Recovering from C section and third degree tear at same time

[radlovesqotsa]

I suppose some of us just get all the luck! I had my baby 6 days ago. I had a long 4 days of stop start labour following induction and switched from planned vaginal birth to C section as my baby was predicted to be over 4kg. I went into spontaneous labour so was taken for emergency C section only to discover that baby was crowning after they got the spinal in. They told me it was safer to deliver by forceps but my baby was in wrong position and the attempt to turn him was unsuccessful but I got a third degree tear in the process. They then had to switch back to original plan of C section.

Not sure what the point of my post is- I guess to see if anyone else has experienced similar? I'm not sure which injury to worry about most days!

I have similar symptoms to you, although I would definitely have gone through it rather than lose my son.

But I agree there's a huge lack of understanding and empathy among health professionals about the impact of these injuries. Being able to walk without discomfort, have sex with your partner, go to work confident that you're not going to lose control of your bowels or bladder - these are very fundamental things that make you feel less than human when you lose them. I've had some really flippant interactions with all sorts of NHS workers.

"this is what annoys me about you nhs workers you don’t care about the damage you inflict on the mother! The baby is treated like a priority when the mum should be the priority! I’d rather my baby had unfortunately passed away than sustain a third degree and episiotomy! Im now left with a prolapse, fecal incontinence and have pain daily! It’s ruined my life."

This is one of the saddest things I've read in a long time @Mumofonexo. I appreciate that might be your POV and sorry to hear you're suffering long term complications but I expect it's not the case for many other mothers especially those who have been trying for a baby for a long time.

I had a similar birth story to OP but tear not as severe (sending love OP), but my son is the most precious thing in my life and is the one thing that helped me process and move on from my experience. Honestly, I can't understand your perspective at all and, with all due respect, if that's truly how you feel you should probably see a therapist to process your feelings.

I’m only a year pp so it’s still raw and I feel extremely angry that it has happened. Maybe as time goes on I won’t feel like I do.

Thank you for understanding! I completely agree with everything you said. Yes I’ve had some awful interactions with nhs doctors and staff too 😢

i just feel robbed off so much! I now can’t have another child because of the damage this has done mentally and physically.

With all due respect if you didn’t tear as severely and don’t have them same issues I don’t expect you to understand. You simply couldn’t understand how it feels. I also lost a child before this and it took years ttc.

@Mumofonexo hence why I said you should probably see a therapist

there is no point, they can’t undo what has happened and the neglect I have suffered.

@Mumofonexo I'm not trying to be rude or nasty. I just mean it sounds like you've been through a lot for that to be your POV.

Thank you, yes I have been through allot. I was laughed at after being stitched up by nhs staff and lied to about the risks of forceps. Tbh I got treated worse than an animal it was awful. I wouldn’t want anyone to go through what I did.

@Mumofonexo whilst it sounds like you've had an awful experience - I'm not sure it's helping to the OP and saying things like you wished your child had died can be very upsetting for people who have actually lost children

I'm sorry you didnt get the birth you wanted. I get it's really really tough. If it's any slight reassurance incontinence is really rare with 3rds, they typically are associated with 4th degree.

Talk with your team, you could book for an elective section for future births if you wanted more children. Give it time, it's all very raw and not the time to make such decisions. All anaesthetic depts have drs you can talk to (we are oncall 247 and any of my colleagues would be happy to chat), you're also welcome to message me if it would be helpful

Hope you make a good recovery and have lots of help at home to support you

Oh my god @radlovesqotsa I am so angry for you. The NHS bungles a birth at great cost to the mother again.

Having experienced both I can confidently say the tear was worst for recovery. You need to prioritise rest and keeping both wounds very clean (preferably getting some air to them as well - easier said than done for the tear I know!)

Does your hospital offer a gynae referral as standard for third degree tears? My local hospital at the time had a consultant who ran a clinic for birth injuries and I had two ultrasounds to check sphincter healing within the first year. Also saw a women’s health physio. Ask about this.

Amso recommend the NHS Squeezy app to start getting your pelvic floor muscles back on track.

Hey, I know you are trying to help but I do not want anymore children after this experience it has completely traumatised me. Physically I could not carry another child now.
And needing a c section scares me as I have no faith or trust in doctors anymore as if something goes wrong they completely wash their hands of you. I think the hospital I gave birth at just has particularly bad staff unfortunately which is a shame.

OP firstly congratulations on your little one!
I'm sorry you're going through two birth injuries at once! I can only imagine the discomfort and pain your in let alone trying to process the mental side.
Do ask for a debrief, they can be very insightful and really does help you understand what happened when. You may not have been told things like your babys heart rate dropped or increased, or you had excessive bleeding or anything like that but in a debrief you will be told the reasons for each action.

Practically, when I had external tears using Sudacrem was a life saver. The GP said it was fine, and it acted like a barrier afterwards to stop the wee hurting so much. Get some arnica cream for both the section and the tear.
And honestly just rest! Stay home with baby, don't do anything above the absolute necessity (I mean don't cook a roast stood up for hours etc) and use a donut ring if needed to help with sitting. I spent 3 weeks trying to walk and visit people and made it worse.
Use aloe Vera and lavender oil drops in a bath, peeing in the bath didn't help me but it does help most people, and use lactalose to help with softening stools.
An combination of an ice pack and heat packs on your injuries will help healing too. Keep on top of the painkillers and do tell your midwife exactly how your feeling.

I wish you all the best!

I don't know if it's possible for @Mumofonexo but I've been referred for EMDR which is a treatment for PTSD and having read about it I'm hopeful.

Another thing I'm not sure medical professionals realise is that you can experience a bad birth like an act of violence, like an assault, which I'm sure would horrify doctors etc who see themselves as giving care. If you have PTSD symptoms it can really damage how you view yourself. I've struggled with depersonalisation, or feelings like I don't exist, or that my body is just organs, not a person. Also if you experience ongoing symptoms like pain or incontinence you are literally constantly reminded of what happened, with every movement etc. It's very difficult to just move on.

Hi lovely yes I was but I didn’t find it helpful but some people do.

I struggled with everything you just mentioned and kept thinking I was just living in a dream world and that I didn’t exist. Sorry you experienced it too as it’s awful!

the doctor that performed the forceps delivery unfortunately was so robotic and didn’t care. Tbh I think they are in the wrong job.

I unfortunately now have trust issues with medical staff because of what has happened.
I trusted them to look after me but instead I feel like I got used as a test subject to trial forceps 😢 when I asked for the risks they should have been honest and not lied to me saying it was risk free.

@radlovesqotsa

I just came across this topic and was shocked to read what happened to you. It's been 7 months since you opened the topic. Just curious as to how are you doing now? How is your recovery going? Did you have a debrief? I really hope you are in a better place now.

Thanks for checking in!! I'm doing great now. Those first couple months were the roughest of my life but I feel pretty much back to pre-pregnancy normal now. My pelvic floor could be better but a Kegel8 is helping with that so I'm feeling hopeful :) I was automatically referred to see a physio at 12 weeks post partum who checked that everything had healed. I find it amazing that so much damage was done and it now all healed... the power of the female body I suppose!

Bit late to the party but I just wanted to say I get you. My baby (very macrosomic) passed in utero and I had to deliver vaginally. I sustained a bad 3rd degree tear. I'm the ridiculously unfortunate soul to go through both babyloss and and sphincter injury at the same time.

Everything you wrote is very relatable to me. Feeling like others do not understand the physical and mental ramifications of these terrible injuries, the daily impact of incontinence issues and perineal discomfort, worries over future quality of life, the trust issues with medical staff, fear of having another baby.

I would have rather had an OASI and a healthy, live baby than a dead baby and no OASI. However, the consequences of my injury weigh very heavy on me. I can honestly say that my terrible birth experience and the physical injury I sustained from it were more traumatic to me than losing my child - as crazy as that may sound to some.

It took so, so much for me to even consider having a second child. It was an incredibly hard mental journey with a lot of soul searching. What got me off the fence is that, with all the damage my body and mind had already sustained I didn't want to be empty handed. I've already sacrificed so much. My symptoms would be a permanent reminder of what I went through without having any living children to "make up" for it. Probably not very rational, but I really didn't feel like I could cope with life otherwise. But truly, if I could go back in time and had a crystal ball I would have probably not had children at all.

I'm pregnant again now and it's all pretty horrifying. Basically scared and stressed all the time. I hate it.

I am very happy to read that! You deserve the world! 💟

@VividDaydream

oh my gosh, I’m so sorry to read this. Life is so unfair 😢 what you said doesn’t sound crazy at all!

Honestly I think you are amazing and super strong to think like that. I do completely get what you are saying.

Have you thought about going to a different hospital? I’m not sure if you’re from the uk but could the perinatal team offer you support?

sending hugs 🩷

@VividDaydream wishing you a healthy pregnancy 💐

This happened to someone I know it was negligence. Took hospital to court for compensation. They couldn't have anymore children because of it.

Did they have a cesarean section and a tear as well? I personally only know one other case.

Thank you. I'm at a different hospital and seeing a different doctor now. I speak to my therapist (specialized in birth trauma) every two weeks. Helps a tiny bit.

So sad for you all who have suffered 😔