Struggling to cope with failed VBAC

[BHA90]

Hello, wondering if anyone can help. I'm really struggling to cope with my failed VBAC. My first baby was induced and after 3 days of labour I only dilated 1cm despite having waters broken and going on drip etc. Went to emcs due to risk of infection.

For my second, I researched endlessly and planned for VBAC at birth centre. When labour started, my contractions were instantly unbearable, and after 36 hours of mostly 3 in 10 contractions (no pain relief or interventions), I still had only dilated 3cm and had to have emcs due to distress signs in baby (not moving much on monitor, elevated heart rate, heart rate dips). It was suggested that baby was back to back and the consultant made a flippant comment about my cervix being thick, but no other explanation was given as to why this happened.

I am really heartbroken that it happened, and can't stop feeling like a failure (I had hyperemesis in pregnancy and am worried it was because I didn't move enough and got baby stuck in a bad position). I really want to understand why I wasn't able to labour naturally. Has anyone else had this experience? Is it possible to get answers as to why you don't dilate? And does anyone have any advice on how to move on from this?

I give eternal thanks for the fact I had to have emergency c sections.Without them I may not be here, and neither would my two now grown up children, grandchildren and great grandchildren.
Never consider yourself a failure because you had to have caesarean sections to give birth.

I had this a bit.
I tried so so so hard for my vbac. I was in birth centre, went against guidance and said no to constant monitoring on a bed on my back etc. on all fours.

Baby very distressed and heart rate went to 40 and never recovered. Had a crash c section under general anaesthetic within 5 minutes. Baby born not breathing and floppy, failed the apgar score. Went to nicu.

i spent days after trying to piece together what had happened, I felt like I was living a nightmare. I couldn’t focus on life, just playing out how it had gone so wrong over and over and over and over again.

my birth debrief where I asked 3 times what I had done wrong and they said nothing, made me feel better. And then time was a healer

Labour ward midwife here. I always tell women how long the labour will last and how a baby is born depends on a size and position of the baby and the size and shape of the woman's pelvis. So combinations are endless. Please don't beat yourself up.

Your cervix being thick in your 2nd labour indicates to me your baby was either too big for you, or in the ackward position or the combination of both.

In the natural labour progression the force of the contractions makes baby to come down and rotate. Baby's head applying pressure on the cervix makes it to thin out and dilate. Sometimes it happens sometimes not.

Every woman attempting a vaginal birth is a hero, in my books. And you have done it twice. Be proud of yourself.

I hope it helps

I don’t think telling the OP that she and her baby would be dead without surgical delivery is helpful in this situation

Labour ward midwife again. Famous Evelina's children's hospital in central London was built in memory of Evelina Rothschild, a young woman who died giving birth. Baby didn't make it other. All the money of the Rithschild banking family couldn't save her. We sometimes take wonders of modern medicine for granted