Overdue - why do I feel so rubbish about it? And induction worries ....

[Lolololo2]

I just wondered if any wise/experienced mumsnetters could give me some advice?! I am 40+8 and totally fed-up! I feel like my body is just never going to do what it's meant to do and somehow, with everybody waiting and asking what's happening, that I'm a bit of a failure for not getting this baby out. It's making me very tearful although I feel rather pathetic about that.

At the mo nothing is happening, no twinges, hardly any BH, cervix totally not favourable on Friday. But I have an induction booked at 40+11 and however much I want this baby out now, it feels as though this date has been set in stone and I don't have much choice about it. I've been told to go into hospital at 8pm and they will start it off. Thing is, I don't understand what happens if things are still not favourable (which I suspect somehow will be the case). Will they go ahead anyway? It seems mad to try and force it when it may not be ready but who do I speak to in the meantime to try and get it delayed or at least some kind of assessment as to how things are looking? I just feel as though going into hospital at 8pm with my bags etc and then telling them I don't want to go ahead with it will be ... difficult?

Sorry, these all sound like very trivial concerns seeing how fortunate I am to be pregnant in the first place but for some reason I'm getting in a bit of a state about it all! Just really want to have this baby ... but only if it's ready!

Please don't get upset about it. I couldn't go into labour with either of mine naturally either and evetually was induced with both. You are not a failure, going into labour is a tiny part of the whole child-producing and rearing process.

I was way overdue and nothing was going to fetch my two out. They tried sweeps/pessaries with me and breaking my waters which didn't work so I was put on that drip to induce contractions (which worked). Everything was fine and the end result was still the same as had I gone into labour naturally.

Good luck, it is not that bad I promise. You have the next 18 years in any case which will be hard enough so please don't beat yourself up about this!

Don't feel like a failure at all - I'm convinced that some women have longer pregnancies than the standard 40 weeks. All 4 of mine have gone into the 42nd week - only one was induced ( he really didn't want to shift - breaking waters and pessaries didn't do it, but the oxytocin (?) drip certainly did the business). With my first I was terrified of the prospect of induction and went in labour naturally a few hours before the induction apptment! So there's still time for a natural labour and if the worse happens and you are induced, it will hurt like hell, but be prepared for that and remember that you will soon have your baby! Good luck.

I didn't go into 'natural' labour and I spent weeks before walking around at night in in an attempt to get my baby's head down but I still wound up being induced (pessary). It was also my exercise for the day since it was so hot I stayed in the house all day .

Even with the best knowledge of the dates of your last period, your EDD is still only an educated guess. You have your appointment coming up so enjoy the last few days and try not to worry. Some babies just seem to get comfy in there and don't want to shift!!

You don't have to be induced at 40+11, you know. I'm not trying to confuse you even more, but you can wait it out a bit longer and opt for 'expectant management' (regular monitoring to ensure your baby is still thriving), although you may have to push a bit for this. You are completely within your rights if you choose to go down this route, and you can decide at any stage that you are ready to be induced, too.

Hiya Lolo

I was induced with my first (is this your first too)

TBH I was only young and the thought of induction didn't really bother me too much.

I was induced at 40+14! and if its any comfort to you my labour went very smoothly, a 5 hour labour in a birthing pool.

I was given gel at 6pm and at about3am my contractions kicked off and DS was born 5 hours later.

You could still go into labour though!

and my next one was born on his due date so you dont nessecerially go over everytime. x

hi lolo, i totally sympathise as i'm in the same boat - 40+3 and no signs. like you i really don't want to be induced especially as i've been so smug throughout pregnancy about how text book it has all been.

there's an absence of info about how long pregnancies are naturally - everyone just says, oh you won't go beyond 42 weeks because they'll induce. i've got a feeling that some natural pregnancies do go on longer than this and would be quite safe to leave women to go longer as i've heard of cases without intervention.

i think if i had understood that 42 weeks is not the ultimate limit, i would have worked a bit longer, as i finished work a month ago and feel like i'm in limbo.

you're not alone and should hold out against intervention if you don't want it. phone the midwife line and tell them you want to delay - don't be rushed! i'm anxious for my baby to come, but then also want to be given the room to accept that maybe it will take longer than for other people, and don't want to be induced just because that is the norm and suits convention - maybe we're not 'overdue' at all!

Thanks so much for your replies everyone. They really help and I've given myself a little talking to and am feeling better. I think I will see how I feel come induction day and try and hold off if at all possible and everything else seems OK.

Mitfordsisters - I know exactly what you mean, I've been bouncing around in the last trimester feeling really good and energetic, and also wish that I'd carried on working for a bit longer.

It is my first. I know really that going overdue isn't at all unusual, but all my many nieces and nephews have been early or bang on due date so (irrationally probably) I guess I was sort of expecting that too.

Anyway, thanks again! You've really helped!

Lololo, your feelings are really natural. Please don't feel like a failure.

In fact, I found reading this very cathartic. I am five months pregnant with my second DC and was induced with my first at 40 + 12. Nothing would shift him - not pessaries, not breaking waters, not syntocinon - until three days after they started the induction (and with the help of an epidural!), I fell asleep and dilated from 0.5cm to 10 cm in the space of three hours. He then came - and the natural way!

This time I have an appointment with the consultant at 34 weeks to discuss delaying a planned induction till after 42 weeks.

I agree with others that some babies aren't meant to be born at 42 weeks. The very fact that my mother and my aunt were both induced too suggests that long pregnancies run in our family. The reason they advise to induce labour at 42 weeks is that the risk of stillbirth increases after that time to 1 in a 1000. I haven't yet explored with anyone the effects of expectant management on this.

You still have time to go into labour naturally. When is your next MW appointment?

If you do have to be induced, my experience was shit at the time, but you forget. Your DC will be worth everything, and as others have said, childbirth is a very unimportant part of the whole childrearing experience.

I'll be thinking of you. Let us know how you get on (and if you keep quiet, we'll know you've gone into labour naturally and celebrate!)

Totally understand how you feel. I had ds1 at 14 days overdue, and ds2 at 12 days over. I, too, felt like a failure as a mother for not going into labour. Completely irrational, of course. It is interesting that no-one in my family seems to have gone into labour on time and only my oldest sister hasn't been induced - my other sister was induced, and my mother was induced with all 3 of us. Some of us just don't seem to know when the baby's cooked
As far as induction goes, although ds2 was malpresented and ewverything went wrong during labour, the actual induction and starting off of labour was a breeze. I was told I was completely unfavourable, but hey presto, one pessary was all that was needed. Good luck

Lolo -- there are some very good threads on MN about the usual physical experience of induction. It's worth doing a search for threads with 'induce' or 'induction' in the title.

I second what MrsMattie said, it's your decision to be induced or not.

Iwas in exactly the same position as you last week. 40+10 is when our local health authority usually wants to induce. Plus I never got more than a few days past 40 weeks in previous pregnancies. Somehow I had avoided an induction date, but it was beginning to feel like the only outcome! Finally I went naturally into labour, baby born 40+11. The thing is, MWs commented that both baby and placenta 'looked' less than 40+11... either they had aged very well or my dating scan just wasn't very accurate. Having read up on induction, I was keen to avoid it, so I feel very justified and happy about choosing to sweat it out a few days over the limit they usually 'allow'.

Lolo - my daughter was finally born at 43+6. She wouldn't have come out then either had it not been for a caesarian after failed induction. She was just quite happy in there.

My consultant wouldn't believe my dates although subsequently I got him to admit I was right because he'd actually scanned me when I was newly pregnant and he'd forgotten to check the results properly [duh].

In any case the 40 week thing is totally arbitrary, did you know that in the US 39 weeks is the norm (and they induce then if you are 'late' . Yet in France, term is 42 weeks.

Personally I'm with the French on this.

Your baby will come when it's cooked. Don't be forced into induction until you are sure it is what you want. You can be induced five days later than planned or whatever, it doesn't matter. The hospital's scheduling nightmares are not your problem

Lolo, I could have written this post ten years ago. Please don't beat yourself up about it, it really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. All that matters is that you will, eventually(!), give birth to your baby, whether induced or not.

As others have said, dates are only estimated, so you might not even be overdue. With my first, I got to 40+10 and went in to labour the day before my hospital appointment.

If you don't feel comfortable about being induced, don't feel ready or don't feel baby is ready, then say so. As long as mw appts show that baby is still happy they will not force you to be induced.

Please try to relax and enjoy these last few days before baby arrives - and good luck!

Ooh, and in 10 years time, when your dc is moaning that it's not fair waiting for his/her birthday, you can tell him/her that that's their fault for keeping you waiting. Revenge is sweet

I've just logged on and it's so lovely and reassuring to see these messages! Thanks so much everyone. I am feeling more cheerful today, especially on the basis that one way or another, the baby really should be arriving this week. I hope!!

The slightly confusing thing is that I was fully 'handed over' to the hospital by my usual midwife a couple of weeks ago so I'm not quite sure who I even discuss delaying induction with. I only have a number for the labour ward. Anyway, at the moment I'm feeling OK about going for the induction which is scheduled for Wednesday. And hoping that something might just happen in the meantime! Thanks again!

hi lolololo2
i was scheduled for induction at 40+11 with my DD and went into natural labour the day before and i am convinced that it was because i knew when the baby would be coming and had relaxed a bit it is really frustrating to be waiting for this major event that you dont think is on its way. just tell yourself that you WILL be holding your baby by the end of the week so enjoy the last few days of your preg good luck for the next few days
xx ei xx

I am 41 weeks plus 1 today and can totally symphathise with you lololo2 starting to feel a bit pathetic and like a failure yesterday especially with the incessant texts asking if everything is alright? - amazing how people think they are actually cheering you up!! Reading these posts has made me feel much better booked in for induction on thursday bit worried about it but still as you say soooo glad that baby will be here by the weekend
Good Luck with the coming week
Sassie

The thing with the texts etc is that people don't want you to think they've forgotten, which is nice, but it definitely does add to the pressure! I went into hibernation this weekend, just couldn't face any more of the "have sex/long walks" etc advice. Sassie - good luck, whether induction or not! Hopefully we'll have our babies by the weekend!

Hello Lololo2

I'm in exactly the same position as you am booked in for an induction Weds & had a sweep friday, my cervix hadn't dilated at all and was in the wrong position, was really disappointed as every one in my antenatal class had their babies by the date!!!am also sick of constant phone calls "any signs"?grrrr how am I supposed to know its my first baby!!!
i've tried walking/curries/pineapple/raspberry leaf tea etc.. but think baby will come when ready or when induced....just think this time next week your baby will be here...its hard no getting stressed I have been but just try & relax.....
Good luck

I guess this is what makes Mumsnet so good. I was about to post a scenario almost carbon copy of Lolololo's! Am 40+9 with number 2 and terrified of threat of induction due to irrational fear of medical procedures and hospitals. Reading the postings is so helpful, in understanding that we're not alone in terms of feeling a failure, annoying phone calls, unwelcome advice (lady in very busy Argos told me to go home and have oral sex - why do people think they can do this stuff?), etc.
Have bad SPD but gave into a sweep today, now suffering a lot of pain in the pelvis. MW tutted and said she wasn't even sure the baby's not breech and that I was only 25% effaced. I have no idea what this means (effacing bit), but it sounds depressing. Induction booked for Friday (should be Wed but hospital too busy until then). Not sure if I want to go along with it, as I felt that I lost all control in the 1st labour. However, I get the feeling nothing's going to happen by itself......
Still, it is some comfort to know I'm not alone (but does anyone know what the implications of '25% effaced' are at this stage (40+9)?
Good luck Lolololo

It is great to know that I'm not the only one. My latest strategy is bouncing vigorously on the birthing ball! No progress yet ... it just makes me need the loo even more often than I normally do which seems almost impossible but I'm determined to persevere for a bit longer! I really feel as though my body has been quite effective in getting pregnant etc etc but has somehow forgotten about this final bit.

I'm afraid I don't know about effaced, although glass half full etc if you're 25% effaced than that must be better than not at all?!? I was told that my cervix had softened and I think(???) that might be some sort of progress. But then again that was two weeks ago so it can't be that good!

Good luck everybody! It really really can't be too much longer now ...

sireedubs you can go from 25% effaced to 100% and dilating in a matter of hours in some women i think. it isnt a message of doom it means you are on your way to labour so it may happen soon FWIW i was examined when i was 40+8 and i wasnt even classed as favourable for a sweep and i went into natural labour after my waters broke not even 2 days later and DD was born when i would have been 40+11 it can happen quite quickly i think

oh and LOLO you prob need the loo more as bouncing on the birthing ball helps the baby to descend into the pelvis and press down onto the cervix so this will be helping you to kick off the early labour changes so keep it up
xx ei xx

Thanks! I'm filled with new hope! Lolololo - glass half full is exactly the way I should be thinking - good to have some perspective though.
Good luck all. This time next week we'll be occupied by a different set of delights I hope .

Thanks for the info EiWish! That does sound like it could be a positive thing (last night I think I might have made my record number of trips to the loo - I'll think of it as a step forward)!

Siree, if you're still there, I hope my glass half full comment didn't sound annoyingly pollyanna-ish! I was mainly trying to make up for my general ignorance on technical terms.

Right then ... back to that ball!

Hi Lolololo
Any progress overnight ? I started getting pains last night around 6pm on and off until bedtime every 45 mins or so just period type pains and backache nothing too bad but thought it could be the start of things to come during the night but of course slept the night through and seem to have returned to normal this morning very frustrating going to go for a long walk this afternoon with DH hoping this will kick things into action before thursday's induction.
Sasx

Hi Sassie! No, absolutely nothing for me. Not even a twinge! Good luck with your walk - and those period type pains sound like they might be promising? I think I'll try going up and down stairs a few times now ....