Help me convince my phobic husband that a homebirth is a good idea/

[leakyR]

I am 25 weeks pg with dc2. Had my first birth in hospital in Leeds, but moved to lancashire early last year.
Saw midwife today and she told me that it is not as likely that I'll get the hospital waterbirth that I want (and had with ds1) here in Bury.
The mat unit is v small, only 5 delivery rooms, 1 with a pool. The pool is not used very frequently for births - only labour and she said she wasn't sure how many of the midwives would be "comfortable" with waterbirth. she did not know stats or anything for the hsopital, but said my best chance for a waterbirth is at home.

When I first found out about my pregnancy I brought this up with dh. I love the idea of a home waterbirth. He has a serious medical phobia and following his sister's traumatic (hospital) birth which resulted in our niece having cerebral palsy is very nervous about things going wrong at home.

My first birth was fantastic and I would love the opportunity to deliver in water again, but am struggling to get him to look at hb as a serious option.

My DH was exactly the same but he finally realised that I was giving birth and he wasn't.

I loved my home birth, I could do what I wanted and I was so much more relaxed despite having a 10lb 5oz boy!

My DH now thinks that home births are much better and we will be going down that route again.

I'm not really wanting to get into the "why do you need to convince him?" discussion. He has a severe medical phobia and as a result has only limited knowledge and experience on the subject of childbirth. On the other hand during my first preganancy, I overcompensated for his stste of mind by reading voraciously and attending ante natal classes/active birth and waterbirth information sessions alone. It's more a case of giving him the information and trying to get him to face and address his fears.

He is prepared to read around the subject and I am in touch my local NCT waterbirth adviser and she is prepared to come round and chat to both of us. i also know a few local mums who've had homebirths and if needs be will try and get them and their dps to chat with dh.

The fathers book look s very interesting and useful.

We are probably 30-40 mins from the Bolton Royal hospital (depending) on traffic. If needs be I could ask my midwife about going there.

Taking our own pool is not feasible at local hospital and I'm not sure we can afford doula or private midwife.

I really apperciate all the suggestions and advice you've given me. DH is away for work the next couple of days so I intend to have lots of lovely info ready for him when he gets back.

If we can't agree on homebirth - I guess I'll grudgingly end up in hospital without my waterbirth. But I know if I have a crappy time I'll blame dh.

I'm not really wanting to get into the "why do you need to convince him?" discussion. He has a severe medical phobia and as a result has only limited knowledge and experience on the subject of childbirth. On the other hand during my first preganancy, I overcompensated for his stste of mind by reading voraciously and attending ante natal classes/active birth and waterbirth information sessions alone. It's more a case of giving him the information and trying to get him to face and address his fears.

He is prepared to read around the subject and I am in touch my local NCT waterbirth adviser and she is prepared to come round and chat to both of us. i also know a few local mums who've had homebirths and if needs be will try and get them and their dps to chat with dh.

The fathers book look s very interesting and useful.

We are probably 30-40 mins from the Bolton Royal hospital (depending) on traffic. If needs be I could ask my midwife about going there.

Taking our own pool is not feasible at local hospital and I'm not sure we can afford doula or private midwife.

I really apperciate all the suggestions and advice you've given me. DH is away for work the next couple of days so I intend to have lots of lovely info ready for him when he gets back.

If we can't agree on homebirth - I guess I'll grudgingly end up in hospital without my waterbirth. But I know if I have a crappy time I'll blame dh.

LeakyR, if you want to change units just ask your GP to refer you there. You will still see your community midwife in Bury but will be booked at Bolton also. However if you do decide to go for a home birth then you wil obviously stay under the care of Bury all the time. I would recommend getting in touch with the consultant midwife at Bolton (Cathy Atherton) to chat through your needs, she will be very symapthetic to you. If you need some info re local Independent Midwives then just shout and I can email you Good luck.

one argument is that here in Holland 30% of births are at home and they don't have any higher rates of perinatal death than the UK, in fact a bit lower...

I think once people know the facts about the safety of homebirth then an insistence on hospital birth tends is an irrational prejudice and logical argument doesn't really carry much weight.

That said, if I was you leaky I'd get the midwife to have a serious talk with your DH. Maybe hearing it from a health professional would persuade him.

DH has done some reading while in London for work and had a long chat with his sister about her birth experience.
She was very supportive of my hopes for a hwb and he seems to be coming round to the idea. It galls me slightly that this positive attitude seems to come from talking to SIL not me, but I'll take all the help I can get

Have arranged for him to chat to a couple of dps of women who have had hb. Feeling hopeful.

DH has done some reading while in London for work and had a long chat with his sister about her birth experience.
She was very supportive of my hopes for a hwb and he seems to be coming round to the idea. It galls me slightly that this positive attitude seems to come from talking to SIL not me, but I'll take all the help I can get

Have arranged for him to chat to a couple of dps of women who have had hb. Feeling hopeful.

My husband was similarly unsure (I'm due in 7 wks), but like you I had a hospital waterbirth last time and want a waterbirth again but have since moved and the local hospital doesn't even have a pool
My sister, who is a midwife, recently edited a book of home birth stories, which I'd highly recommend (not just because she's my sister!). The link is www.amazon.co.uk/Home-Births-Stories-Inspire-Inform/dp/1905179022 It has stories from both mums' and dads' perspectives, and my dh found it hugely reassuring and inspiring.

Hi

I had a home waterbirth in September.
It was the best decision I have made, I was just in my own little bubble in my home, with all my things around, not having to rush round trying to get to hospital or going to be examined then sent away to dilate further, which all of my friedns have experinced, not really what you need when you are trying to fucus on giving birth!

We don't live far from the hospital, and I did have to transfer there to have my placenta removed. It was fine, just make sure you are prepared for this possibility and have a bag ready...I didnt and I was in no fit state to instruct my husband as to where to find my best pjs and maternity sanitary pads, I looked a right state in hospital wearing their massive nappies I and had to leave in my dressing gown as hubby didn't think to pack me any clothes!! Was quite funny looking back!

If your DH is medical phobic - does this mean he is squeemish? If so, you mght need someone with a stronger stomach to be there to help - i.e. fishing poo out of the pool withn a seive, emptying the remains of birth from the pool and cleaning and steralising it all... stuff you don't really have to worry about in the hospital.

...also, make sure you have a decent water/floating thermometer to check the pool temperature - we had a digial baby thermometer which the mdwife wasn't happy about using, nearly had to send DH to B&Q during labour to go fetch one, as it was I was fully dilated by the time the midwife arrived and I just got in to the pool, can't stop a woman on a mission!

Best of luck with everything