Feeling guilt for giving birth at 37 weeks after a sweep

[AOMum]

I have a beautiful 7 week old baby at home and despite this, I am feeling some guilt and worry after her labour.

She is my rainbow baby (I dislike this term but don't have a better term) as I lost my son last year at 33 weeks. As a result, my pregnancy with her was incredibly difficult as I had a lot of anxiety and I was so worried I would not get to take her home. I would go into triage often for heartbeat checks as I was so worried her movement had reduced, even though I feel this was mostly anxiety induced rather than actual reduced movement and I would openly say this to the midwives.

At 37 weeks on the dot, I had another anxious episode, went into triage and as they checked her heartbeat (which was fine!) they noticed I was having some tightenings which I was not feeling. The midwives and a doctor then suggested I have a sweep. I'm not sure why this was suggested to be honest - I think it was that I was having tightenings, I had been on such a journey and my fear of reduced movements. The midwife said "I think you need your baby now, it's been one hell of a journey for you"

I asked if having a sweep at 37 weeks was harmful to the baby. I was reassured that baby was fully developed and from the looks of it, something was happening anyway. I said yes and during the sweep I was told I was 3cm dilated. I had some period cramping until about 5pm in the evening and then everything stopped. I then woke up at 3am with a mild pain, was in hospital at 4.10am where I was 4cm and gave birth at 5.56am. I had an hour and a half labour and pushed for 4 minutes (so quick!). She was born a healthy weight but did have jaundice which she needed to be under the lamp for.

Since then however, I have a lot of guilt. I've read that at a baby born at 37 weeks is at more risk of developmental delays, health issues ect. I'm annoyed that I allowed my anxiety to lead my brain. Lots of questions are now unanswered for me. Did the sweep work? Would I have made it to 40 weeks with tightenings and 3cm dilated or was she on the way anyway? If she was meant be born at 37 weeks I can accept that as it was naturally her journey but I feel guilt if the sweep brought her birth forwards by weeks.

Hoping for some reassuring words of wisdom (please only comments made out of kindness - us mums kick ourselves enough already)

If you were 3cm then your body was getting ready to have this baby- sounds to me that labour was imminent especially as you were having tightenings. Don't beat yourself up- you carried her to 37 weeks and it's highly unlikely for sweeps to work unless your body is ready. Congratulations on your daughter and be kind to yourself ❤️

I've had several sweeps I think they only work if you are on your way anyway - so I think they bring birth forward a maximum of 2 or so days. I've had them at 38& 39 weeks and nothing. Had sweeps at 40+ weeks and 41 weeks and was in labour within 12 hours but I was obviously due to go into labour soon anyway. Also generally 1-2 cm you could be waiting a while - 3cm and it sounds like you were due.

Your baby wouldn’t have come out if she wasn’t ready to meet you and strong enough to thrive.

You’ve done absolutely brilliantly and are understandably finding things difficult after what you’ve been through.

this is so so normal.

I would highly recommend talking to your health visitor or GO about the feelings you are having after losing your baby and then having this baby. They can refer you for some help to help you process your journey.

they won’t think you are a terrible mother and they won’t take your baby away.

I didn’t address my issues after a very difficult pregnancy and birth and ended up having a breakdown over 10 years later. I didn’t enjoy my daughter when she was little because of the trauma but I could have done if I’d had some treatment.

you’re doing great - congratulations 🥳

*GP not GO !

Op congratulations on your baby!

After a horrendous 9 years (including late loss and ruptured ectopic) i engaged a very experienced obstetrician privately (head of obstetrics at a major teaching hospital in London) as I was so anxious. Due to my history I needed to have a c-section, but regardless he made clear he would be delivering the baby at 37 weeks.

As things turned out I needed up delivering at 24 weeks and now have a vey cheeky toddler!

Try not to worry and stop googling and DON'T feel guilty. Enjoy this time, it goes so quickly. Congratulations again

Sounds to me like she was ready.

My little one was born at 41 weeks and had really bad jaundice.

You're doing great x

To echo all the other posters, the sweep just helped along was had already started. You were already showing signs of starting labour - the ‘tightenings’ they noticed.

You’ve been very anxious throughout your pregnancy. That’s totally understandable given your loss. You were frightened that something would go wrong and you were on high alert for months. That has an impact on your mind and body. It’s not something that’s easy to switch off. Even though you now have your DD with you and she’s healthy and strong, it might take some time for it to settle in that the danger has passed.

37 weeks is full term, also think of all the women who are told to get induced sometimes for no apparent reason, and the process of induction is a lengthy one... gels, breaking waters and drip etc... a lot of the time the baby clearly isn't ready and simply doesn't want to come out yet but they push for an induction early anyway anytime they suspect more time could be riskier for baby, to me it sounds your baby was preparing to come out, I had a sweep it didn't nothing for me. Congratulations and Enjoy your baby

Have you thought about a birth debrief? You could have these conversations and feel reassured from a trained midwife about this

I just wanted to try and reassure you. My daughter was born premature at 29 weeks but was the size of a 24 week baby, 1lb 10oz! We spent 12 weeks in NICU but she was amazing and came home without oxygen or any additional needs. She turned 1 last week and has smashed every milestone and is actually ahead of where Dr's expected her to be. She had also pretty much caught up size wise and is on the petite side of normal for her age.

I was told that being born at 37 weeks is classed as full term so if say you have nothing to worry about but even if your baby was premature they will be absolutely fine. Dr's wouldn't have sent you home afterwards if they had any concerns. Try to relax and enjoy your baby :) x

Please don't store up trouble for yourself that likely isn't there. My little girl was born at 34 weeks due to spontaneous labour. She was my survivor after 3 miscarriages. She is now 5.5 years old and taught herself to read a year ago. She now has a reading age of about 7. She is riding her bike without stabilisers, doing well at maths and has learned loads of science (both parents scientists, that was unavoidable). She is physically healthy and a happy, sociable little person. She is in no way delayed by her prematurity. Even if she was I would be happy just to have her and I would be just happy to see her enjoying her life even if her potential was lower than other people's.

As others say, if you were 3cm dilated, labour was very much on its way. 37 weeks is full term and lots of babies have jaundice, which is why every maternity hospital has lamps.

Many, many women who have lost a baby want the next one out before 40 weeks. I certainly did. The consultant offered to induce me at 37 weeks, so no your baby wasn't early and it's not against medical advice to encourage a birth at that point of a pregnancy.

You poor thing, you have been through hell over the last year or two. Of course this has left you with residual worries and anxiety. 37 weeks is term and it sounds like you were in early Labour anyway so this is more about your trauma than anything “real” that you need to worry about. You haven’t done anything wrong, your beautiful child is safe and with you. Your mind and your body are still in flight or fight mode, though, and it’s incredibly difficult.

Please contact your maternity service and ask them what the local arrangements are for maternity trauma and loss support, many places have specific services that are designed to support people after extremely traumatic events like this. Sands might be helpful too. Maybe also talk to your GP.

Congratulations on your baby. And let go of that guilt. All of my babies were born at 37 weeks or earlier. All are doing very well as children. Enjoy your little baby!

And yes to the person about who said to book a birth debrief - sometimes it’s called birth reflections or birth afterthoughts. Again, call maternity services and find out how you can access it.

Congratulations OP!

Honestly try not to worry 37 weeks is seen as full term. I have a couple of family members who gave birth at 36/37 weeks no issues.
Also from experience it sounds like you were going to give birth soon anyway. I went in with my first at 38 weeks due to reduced movement and they also told me I was having contractions (couldn't feel them). Three days later I went in to labour naturally.

Please don't worry. I had a similar situation, except I had pre eclampsia. I initially went into labour at 34 weeks and got myself to 3cm when everything stopped. All it took at 37 weeks was my waters being broken then 4hrs and 50 mins later there he was! Even as a Midwife, I felt so unwell I was quite happy if I had a baby at 34 weeks (selfish I know!) however 37 weeks felt comfortable for me. He also had a bit of jaundice but was cleared for home after 24hrs. He's hitting all his milestones right on cue. Please don't fret, sounds like baby was already on the way!

The sweep wouldn’t have done anything if she hadn’t been ready. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

And maybe speak to your MW and be on the lookout for signs of PND- you’ve been through a rough time so it’s always worth just having someone to check in and see how your mental health is as well as your physical health.

Us mums feel guilty no matter what.

C sections, breastfeeding or not, extra curricular piano lessons etc etc, it never ends!

But after almost ten years of parenting I can guarantee that this is not something to be worried over at all. You were 3 cms dilated already, a sweep wouldn't have made any difference.

Enjoy your baby 🌅

Enjoy your newborn without the guilt. It sounds as though you were going into labour anyway. I can’t imagine how nerve wracking the pregnancy would have been for you after what you’d been through and I think baby arriving a few weeks early and being safely in your arms was for the best.

Sorry for your previous loss and congratulations on your newborn mama 💐

Thank you everyone who has responded. I feel very reassured and listened to! I am lucky to be receiving therapy twice a week and in contact with the peri-natel mental health team. I never even thought of asking for a birth reflection so I am definatly going to look into this!

It's a continuing battle each day - some days I am in newborn bliss and some days can be more difficult. It's an interesting mix of emotions, loving my daughter so much but also mourning that my son isn't with us too. My heart hurts that they will never meet each other. I think part of loss and grief, is grieving the loss of who I was before. The mum that I am now is different than the mum that I would have been had I never lost a child. BUT I am a mum who has a huge appreciation for how lucky I am to have my daughter, who has learnt a lot of life lessons over the last year that maybe I was oblivious to before. This mum stuff is tricky isn't it!?

There is evidence that a baby’s cells remain in their mum’s body long after they have been born, miscarried or passed away.

Your son’s cells are still with you and are part of your body forever. They never leave you.

This must mean (and I’m not a Dr) that some of his cells must also be a part of your daughter.

So the bond between the three of you is unbreakable and you are literally in each others blood.

This is such a wonderful and beautiful blessing to come from tragedy and I hope it brings you comfort.

you can read more about it here: https://www.emmasdiary.co.uk/news/myleene-klass-shares-phenomenon-that-brought-her-comfort-after-miscarriage#:~:text=Foetal%20cells%20that%20have%20left,parent's%20body%20can%20still%20remain.

I think if you were 3cm already then baby was making it clear they were on their way! You did nothing wrong. A good friend of mine had her baby at 37 weeks and she’s now a super healthy 8 year old, no issues!

Also RE jaundice, my DC1 arrived at 42 weeks on the dot and got jaundice two days later and needed the lamp for 2 days in hospital so I don’t think coming early puts you at more risk of jaundice.

❤️