Women Unprepared for Childbirth

[AtheneNoctua]

Interesting article on our perceptions of childbirth and how they affect how we feel about the experience when our (false) expectations are not met.

Women Unprepared for Childbirth

"But those involved in providing ante-natal sessions, while listening to these, need to make sure that women are aware of how things may go and help them construct realistic expectations," says Joanne Lally, who led the research.

I completely agree with this. My antenatal class, while it did cover pain relief, did not really communicate a true picture on what kind of pain to expect. Never mind intervention like forceps or worse yet a caesarean. Why not? Don't women have a right to go into labour fully informed of all the likely outcomes.

I wonder if not talking about caesareans and promoting natural childbirth contributes to a woman's sense of failure when she ends up in an unplanned caesarean or otherwise medicalised delivery. And furthermore does this contribute to the onset of PND?

My NCT class was qute good, we went through everything including what happens during a section.

I had my dd by emergency cs. I have all kinds of feelings about my birth experience that I keep pretty much bottled up but a thread like this one 'loosens' things up as it were. I feel quite sad thinking about it all. I have tried talking about these feelings to my dh but he thinks, our baby is healthy who cares how she was born, which is mostly how I feel but sometimes (like now!) I think about it + feel overcome with sadness and feelings of failure. None of the other women on my NCT course had a CS or even pain relief so I really feel like I messed it up/could have tried harder.

I am writing this with tears in my eyes (!) it is amazing the depth of feeling a person can suppress.

I hope to have another baby and so have a few questions - are you allowed to try for a vaginal birth after a section? Would having a doula make any difference?

I feel like I failed the first time, is there any point in trying the next time? I have read that having a CS means that you will almost always have other CS.

I am sorry to hijack the thread.

gotcha, athene ( am only a trainee as not done my paperwork to get recognised status )

i think that you make a very valid point about lack of information.. or not enough,or at the right time

there is always a fine line to be trodden between scaring women, being realistic and being positive.

childbirth is not one size fits all... and no matter how much you read and learn, you might be the one who does not fit any of the expectations.

starlight. am glad you are moving on, am glad that you bonded with your LO and glad that you are processing all this before you have your second baby

chibi

i have been where you have been and i truly empathise.

i had an emergency c.s first, a lot of depression and upset, and feeling like as long as the baby was ok, i was not allowed to be uspet about how he got there.

but i was upset.

you are allowed to feel upset and to be tearful and to feel sad

i am sure you could not have 'tried harder' there was no failure on your part at all. but you are not alone in feeling htat after a c.s.

i had a normal vaginal deliveyr of DD , with no intervention.

so in answer, yes you can go for a vaginal birht and yes, a doula can really help

This is a difficult one- I'm one of those people who had am em c-section under GA then felt a terrible failure for not giving birth naturally. In fact, I still don't feel I 'gave birth' to dd1 at all, rather that she was born. But the fault probably lies with me - I'd been to NCT classes, I'd read loads of books, but I didn't believe that any of it would happen to me. I fed myself the unrealistic expectations. Was much more realistic with dd2, had epi and forceps and was bloody ecstatic with that!
For me personally, the location of my family is an issue. DP is not the best person to have with me (he gets bored, tbh). I would love to have one of my sisters with me but they both live abroad so it's not possible. And, lovely as all the doulas on here sound, a doula is a stranger. So what I need is a good ol' extended family of mum, sisters, aunts etc around who've done it before - any one feel like applying before July ?

PS Chibi I've had one VBAC, and am preparing for my second with vigorous encouragement from both the hospital and community midwives.

you would get to know your doula before hte birth, poledra... and spend lots of time with her ...

but sometimes, only a mum or a sister will do !

I think that's it Lulu - I want my big sister!!

I just feel sad and afraid when i read all the stats -

"that if you have a C section, that is more dangerous for you and the baby, in terms of death rates.
that it if you have a caesarean, this could have an impact on your ability to breastfeed.
that having section reduces your ability to conceive and increases the rate of stillbirth
that if you have a section, this makes it likely that you will have another section next time" quote from Harpsichordcarrier earlier in the thread

I feel like not only did I mess it up, I have put myself and any babies I may have at further risk - is it worth even trying for another child?

I probably never should have opened this thread - I am remembering everything from my labour, the surgery, people's comments afterwards about the birth (too push to posh, that I took the easy way out - after 24 hours in labour!!! that I didn't give birth, the surgeon did all the work)

I know I am projecting all my sadness onto this thread + that's not what it was started for! I will stop posting now, but perhaps someone can tell me is there anyone I can talk to about all these feelings, I feel like I need to get them off my chest. After so many months of not thinking about it it is surprising to me to feel the power of these emotions, so very potent.

chibi, i am a doula, a VBACcer and i volunteer for the birth trauma association, if you would like to talk off board, CAT me.

let me assure you that what you are feeling is NORMAL and VALID , but it is painful.

I don't have access to the CAT thingy but thank you anyway

Chibi, I went back to the hospital twice where a lovely midwife (who was not involved in my care in any way, so was an impartial observer) went through everything that happened to me, showed me my notes, listened to me cry and tried to help me understand why things had gone the way they did. Also, before that, one of my sisters sent me some articles she had found about distress after traumatic birth, and asked me if I was alright. I've said it before on here, but it was as if she gave me permission to say no I am not alright, and yes, I was grateful that the baby and I were fine (DH and mum's POV) but I was upset angry etc about what had gone on. Can you see if your hospital runs a similar project with the birth review - get someone to go over it all with you and explain what happened and the chances of it happening again?

you can email me

mail @ motheringinstincts. com

no gaps

if you like

yep, if you contact the supervisor of midwives at the hospital, they should be able to advise you too.

And look, Lulumama and I are both VBACcers, so it can be done!

have emsaled you lulumama

not worried about the bf - am still bf dd 9 1/2 moths old!

chibi I am really very very sorry if my post upset you. statistics are not very helpful for dealing with our own personal experiences.
fwiw I have had one CS and one VBAC. but I did spend a great deal of time reflecting on and talking through my previous birth experiences. I really think this was a worthwhile thing to do, although incredibly painful at the time.
again, apologies

hey harpsi did not know you were a VBACcer too

chibi, no email as yet...

will keep checking

, a CS does have a higher M&M trhan a vb, but the actual risk is tiny.

Having a CS has no impact on BF or milk coming in, since they give you an oxytocin infusion to contract your uterus.

There are a lot of myths about c-sections. Some of things typed below are not exactly proven unbiased facts. But I left them alone because I didn't want this to turn into a section vs. vaginal debate. And Starlight has now picked up on most of them.

I think part of reason so many people feel so bad about having had sections is rooted in this lack of information in antenatal care. We are encouraged to have a natural birth and the caesarean is just pushed aside. And then you feel you have failed. When, actually, a caesarean is not that bad. I personally think it's a lot less risky than a vaginal birth on today's NHS. Let's face it, a well managed birth is not exactly guaranteed in today staff shortages.

But, my point on this thread is not to convince anyone to go have a section. It is just to say that women don't get all the relevant information required to make informed decisions.

My first birth was a true true crash section. WE are talking 3 am some 30 hours after induction began, foetal distress, cords ripped from the monitor, form shoved under my nose for consent, from nowhere appeared about 8 medical professionals stand around me ready to perform suregery in what seems a matter of seconds. And the only drug I hadn't had at that point was pethidine. In retrospect, I think when I went in for my consultant appointment at 2 weeks overdue, they should have done a quick scan and said whoah you got baby tarzan here. You will need section, and then we could have moved along with a nice planned calm one and skip most of the drugs. After I woke up in recovery I had a shot of morphine to calm the shakes that were a result of coming down from all the other drugs I had had pumped into me. And you just know THAT was good for breast feeding.

If I had known then what I know now I could have at least been awake for the birth of my first child. I'm not traumatised by it, but it just wasn't necessary. And poor DD was virtually strangled by the cord from the forced contractions.

FWIW, I chose an elective CS both times so that I could avoid trauma and focus on BF. To tar all elective CSers as too posh to push, we-must-have-nannies and euuurgh-we're-not-BFing is frnakly insulting.

AN, everything in my post is based on research findings.
to suggest that a C section is less risky than a vaginal birth is just completely untrue, sorry.
it may be medically necessary in some (many) cases, but that does not account for one in for births. 28% at my local hospital.