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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Ok, please come and talk sense into me - am 19 weeks pg and having seriously panicking about what is going to happen with DS when I go into labour.

39 replies

ceebee74 · 03/07/2008 20:35

I know I am being irrational about this but I am feeling really panicky about who will look after DS (he will be 2.4 at the time) when I go into labour.

I would have no issues if it was my parents but they live 90 minutes away so are not exactly 'on-call'. MIL, on the other hand, lives 15 minutes away.

I know MIL is the obvious choice but I just can't bring myself to think that she will be able to look after DS for what could be well over a day. She is in her 70's and we have never left DS with her before - although DH thinks that it should be her.

In fact I have never spent a night away from DS and it breaks my heart to think how upset he might be if I am not there

Sorry - this is a bit of a ramble but I can't think straight about it and just need some common sense so I can get some perspective on this.

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Original poster

ceebee74 · 03/07/2008 21:32

Thanks for all the advice - I think I am just going to have to bite the bullet and organise some time when it is just MIL and DS over the next few months.

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Elasticwoman · 03/07/2008 21:36

We left dd1 with mil who was 69 at the time, when i had dd2. There was not a problem with dd1 missing me, but then my dc could never wait to see the back of me !!! I was back home same day though, so she didn't have much time to miss me.

when I had ds, my mother came and held the fort when she was 78. No great disaster ensued.

CantSleepWontSleep · 03/07/2008 22:02

Thanks mm. Will put you as a back up plan. Just a bit nervous because dd has never spent time with you without me at the same time. And you'd prob change your mind if you knew how short her sleeps were at the moment .

Dd had school trip today, hence not at M&T. Was hoping that Jenny would let people know, as I told her on Tues. Should be there next week though.

springerspaniel · 04/07/2008 09:23

ceebee74 - no words of wisdom. Just wanted to say that I could have written an identical post. I am 39 1/2 weeks now and have been OBSSESSING about this since before I got pregnant!

My parents are also 1 1/2 hours away. Some friends locally but they work.

Used to keep me awake for hours with 'what ifs', e.g. what if I go into labour at 8am and noone can come as they are all going to work, etc. etc.

Doesn't help that first labour was 7 hours of agony from start to finish so worried about not getting there in time plus DS1 seeing me in pain.

I have done as much prep as I can - getting a list, etc. but when it comes to it, at the very worse, I'll phone an ambulance if on my own and will take DS1 to hospital if noone else can come.

To be honest, I am now more worried about the labour itself!

P.S. (In my 'instructions' to the person looking after DS1, I have obsessively written his bedtime routine out. Makes me feel better, even if the person doesn't stick to it!)

sweetkitty · 04/07/2008 09:30

hi like springerspaniel I'm 39 weeks and this is still stressing me out too so you are certainly not alone. SIL is coming up but she's about an hour away (I have 4yo and 2 1/2 yo), a nice friend has offered to come up and take the DDs away but she has her own children but luckily her DH is on holiday for 3 weeks now).

Even having a homebirth I am stressed, I am not quiet and don't really want the DDs to hear me although talking through it people have told me they won't be scarred for life and will probably remember the presents the baby brings them more than me screaming. I have also told DD1 that Mummies need to shout a lot to get the baby out! My last labour was 2 1/2 hours and was intense and v painful from the off, I am so hoping I get a show or waters going a few hours beforehand to get some sort of warning. The DDs being OK stresses me out more than the labour TBH.

I think the idea of asking your MIL to do first shift then your parents the second one is a great idea. Your MIL would only have him for a few hours then.

Also most women have babies in the night so chances are he could sleep through the whole thing (my DD1 did).

BetsyBoop · 04/07/2008 09:40

the other thing I was going to say was don't be afraid of asking friends

when my friend had her first I was working FT (my pre kids days) & she was really nervous of asking for help because of it - but her PIL were 2hrs away (her parents 4hrs away) so she needed a back up plan just in case. I was honoured to be asked - spoke to my boss & explained the situation & he was fine with the fact that I might need to disappear at a moments notice. As it happened I wasn't needed as her PIL made it in plenty of time. So just because someone is working doesn't mean you can't ask them, any good friend would be delighted to help out for something so special

RhinestoneCowgirl · 04/07/2008 09:43

Hi ceebee, having exactly the same thoughts and as you know I have a strong chance of being in labour on Christmas Day .

In our case we're planning for homebirth, but my mum is coming to stay so that there is someone around to see to DS in case I do have to go in to hosp. I felt v nervous of asking friends to do 'back up' as my mum is 3 hrs drive away, but I have 2 close friends with children who have been great and say that they will be 'on call'.

I think the 'shifts' idea is a good one. But you know what? It will prob just work itself out anyway (that's what I keep telling myself...)

lackaDAISYcal · 04/07/2008 09:48

ceebee, could your MIL come and stay at your house? that way at least DS would be around all his won, familiar stuff? I forget how old he is again, but certainly my DS loved staying at his GPs when he was little. them having lots of trial runs between now and then should help set your mind at rest a bit.

Also, have you asked your sis and her DP? You'd be surprised. I'm sure they could arrange something, that one of them could come and collect him and take him back to theirs if necessary. It's probably good to have a couple of options up your sleeve as well to cover all bases.

Our friends were tripping over themselves to help out when i was pregnant with DD as well, but the offers didn't come in until much later on in the pregnancy.....talk it over with your closest friends, maybe ask the ones that have more than one DC what they did.....you might find the offers come pouring in!

Original poster

ceebee74 · 04/07/2008 19:47

Thanks for the further replies (Hi Rhinestone and Lacksa )

It does make me feel better that I am not alone in feeling like this - I know it is me being a bit obsessive about DS's bedtime routine aswell!

Tbh, I think the best option would be for my sister to come and take DS back to hers as he loves being with his 3 cousins so much that it wouldn't upset him at all - but that is obviously going to depend on what time I go into labour etc - but that wouldn't work if it was a school day!

Tbh, the way I am feeling, the only option I think I would be totally comfortable with is DH staying at home and me going to the hospital with someone else (my sister) but I can imagine DH's reaction to that!!

OP posts:

lackaDAISYcal · 04/07/2008 22:41

ceebee, does your sister work? If not, I wouldn't worry about the school day too much. If you can't have a day off when your little brother or sister comes into the world, when can you? . I know kids at our school who have been kept off for similar reasons.

hellymelly · 04/07/2008 22:52

I was in just the same situation,I was trying for a vbac and ended up with another section.I had a doula so that dH could be with DD in the night time,and in the day she was with a friend.I also came home asap (two days)luckily the baby was born in the day so dh was with me.DD was upset,but it was better than any other alternative.

PinkTulips · 04/07/2008 22:56

for what it's worth the only option we had for ds was my mother who was 1.5 to 2 hours away.

i rang her as soon as i was certain it was labour and she got there hours before i felt the need to go to hospital.

the less i say about her care of dd the better though, suffice to say dd was still up and about when we rang after midnight to say ds had been born... and she'd been out cold when we left!

Original poster

ceebee74 · 05/07/2008 12:50

Lacks - sorry, not sure my last post was clear. My sister does work and her 3 children go to school (DS is too young) I guess my sis could take the day off work, look after DS on his own during the day and then they could go and pick my sister's 3 children up from school.

Pinktulips/Hellybelly - thanks for sharing your experiences. Pink - I think that is what I am worried about if MIL looks after DS - that he will still be up and about, causing mayhem at 2 in the morning - or she will insist on checking on him every 10 minutes and therefore disturbing him - I know for a fact my parents would put him in his cot, and then leave him for the rest of the evening (my mum is a firm believer in children staying in bed once it is past bedtime ).

OP posts:

Bramshott · 05/07/2008 12:59

Have a few plans, and then go for the most appropriate one for the time of day you go into labour. I hadn't actually asked the friends who had DD1 when I was in labour, just happened to know which days my friend worked, and then rang her up when labour started . IME, no-one will turn down a request from a woman in labour!! In fact it was for the best as our Plan A had been to take DD1 to friends in the same town the hospital was in, but in fact DD2 arrived in the car on the way so if we had been going with Plan A, DD1 would still have been with us.

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