Birthing partner

[FriedaChin]

I have a great relationship with my son and daughter in law and her Mum too. Our son has just told me his wife wants her Mum as their birthing partner. He adores his mother in law but doesn't want her there. I am also quite upset by it too. I always just assumed it would just be our son at their first childs birth. After us all having such a wonderful past relationship and what should be a wonderful time to look forward to a big shadow has been cast. I haven't spoken with my dil as regards this new information. I have always been supportive of her choices but this is so devicive. I am in a bit of shock tbh. Any advice? Thank you.

I think you’re overstepping here. To the extent your so has concerns about his MIL being at the birth, that’s a discussion for him to have with his wife. It’s nothing to do with you at all and you’ll just come across as interfering/jealous, even if you have the best of intentions. I do hope your son supports his wife in this though, birth is such a difficult and vulnerable experience and your DIL deserves to have the support she wants.

@itwasnevermine as I said just a few lines do not paint the whole picture. I have also said I will take the advice offered and say no more.
Let's just hope your right.

I find it extraordinary that you think it has anything to do with you

The birthing partner should be whoever your DIL feels she wants there to support her. It's not about your feelings or your son's feelings. She will be the labouring mother, it's about what she needs.

You and your son need to pull your heads out your backend

No one actually knows how much use any birth companion will be, unless the person has done it before.
But the pregnant woman is the one who gets to make the choices.
Your son might be a strong and stable sort but could find himself out of his depth. The mum might be a flapper but she might rise to the occasion.
Anyway they've decided. It's no reflection on their relationship with you, so don't take it as such, you'll just start to create a problem where none existed.
Hope it all goes well for everyone concerned OP, especially mum and baby.

I am also quite upset by it too. I always just assumed it would just be our son at their first childs birth. After us all having such a wonderful past relationship and what should be a wonderful time to look forward to a big shadow has been cast.

I can't believe that it had crossed your mind, in truth. Who "always assumes" scenarios about their son's child's birth ?

I'm glad you have taken on board the advice to keep your nose out.

@FriedaChin you need to get over it. It's her birth. Not yours.

Sometimes we just want our mum - irrelevant if they had a difficult birth themselves or is a "bit of a flapper" - I wouldn't have said my mother would of been many people's first choice as birthing partner but I asked because I knew certain qualities were what I needed at that time and well ...she's my mum

I can really understand your point of view. Your son is worried and upset and you in turn are worried and upset for him.

however it would be a mistake for you to have any kind of opinion on this except to talk to your son about how best to support his wife.

sometimes one partner gets to decide what happens and this is one of those occasions. If he had a very serious medical operation and wanted you- would you hope your DIL would just support him in that?

I think my advice to him would be to keep it in perspective. This is one occasion in the grand scheme of things and in a few years it’s unlikely to matter. I’ll bet if they have another they’ll do something different.

it’ll all work out and his job is just to support his lovely wife.

Is this a joke post?

You have no right to be upset about who this woman chooses to have at HER birth.

It’s HER body and HER decision.

If she wants HER mother there that is HER decision.

Unless you’re the person pushing a baby out of your body you have no right to dictate the choices made.

I am close with my mum but no offence I wouldn’t want her seeing me vulnerable and I don’t think she would either. I had a friend who had insisted my mum needs to be there which quite frankly it’s not their business. Plus now I’m having a c section your only
allowed one birthing partner in anyway. My friend keeps saying it should be my mum. Its
mine and my husbands baby tbh so it would be special for him to be there and of course she gets first dibs on visiting but my own personal opinion I just find it weird your
mjm being there but I get why some people would at the same time