Home births and persuading DH/DPs

[micegg]

I am seriously considering a HB with DC2 due in 4 weeks. I am yet to speak to the midwives (will try tomorrow) but need to get DH on side. He is worried about DD (aged 2.5), safety and the fact that last time I had an epidural. I really, really dont want to go into hospital (partly because we have moved and I am not impressed with the new hospital at all). I have been on the HB website but he doesnt want to know. Any of you had this? Did you go ahead with plans anyway?

Show him this - the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologist's statement on homebirth:

"The Royal College of Midwives (RCM) and the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists (RCOG) support home birth for women with uncomplicated pregnancies. There is no reason why home birth should not be offered to women at low risk of complications and it may confer considerable benefits for them and their families. There is ample evidence showing that labouring at home increases a woman?s likelihood of a birth that is both satisfying and safe, with implications for her health and that of her baby.1?3
Review of the evidence: benefits and harms
2.1 The review of the diverse evidence available on home birth practice and service provision demonstrates that home birth is a safe option for many women.2,16,17 However, this is not to define safety in its narrow interpretation as physical safety only but also to acknowledge and encompass issues surrounding emotional and psychological wellbeing. Birth for a woman is a rite of passage and a family life event, as well as being the start of a lifelong relationship with her baby. Home births will not be the choice for every woman.7

2.2 Randomised controlled trials to assess the safety of home births are not currently feasible. The observational data available show lower intervention rates and higher maternal satisfaction with planned home birth compared with hospital birth. Overall, the literature shows that women have less pain at home and use less pharmacological pain relief, have lower levels of intervention, more autonomy and increased satisfaction.1,12,18?20 The studied interventions included induction, augmentation, perineal trauma and episiotomy, instrumental delivery and caesarean section. These are not insignificant interventions and may have considerable impact on a woman?s long-term health and emergent relationship with her baby, as well as her satisfaction with her birth experience.

2.3 Furthermore, the studies into women?s descriptions of home birth experiences have produced qualitative data on increased sense of control, empowerment and self esteem, and an overwhelming preference for home birth.3,21?27

In other words - it's not just midwives and the NCT who are pro-homebirth, the RCOG itself recognises it as having considerable benefits and describes it as 'safe' for low risk mums.

Hope this helps!

hi
Thanks for posting that article Gaby- really helfpul, I will show it to DH

Jennifersofia about the dirty carpet with a child Midwife mentioned to me that they clean up which I was very impresesed with- and no expected all.

Snaf- thanks for the info about rescus- good to know what actually happens. As the MW said to me if they have any doubts about whether HB will be ok, they'd have me in hospital straight away.

I will get more information for DH for sure . The more I talk about it and read about it the more I know I really want to give birth at home, in water.

I have just read this thread and thought I would add even though your DH is coming round to it.

My DH was not utterly convinced about an HB. But in the end agreed becuase I was really wanting it. My MW's were very strong on DH being positive about it.

DH now feels that it was the best thing to do. Many people seem to go into labour at night and they don't need to disturb their elder one. THis was the case in our experience and was brilliant. Maybe show this thread to your DH too, he can see how other men were not so sure and were pleaseantly surprised

We've had two homebirths now and H was on board as soon as we saw the state of the hospital! In all seriousness though, do try and get him to look at the research if he's that way inclined. As to things that might happen during and after the birth I can happily share our experiences.

Both our births could be considered 'complicated' even though both my pregnancies were normal and very low risk. DS1 was wrapped twice in his cord and I had to stop pushing halfway though for a few minutes whilst he descended more, and eventually he had to be cut free. He was flat and blue, no breathing and very thready pulse. The midwives were stunning and I can honestly say that I didn't feel at all panicked at the time. He had to be suctioned, massaged and bagged (not intubated though) and perked up v quickly.

DS2 was 8lb 4 (so not huge by any standard) but ended up with a shoulder dystocia. This often gives midwives nightmares, but again they were so calm and collected that there was no panic and it resolved with a basic McRoberts manouvre. As he came out she noticed that his cord had snapped and whilst he didn't exactly shoot across the carpet he definitely bounced once!

We did not tranfer or go into hospital post birth with either of them.

My point is that community and homebirth midwives run through their emergency drills on a very regular basis and are extremely experienced in knowing when to advise a tranfer. They will not want to risk either you or the baby unecessarily - they want a fine and well mum and baby too.

I'm sure that if you asked them to run through these sorts of training issues with you they'd be happy to.

Why would you need to persuade him? It's none of his damn business

Part of the point of a homebirth for many women is that they feel totally at ease and secure. This is much harder to achieve with a reluctant partner. Whilst it may not be his decision, it certainly is his business as it is his child as well. If he is to fulfill a role of birth partner and supporter then surely it's common sense to try and ease any obvious worries?

Hmm, I agree up to a point, in that I think there should be a discursive process and if the bloke has particular concerns they should be taken seriously and attempts made to address them.

But when push come to shove (which it does ) childbirth isn't something you go through together, it's something the woman has to do and her preferences should be paramount. The idea of a woman wanting a homebirth but ending up with a hospital birth because her dh wouldn't support it - that's unacceptable IMO.

INteresting points here and thanks for your story Sparkle..

I wouldnt do it if DH was unhappy with it (beyond a dirty carpet!)- since if he was pacing and suggesting hosp at every turn I may as well start there. he does recognise its me that doing it so it my choice but he also knows I wouldnt push him into it.