now! Vividly remember swearing loudly and comprehensively at anaesthetist who was telling me to keep still whilst trying to give me epidural - physically impossible, I reckon, when you're having contractions like that!