Are birth stories REALLY that interesting to other people?

[poodlepusher]

I am just wondering as I was obsessed with my first, and would tell it at the drop of a hat, again and again - but couldn't be arsed to go into the details of my 2nd, just too knackered and wanting to get on with things.

Do you find our own birthing stories fascinating and everyone elses' a drag, or are you interested in the minutae of someone elses' blow by blow account?

sorry to gatecrash - hello fruitful! How are you doing? Hope to see you on post natal thread soon

Message withdrawn

I was obsessed with the pregnancy channel on cable when preg with DD. DH would frequently find me hiding behind a cushion whilst half watching the horror unfold . Had a good birth with DD and have never really gone into the details. If someone asks I might tell depending on what they want to know. I am due in 6 weeks and have no interest at all. Well thats apart from reading this section on MN. Most of the time people just want you to know the bad stuff which I really dont need to hear right now!

i had a wonderful birth and often feel like you're not allowed to tell it cos
1)you're rubbing peoples faces in it who didn't 2)dispelling the myth that birth is hideous agony
3)or just plain lying
4)or promising someone pie in the sky whihc they will never have.
plus if you've had a hard birth then you really get to be a hero, whereas if you had a good time of birth then you were jsut lucky, nothing to do wiht any preparation/ attitude on your behalf. and obviously to say that now is to condemn those who had hard births that they didn't try hard enough or failied blah blah which is also total bollocks. so there is no winning, people who tell good things of birth are poo poo'd as wierd martyr hippy types, and the horror stories remain all that people hear ...

I like to read a detailed birth story on MN and in parenting magazines, but in RL? I am pregnant with my 3rd at the moment and there is one woman who I bump into at DS2's childcare centre events and kids birthday parties who loves to retell her 2 birth stories - like she has forgotten she told me already - every time. I have the feeling that she thinks they might be instructive or informative for me, but they are so far removed from my own 2 births that I can't imagine it plus I just don't know her well enought to care to hear about her intimate birth stories face to face.

I remember that with DS1 I had so much time on my hands in hospital with him afterwards that I rewrote it - for myself - over and over, whereas DS2's is on MN and is very brief and factual in comparison. DD1 will probably bearly rate a mention unless something out of the ordinary happens like she is delivered on the side of the road by a policeman or something

I needed to tell mine because it was so awful. To be honest, I didn't care if other people found it interesting. Mind you, I did 99% of my moaning on MN where people can ignore the thread if they're not interested.
All my moaning on RL was strictly toned down, because I couldn't face people knowing how badly things had healed, I was too embarrassed.
The best thing about birth stories is finding someone else who has gone through the same experience. I was actually horrified at how many people heal badly, but relieved too that I wasn't alone.

agree with sweetish. i truly had a wonderful time and can't wait to do it again but often feel that i'm 'not allowed to tell' because others are resentful or think you're lying.

i love love to hear other people's stories. in fact in labour with dd, dh read me birth stories i had looked up and saved on the computer. i only saved the good ones, although he was in the middle of reading one when dd arrived so he had to stop - very luckily as it turned out. i went back to finish it later and it had a very bad ending!!

But would you go up to a friend who had serious problems in your marriage and tell them that you were having a wonderful time with your DH and he was the best thing since sliced bread? I had PTSD after DD's birth and even though I wanted other people to have a good birth, as well as wanting me to have one (obviously!), it just made me feel more sad to think about what I had missed out on, and even worse, what DD had missed out on.

sorry to hear about your experience mrstittlemouse.
that is the reason though that if its been ok for you, that you don't feel you can talk about it openly.

If i'm in a room with people with kids and the talk gets to the birth stories, i will always keep my mouth shut to make sure that noone has a trauma that needs healing before happily chirping away about my experience.

I think that we all do that a bit though. I am very cautious about what I say until someone hints that they had a bad experience too, and then we're a bit more honest with each other. That's exactly what you're doing when you hold back until you know that the other person had a good experience too, right?

To be honest, the only problem that I really have with people who had good experiences is that they often seem to tell me that it's because they did everything right. It's never because they're lucky, it's because they did yoga when they were pregnant, or had an active birth without pain relief, or did hypnobirthing. I try to tell them that I did all that too, but that DD was really badly positioned and got stuck, but then they look at me as though I must be stupid because I obviously didn't do it "right". I'm sure that you're not like that, so apologies for the rant, I do know that a lot of people don't do this, you just only have to meet a few to really get your back up!

mrs tittlemouse, i fully agree and understand and think the judgement on mums from the outside and inside that they could have, should have done better, done something different, is so hard and wrong, on top of a tough tough birth expereince and traumatic memories. and previously I know I might have felt a little judgemental that people "could" have done more, until a friend who did everything "right", who had the most wonderful attitude etc and is so assertive etc, had a cassarean and a really traumatic labour when she had been planning a home birth, then I know that however much you will a birth to go well we cannot do it with our minds, so much influences our births, much of which is totally out of our hands. Yes luck does come into play, absolutely, and preparation does help, and getting caretakers and an atmosphere which allows birth to unfold, but after that it is out of our hands...

I also agree that feeling comfortable to tell mums about a great birth is done with tact, just like retelling traumatic ones. but telling first time mums positive stories i think is crucial as they are generally hungry to know as much as possible and are generally only fed on fear-based horror stories which abound.

I agree that the horror stories are much more common. I think it's because those of us who did have a bad time need to go over and over the experience to process it and ultimately get over it. I do wonder what first-time Mums make of my birth experience though....

I personally think that women divide up roughly into thirds - those who will have a good birth, those who will have a bad birth, and those that could go either way. I think that it's good that things like active labour etc. are promoted, because it helps the third group who have experiences that are determined by the environment. It's only a problem when active birth is portrayed as a universal panacea, which sets up women like me up for failure. In my case, I'm certain that my genetics were the cause of the trauma as the women a generation above me on both sides of the family had dreadful births too.

I had good births and now, a couple of years on, I only mention it to people if they ask how my births were; did I have probs etc (maybe get asked more at the moment because I am preg again). Tend to just say, yes, I was lucky, they went well. I know that I did try my best to prepare my body for the birth, but am also fully aware that I was just lucky with things too. Babies both got into good positions etc. Am convinced now that with my 3rd all the things that could have gone wrong the other times will go wrong this time! Though at the same time I want to look forward to it in a positive way. I am always full of admiration for women who have had a horrible time of things as I know how hard it is when things are going well and you have an 'ideal' birth, and I always try and tell people how what a fantastic thing they have done (without being patronising obviously)!

only if you are pregnant imo

I love to read others stories and tell mine. Maybe because giving birth has been the single thing I've ever done that I feel really proud of.

ooh, I LOVE a birth story. And I am genuinely interested in all the details.

But I don't like it when some people get oddly competitive about it, and insist on banging on about how awful it was for them.

love 'em. bring 'em on... but then i am due with my first and spend spare time re-reading the labour section of my pregnancy book.

never think of them as being scare stories tho' - our feb thread in antenatal section has had its fair share of v scaries births, but the majority have been v positive.

I really loved them when I was pregnant with my first and read absolutely loads - the interest tailed off with subsequent pregnancies.

lol when i was pregnant with ds1 i didnt want to hear peoples stories- even though i got given them anyway. if i didnt know what could go wrong i wasnt panicked! which did work out for me in the event, i didnt know what they were talking abot so trusted in what i was told. only after did i find out it was quite as i'd thought lol
which totaly panicked me in time for birth of dd.
i'm still not interested either in peoples birth stories although lots of friends have no had babies so have heard many

I couldn?t listen to any birth storeys before ds1 was born as they all seemed either horrific or at the other end of the scale people popping them out like peas? I remember a good friend of mine saying when she was pregnant that what will be will be and you never know what?s is store for you and are in some ways limited in how it will turn out. Its good to know a certain amount as ds1 was born early due to induction with PE. Had a very quick birth, no pain relief lots of things went wrong. I knew enough not to panic. When expecting ds2 read up on PE then scared the life out of myself! So hearing others storeys is good but I only go into details with others who had similar experiences or ask. I don?t want to freak people out

love them, did years before i even thought about my own!

I only like the nice ones - I had a fantastic birthing experience by the way (100% good as only have one DS). I refused to listen to any horror stories beforehand though and was very into the philosophy that you can talk yourself into being in pain and having a hard labour if you are frightend and if I stayed relaxed I would be okay. It worked for me but then again I suppose I reckon it worked because I didn't have a hard time and so wouldn't know really whether it worked or not IYSWIM?
Mine was a really positive experience and would merrily have half a dozen more if DH and finances would allow. Hope you have as pleasant an experience.

My sister was an enthusiastic NCT member & gave me all the newsletters to try to get me to join. But they were all full of horrific birth stories which really put me off joining, as it seemed to be the only thing they wanted to talk about...

I like to hear other women's birth stories too, but agree that sometimes there can be too much detail. I had lunch with three mothers and a heavily pregnant first timer where the mothers were trying to 'prepare' the poor pregnant girl by giving her all the gruesome details of their respective births - it was totally unhelpful scaring her with things like "the pain of pushing feels like you are sh*ing out a bus". Not clever!

i love a birth story, and i love congratulating people on here even when i don't know them because i remember how i was a sponge for all that lovely goodwill after dd was born. and sometimes it kept me going, tbh.

i kinda know what sweetish means about the good birth thing but in a way it's just manners to play down your good fortune if the person sitting opposite you has had an awful time, isn't it?

lollipop, there was a thread on here a while back along the lines of 'would you do it all again tomorrow?' and the answer came back Loud And Clear. in a heartbeat. it's the most amazing experience, my god, you've made a WHole Brand New Person for the world. how unbelievably cool is that?