sensitive midwives?

[changeofnameforthispost]

I'm hoping for some reassurance but would rather know it "how it is" than sugar-coated so please be honest...

There are a lot of threads on mumsnet which refer to care, especially after birth, being shall we say less than optimal in the kindness and sensitivity department. And I realise a lot of this has to do with understaffing etc, but...

I am very worried because I was sexually assaulted as a child and many years on, even the most ordinary medical procedures can still be difficult because of the memories they can trigger. I know this isn't particularly logical but I understand it's quite a common response.

It is very important for me not to have people "just do things" to me without telling me, asking and gaining permission before touching or doing anything to me, and having someone I know and trust with me to hold my hand and keep me grounded.

I am terrified that from all I've heard about the expectation being that you should leave your dignity at the door, this just can't/won't happen. I am especially worried for the time after birth, if I have to stay in hospital on my own and my partner is sent home because of visiting times.

I am, unfortunately, by no means alone in having these issues - so would like to think midwives are used to it and will react sensitively?

Also - I guess this is a question for midwives/doulas or those in the same situation as me - is there anything I can do (before, to prepare and also whilst in hospital) to help with this and not be a "problem patient"? People are busy enough without having patients demanding special treatment because of "issues" and I don't want to cause trouble!

On counselling, I did ask my GP for assistance two years ago (something I found very difficult to do) as wanting to start a family in the medium term future had given me the incentive to seek help. However, it seems that in my local area the only help available for mental/emotional/psychological issues is "emergency sticking plaster" for those whose problems have overwhelmed them. My GP's practice doesn't allocate resources to help people with specific anxieties or phobias who are otherwise OK and able to get on with their daily lives. It seems so very shortsighted that the sort of "stitch-in-time" help I had screwed up my courage to ask for, isn't available.... but apparently that's how it is, round here anyway.

Sorry, rant over.

If it's not too intrusive a question, what sort of "practice" has helped with the freezing up? I'm interested because I've found the blood/needle phobia has improved - a bit! - through a mixture of a deliberate campaign of familiarisation plus a technique called "applied tension" which helps physically to keep the faintness at bay. Even though I don't think I'll ever stop feeling faint/passing out at unexpected and inconvenient moments - snatches of conversation on the train about people's operations still get me every time!

My hospital had some private rooms which could be booked - perhaps this is something you could consider for your postnatal stay, which might enable your partner to stay with you?
Just a thought, which could improve your confidence, perhaps without the cost of a doula for the whole process.