Has anyones DH/P refused or made a huge fuss about attending the birth?

[pedilia]

I remember watching a programme about Gordon Ramsey and his wife saying that it was better he was not there as he would be a total nightmare.
Not sure he actually wanted to be there as he stayed in his restaraunt for ages after he had the call

dh wanted to come and was there, but he kind of refused to believe I was in labour and kept telling me to let him sleep. When I insisted he go get a mw, the head was emerging. I don't think I've ever really forgiven him that, and think i'd have someone more useful next time.

one interesting or not piece of research

It is now common for husbands to be present at the birth of their children. There is a general impression that this presence is of help to the woman giving birth. However, the results of research into the relationship between his presence and the parturant's experience of labour pain have been inconclusive. The results of this study carried out on 98 British subjects giving birth in hospital, show that the presence of the husband, or chosen birth companion, was not significantly associated with any difference in the perceived intensity of the subjects' labour pain. 78 subjects were accompanied in labour, 60 of whom reported that they found their husband's presence at the birth helpful. These subjects had significantly lower levels of pain when compared with all other subjects, ie subjects whose husbands were present at the birth, but who were not reported as being of help, and subjects whose husbands were absent.
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Mine fell asleep for 2 of my 3. It really annoyed me. He was pretty useless but I still wanted him there.

Frank from Shameless doesn't want to go does he? Monica has promised him two stiches 'down there' if he goes.

my dh was there as was my mum! (not through choice I might add), dh was very supportive, giving me water, holding the gass and air when I needed it and reassuring me that I was doing a good job! He stayed at the head end though which was fine by me as i had a pretty horrid delivery with ventouse and epesiotomy which I wouldn't want him to witness.

My mum was at that end though and witnessed all the gory details, and think she was quite traumatised by it actually as she has never spoken about it.

Isn't there some evidence that suggests thtt husbands who witness the actual birth go off their partners sexually?

I could not have done it without my dh. First time round I had my sister as well just in case he could not cope as I didn't think he would be ok with blood. I thought that I would not need him, thank goodness he didn't try and leave as I would have found it hard without him, but not have wanted him to stay if he had been finding it hard. I had my sister again second time round but would not have been as worried if she was not there as I knew that dh would be fine. Turns out he is ok with my blood but can't cope with the sight of his own

WannaBe - thats what Im worried about; dp going off me 'down there' when hes seen what goes on, although he has had two children with his ex, and iv had a baby before, but not with him. Im determined to make him stay at the top end of the bed this time round (due in 4 weeks), but hes insisting he'll be where the action is.

FWIW, I've been a brithing partner twice, I've watched all the goryness 'down there' couldn't for one second remember what my friends fanjo looked like at the time though, it is like a whole different reality, you only see the head and the baby, that's it so try not to worry too much.

I didn't really want my husband there as he goes woozy at the sight of blood and I could imagine it could all really gross him out. I have read stories that it can put men off but you can't generalise that it puts them all off.
Actually he was brilliant, but stayed firmly up the head end and I was very glad of him there although I did have my mum there too. Fortunately I learned that it is only his own blood that makes him feel faint!
This time with #2 mum is heading round to care for my daughter and he is going it alone as the birth partner. I feel much more confident knowing he has survived it once!

mister was really worried he wouldntknow what to do and would be in the way. i am part of the 'youhelped him in, you'll help me get him out' school of thought. i know not everyone wants their partner around but i did, and i think i got the winning vote really.

he was fantabulous apart from the 16 hours he wasnt there when they sent him home i couldnt have done it without him, i certainly wasnt worried about what he might think (and he was very much business end, mw sodded off for 20 mins while i was pushing)but he was in awe of me afterwards and has never gone off me sexually.

(and i drove myself 40 miles in labour to hosp as mister cant drive which really pee'd me off lol)

i really wanted dh to be there but said if he was going to be usless id bring my mum in but he went mad that i would even consider him not being there i told him to stay at my head the whole time but he ran down to watch ds coming out and loved it he was really great,though you cant to this day say the word placenta without him going grey!

When DH and I first discussed kids i said his place was outside pacing the corrider, now i am actually pregnant I think i would quite like him there ,as he is a doc he has actually been present when other babies have been born so I am not worried about his coping skills or being "put off" but he is under strict instructions his job in this instance is to stay head end and tell me how wonderful I am. I have threatened to get him thrown out if he ventures down the business end!

As for whether your OH should be there or not I think it should be a joint decision and should take into consideration the wishes of the father I know some people when they are in pain and just need to concentrate on getting thru it don't like being fussed over or talked to (in fact I am one of these) and in this situation I can see why they don't want their OH there. As for the men some people just don't cope well in these situations and would do more good pacing the corridor then being another thing for the mother to worry about!

I don't think in childbirth there is any right or wrong answer just what works for each couple we are just lucky enough it's the 21st century and both us and our partners get the choice of whether they are there or not.