It affects one in 500 women following childbirth and Im one of them. Its a very scary long tale and Im quite nervous about telling it as I still feel embarrassed . Silly, I know but you just don't want anything to mar the birth of a new baby. Anyway (deep breath)here goes -
My DS was born ten months ago, it had flooded the area quite heavily and in the ambulance it was almost surfing to the hospital - which didn't have a very good rep (its been in the press subsequently for bad maternity services). Me and my Dh were gutted as we wanted a home birth but couldn't give an accurate hx of when the waters had broken so the midwife persuaded us to go to the hosp. I had hung on for as long as possible at home without pain relief and had managed to get to 7cm dilation. I had trained as a nurse years before so I was hoping nothing would go wrong. When we got there I was told I was to be induced at 4pm if nothing had happened. A bit more gutting to be told that! Still hadn't had any pain relief and was barely making a murmur as I was doing controlled breathing which really helped. DH was breathing with me and the midwife was refusing medication on my behalf (at that point Id gladly have had everything but hohum) At 3.58pm I had started pushing irregardless of the midwifes wishes and my son was born bang on 4pm with no tears and only one stitch. He had jaundice and was B+ so I had to stay in overnight. We didn't have long to bond before we were sent straight to the labour ward without a murmur of what was happening. I was in shock and on a natural high as well. DH left at 8pm and I was on my own. The day after DS was under a billy blanket and we still didn't know what was happening. DS was getting distressed and I had finished my natural high and was hitting a low point. I was convinced something more serious was wrong with me (I had reverted back to a perfect size 10 which I wasn't expecting as that was smaller than before DS was born)I thought that afterbirth was still inside and the shock was getting deeper. . Anyway, it culminated in me ringing DH at 2am to come and get me and yelling at the nursing staff. Who, to be honest were as dumb as you could get. I was breastfeeding but DS seemed to be fitting after each feed and no one would listen to me, coupled with this I hadn't slept in 5 days and was beginning to get delirious through lack of sleep. I just needed a nap and to get my head straight. Anyway, Darling DH arrived on his motorbike and stayed with me until DS could come home. It did involve a lot of begging with the nursing staff to let that happen. We left and I rang my mum to come and give us a hand with DS - which she gladly did. This is where I start to get confused with the whole thing. I ended up in hospital again two days later as I still thought there was afterbirth left inside. I had passed a huge clot and was shaking all over, I had begun to avoid food (which isn't like me at all) and was trying to sleep all the time and feed DS. Mum was concerned. Dh was concerned. In to hospital I went. And there was debris left in but everyone assumed I could pass it naturally. I wasn't so sure and thought I was dying. I had also begun to think that god was punishing me and dh was in league with the devil. Not natural happy birth thoughts. They sent me home with a sedative. A day later and I was outside trying to 'exorcise' Dh he had to forcibly carry me back inside and call for the gp who immediately diagnosed me as schizophrenic and sent me to a psychiatric hospital for assessment. I had begun to think I was possessed as well. While I was in I was diagnosed as having puerperal psychosis. The nursing staff were useless and after three days I wasn't seen by medical staff again until my first CPA a week later. DH and mum came everyday and tried to talk me through it. I could barely function. I was a mess. DS and I still managed to bond though as he could come to the hospital too. It was a relief not to breastfeed. I was sedated for two days in the hospital and at one point thought the radiator was giving me messages!! I was allowed home visits from the second week. In total I was in hospital for 4 weeks until my section was lifted. When I came home I was like a child, let alone looking after DS. Mum stayed and moved in for two months and I had to start to learn to function again. I was high doses of medication to keep my thoughts and sleeping in check. I had a mental health nurse come and see me every week.
Things got better though. Slowly, I became myself again. I continued my open university law degree in February - getting good marks for my assignments. My MIL came to stay in August to keep me going. Things with my DH improved as well. I no longer thought he was against me and we became closer than ever. At every CPA my medication was reduced. The psychiatrist was impressed but wary - it usually takes 2 years before you fully recover. The mental health nurse was fantastic - she had another two puerperal psychosis cases on her books which is highly unusual considering the statistics for it occurring.
This month has been the best. I have landed my dream job as area manager for a large group of care homes and my medication has finished. I truly feel myself again. I have put on four stone due to the medication but at least Im alive and eating. Ive started going to the gym to get back to being a size 12 (but not a 10). DS is happy and thriving and developing normally. Dh is relieved to have me back and functioning normally (I can clean the house again without freaking out lol). And I've begun to feel proud that I went through childbirth without any intervention.
I posted because I just wanted people to know about it. Its rarely talked about and there is still such stigma attached to mental illness. I haven't told my employers but it isn't really anything which concerns them. It is brought on by childbirth and subsequent births so we're sticking at one child to lessen the risks of re-occurrence.
I hope this helps if others reading this have been affected and reassures them that you can get back to being yourself.