Feeling like a failure after birth.

[Overthinkeralways]

Hi all,

I gave birth last Sunday and have felt like I’ve failed at giving birth ever since. I had to
be induced and the process took 24 hours. Then I went had an oxytocin drip. Eventually my contractions became too much and I was in so much pain I was begging for the epidural. The epidural was amazing, but then I began to feel really sick and spiked a temperature. The baby’s heart rate was
dropping at points too.

I eventually gave birth to the most beautiful baby. They had to take him away because I had a temperature. I had to be stitched four times. Initially the thought only three but the last tear needed to be done.

I now feel so useless that my body wasn’t able to cope. I’m also in a lot of pain from the stitches and feel like I’m never going to be normal down there again. I’m worried I’ll never be able to be intimate with my husband again. He is trying to do everything for the baby because I’m in too much pain. I want to bring him for a walk but it takes me ages to walk anywhere. Breastfeeding is also hard and I’m giving formula which wasn’t my intention and I feel my baby will never go to breast now.

If anyone had similar experiences and could tell me when they were feeling better or what they did to feel better I’d be so grateful. I don’t have many friends that have had babies yet, but those that did seem to have had much more positive experiences and so I feel like I failed somehow.

You're not a failure, inductions are not always pleasant. I had a great birth with DD1, had her on MLU, 5 hours from waters starting to go to her arriving, fairly calm. Had her sister 7 years later and was induced due to age, had the propess which lead to 12 hours of contractions and then everything stopped. 4 days later I got rushed to labour ward due to heart rate and was put on the syntocin drip, was ok at first then a midwife ramped it up and it was just awful, couldn't cope with the pain at all, and would have had an epidural but when I asked for one it was too late. I expected my second one to be a walk in the park, would recommend getting a birth debrief from the hospital, I left it too late and regret it, you've done amazingly though and congratulations.

You have a healthy baby, therefore you didn't "fail" at giving birth. You are very, very, very, very lucky. You had a tough time of it, there's no doubt about that. But honestly, there's no such thing as failing at giving birth. It really doesn't matter HOW your baby comes into the world. The point is they ARE here, and it's what you do now that determines what kind of a parent you are, not what you did during the birth.

You have a healthy baby, therefore you didn't "fail" at giving birth. You are very, very, very, very lucky. You had a tough time of it, there's no doubt about that. But honestly, there's no such thing as failing at giving birth. It really doesn't matter HOW your baby comes into the world. The point is they ARE here, and it's what you do now that determines what kind of a parent you are, not what you did during the birth.

Give yourself some time to heal. You are great at giving birth. Induction is intervention and it forces your body to do something it's not ready for. It's way more painful. It's no wonder you found the pin too much. It leads to interventions because it's not natural for your body. They should inform you of these risks when they recommend induction, but they don't.

Women's birth trauma does matter though.

I have just had my second.
The birth of my daughter was idyllic almost as if it had came straight from a rom com. I woke up at midnight waters went whilst I was on the toilet. I went into labour a few hours later. I laboured at home until I was fully dilated. I got to the hospital with enough time to get into the birthing pool and baby was born whilst I was still in the pool just with a little bit of gas and air for the delivery.

This time around I was induced as my body was struggling with pregnancy. My birth was relatively straightforward from an induction point of view. I only needed the pessetry in for a few hours, I had had a sweep the night before. I had been having contractions for the previous 4 weeks due to an irritated uterus so that helped.

I moved to the delivery suite at 6 cm with bulging waters and that's where it stalled. Part of the reason I was being induced was because I couldn't stay awake for more than 1-2h so I had to sleep a lot during labour. When ever I had the strength to stand i progressed and when I had to lie down it went backwards. 4h after being in the delivery suite in couldn't stand any more. I was now only 5cm and my waters were no longer bulging and showing no signs they were going to go. Lying down meant I didn't have the required pressure from the head on my cervix to maintain progress. They decided the break my waters and that put rocket fuel on every thing, baby went into distress, they lost the heartbeat 3 times with calls of "press the emergency button, wait we have a heartbeat" in the space of a few minutes. I then had a midwife chasing the baby during the contraction so they could keep track of baby. He came out with the cord around is neck and was blue for a few minutes.

I thought my body was pretty good after my first birth. It was absolutely magical but I am so so much proud of my body and what it could do after this second labour. I went into that room pregnant and pretty much bed bound feeling pretty crappy about my body that I felt was letting me down. I came out with a healthy baby and a refound appreciation that my body can go above and beyond for me. However baby makes its escape it's pretty special that you have a body that makes another human and gets it into this world whether that is with a straight forward birth, induced, with or without pain relief or a caesarian