home births with older sibling ??

[mummyloveslucy]

Hi, we are trying for our second baby at the moment. We have a 3.5 year old daughter who we had in hospital but would like a home birth for the second one.
I know it sounds silly as I'm not even pregnant yet but would my daughter be in the house when I'm giving birth?
I'd like her to be there very soon after so that she can be involved with the baby. What do you think? what do most people do who have home births?
My Mum is a midwife so hopefully she'll deliver it as she delivered my daughter.

Hellsbells - that is interesting what you say about your body letting go once older DCs are in bed...that is exactly what happened with my HB.

Waters broke as I was putting DD1 to bed at about 7pm (no prior niggles or pain at all) - I let out a little squeak of shock and told DD1 I had a cramp in my leg - didn't want to risk her getting all excited and not going to sleep! Then contractions started at about 9.30pm and DD2 was born at about 11.45pm. DD1 slept though the whole thing.

It was lovely seeing DD1's face in the morning when we pulled back the duvet cover to show her her new sister

I had 1,2 and 3 at home. With 2, dd1 slept through it all and had a cuddle in bed altogether in the morning (dd1 was 19 mths). With 3, dd1 and dd2 were looked after by grandma and then came 1/2 hr after the birth. I did think about them being there, as they are 7 and 5, but I thought that they might find it upsetting to see me in pain. Also I thought I would find it difficult to really relax and 'let go', because my attention would be on them. Sweet though it is, I didn't think I could cope with being in labour and them fussing around me - and I am very glad that we did the way we did it! Mind you, reading cazboldy's experience I did think, 'ahhhhh!'.
Good luck - homebirths are wonderful, I almost feel .

I recently had a hb with DS2. I always planned to have DS1 in the house for it, with someone around (either my sister, MIL or mum, depending when it happened) to look after him.

As I had had DS1 at 38 weeks I wasn't expecting to go overdue but I was 42+4 and desperate to give birth when my midwife suggested sending DS1 to go and stay with MIL. On the 2nd night of his being away I finally went into labour and gave birth, at home, the next morning at 43 weeks (on the day of my proposed induction!).

I wonder if it was that DS1 (2.5 years) still wakes in the night and that the bathroom is next to his room so subconsciously I was worried about him being disturbed (he's a very light sleeper) and it was holding me back. I was very noisy during labour and I think I would have felt inhibited if DS1 had been there.

Unfortunately DS1 is now a little bit wary of MIL - I think he blames her for the arrival of DS2!

I would have loved for DS1 to be there but it seems that it wasn't meant to be.

I had a home birth with dd1 (2yrs) at home. I was really hopeful that I would be able to deliver overnight so we could have the lovely outcome that so many have described where dd came down for breakfast and found the new baby had miraculously arrived.

All started well when my waters broke at 3am. However, I think that the pressure to deliver according to a schedule and the worry that I may wake dd1 meant that the labour was more stressful than it could have been.

I was determined not to have to call my mum in ("it was much harder in my day") and we were fortunate enough to end up with 4 midwives!! The usual 2, plus a student, then the Homebirth co-ordinator who was keen and started early. I think all the people in the house and the comings and goings (arrival of midwives, arrival of entonox etc) meant that dd1 was stirring at 5.30ish. It really put me off and at 6am I agreed to my mum being called in. She arrived quickly and so did dd2.

The whole homebirth experience was great and I would definitely recommend it, but my advice would be to ensure that you are very happy with the plans you have made for care of your dd. And, make sure that you plan for all eventualities (within reason).

Good luck and have fun with the trying

DD1 was 18 months when DD2 was born, she slept through the whole labour (2 1/2 hours) and woke up and came into bed with me, DP and her new sister at 6am.

I had DD3 8 weeks ago, DD2 slept through the whole thing and had to be wakened at 8am to come and meet her sister. DD1 (4) woke just after she was born and came in to see us.

I would recommend having another adult (not you or partner) in the house in case she wakes just for her (we had my friend and SIL) also in the rare case you may need to go to hospital you will have child care. I also allowed DD1 to watch a few scenes of childbirth and told her that Mummy needs to shout and scream and it helps me get the baby out but it's not scary or anything.

It's lovely your Mum delivering your baby as well.

I've been thinking about this recently too as I am trying for another baby - have 9mth DD already and so she will be around 18mth+ when baby is born (depending on when baby no2 decides to come along!). I think that she would sleep through it if it happened at night as she does usually sleep through anything! But I did make a lot of noise during her birth (at one point I was really nervous about what the neighbours were thinking about this strange noise going on next door! ) and I think I would have my sister stay with us if possible to look after her if she did wake up, and also in case I end up in hospital again like I did with her as she got well and truly stuck and I ended up with emergency c-section to get her out!
But I remember from my childhood (I'm eldest of 9 ) that I hated it when my mother went into hospital - it worried me and I have never liked hospitals since, even though my experience was more positive. So I think I would rather have DD there if possible and try to explain to her what was happening and that it was all completely natural and nothing to be scared of. But I still don't think I would be able to focus on the birth unless I knew she was completely taken care of or asleep, in order for me to be able to relax and just go with the flow. I would love to be able to curl up in bed with DH and both children afterwards and bond - also would be great to have DH there the first night which I didn't get with DD as he wasn't allowed to stay with me even though it was 3am when he left!

I had back up plan for 2nd homebirth, involving mate who could come and read/sit with/sooth dd in her room or elsewhere.

In event. dd (then nerly two) slept through, unheard of for her, but she did that particular night.

And as for noise?

I was louder with first.

I think HBs are the way to do it easy. dd will sleep or take a gander then watch telly when she gets bored.

I've just had my third at home - was great (although very painful!) He came during the day so we rang the dcs nursery and asked them to keep them in for the afternoon until it was over. Personally, I wouldn't have wanted them there; I think ds1 would have been very upset to see me in that much pain -although we'll never know. He did say to me though 'I'm glad I wasn't there mummy because I don't want to see you screaming' lol, he's a sensitive soul.

'Hello Baby' is a brilliant book and explains the shouting very well - DD(2.9 then) thought that was the best bit of the book and was slightly disappointed I didn't make more noise I think

She was upstairs with SiL when DS arrived and saw him within minutes. It was wonderful. Good luck with all of it

My son is desperate to be there when bump is born, but I have mixed feelings. I am undecided. He is only six years old and I think he will find it too much.

I had a homebirth with a pool 9 weeks ago, and ds1 was there to see ds2 arrive. Ds1 is nearly 3.5.

He watched Bob the Builder in the next room for most of my labour after helping dh fill up the pool.

I had an Independent midwife which I think helped so he knew all the people in the house and was the least flustered of all of us!

I had arranged for my Mum to come and look after ds1 but labour started at rush hour so we knew she would not make it in time. We had made back up arrangements but didn't feel the need to use them, he was fine watching Bob and with dh popping in on him now and then.

I was always comfortable about the thought of him being in the house while I gave birth, I hadn't thought a great deal about him being in the room it all just sort of happened. He has done a great impression of the noise I made for the final pushes! He seemed most interested in the entonox, that and Bob the Builder. The theme tune will always hold a particular significance for me

My 3.5yr old DS was present when his sister was born last November. It was perfect. We'd actually planned for my SIL to be there so she could take him out or to a friend's house or be with him in another room but she didn't get there in time as things moved really fast.
But it worked out really well.
He wasn't actually at my side for the delivery but in the same room. I had made a box of 'big brother' presents with everything wrapped up and he was busy opening those and playing with them. He came over to see the baby and watched the placenta come out which he thought was fascinating. He'd read some home birth picture books so was expecting it. We called it the baby's 'cushion'.

One of my most special memories was about 10 minutes before she was born. DS wandering over casually as we were waiting for the midwives to come in the door (Koala Brothers in Cbeebies) and he said gently in my ear, "Mummy you are doing so well. Come on mummy. I know you can do it". He was incredibly relaxed throughout the whole thing. But I guess it helped as I was too. My husband on the other hand...

BabyDragon was a homebirth and her 2 older brothers were in the house. Then I wanted them out and they had to be gone right then. they went out with DH and I had DD 17 minutes later.

I had a home water birth 3 weeks ago.
My 18 month dd was there. I had 4 mwives. My dh. my sister and 13yr old neice.
I wanted sister for support and to video, dh for me and topping up pool, and niece for dd as I dont get a look in when niece is around as my dd adores her.
However we all ended up in the same room, and dd was there when ds was born.

I was concerned about her getting upset if she saw me in a state, but I was fine, and so was she.
Her first word when he came out was oohh baby, then she looked at the water and said eerugh dirty.

It was wonderful, but I know it could have easily gone the other way, so luckily had plenty of people on standby to take her out.
Also Mw gave good advice, she said sometimes if you are busy worring about other children in the house, you cant let go properly,and it can effect/slow/hinder labour IYKWIM.
Good luck with whatever you decide.

I will say though it was a very long day. I started at 3am, dd was up at 7am.
I didnt have ds while 7.30pm.
Was a long day for dd as she didnt have a proper day time nap,just a short nap in her buggy when niece took her out.
So by the time baby was born she was very very tired.
Also she wont settle for anyone if I am around so she had to wait around while we waited for placenta and been checked over.I then had to go upstairs and put her to bed.
Little things I hadnt thought about as I was so sure that ds would come in the night and dd would be fast asleep in bed.....

In an ideal world