I asked my grandmother what she had known about birth before having a baby and she said....

[Pruners]

Message withdrawn

OEM - your poor mum

I've never heard of the 'raising your arms' thing there really were some very very odd 'old wives tales' weren't there?!!

I agree that althought things have moved on there are still quite a few old fashioned midwives about who don't always believe in or follow more modern practices and the 'well this worked in my day' type of attitude just isn't very helpful to some mothers - obviously this is rare now but i've still come across one or two myself thankfully it wasn't with my first though or i might not have been wise or knoweledgeable enough to stand up for my self

I shall keep an eye out for the books mentioned on here, they sound fascinating

3andnomore- my mum has a deformed bit on her spine, it causes no problems to her but it looks like it should. She was always told it was because her mum (my granny) was kicked in the back by a donkey when she was pregnant with my mum

My SiL told me off for raising my arms when I was pregnant with DD - DD is only 16 months old so I guess that ones still doing the rounds

I have read a lot of this thread but it's not the sort of thread you can skim read when people have taken the time to post some incredible and powerful stories about their mothers/mils and grandmothers. Absolutely fascinating and educational - a real life history lesson.

I too heard the story about not lifting your arms. I am "only" 36, it was my 29 year old friend that warned me not to peg out the washing! I ignored it but when you are pregnant you can feel a little vulnerable (well I did) so these stories aren't helpful and I always felt a twinge of guilt when I did peg it out!

Incidentally I was a breech baby born naturally in hospital. I was removed from my mother for 48 hours for observation (she feels there was no clinical need for this) and she stayed in for about 10 days. Also only my mum and one other lady were b/feeding and many of the midwives seemed a bit critical of them.

When it looked like my dd2 would be breech and I was offered a c-section I expected my mum to say something like "oh just get on with it like I did". However, she sent me an immediate e-mail basically admitting she had had a terrible time and wished she had been offered a section. My brother was born at home 2 years later and it was much better for her.

Pruners, you don't how many times I deleted what I wanted to say after I suggested Birth: A History....... What I wanted to say was just too militant and would have been offputting

You did it perfectly! Birth: A history is a revelation.

Medical science can save lives but not every life needs 'saving'.

My gran died before I became interested in childbirth. She had my mum in Africa in 1940 in poor conditions afaik and my mum is an only child. I wonder why... was she just not enamoured with childbirth and parenthood, or did she have a horrible experience?

My mum only had my sis because she was offered an elCS. She had such a nightmare time of being induced because she had pre eclampsia she vowed she would never go through that again.

I am prime example of a woman who has had no positive examples of childbirth and bf in her family.

That will NOT be the case for my daughter

My mother had a 'died at birth' daughter in 1943. She never told my sister and I anything about it until we were both, simultaneously pregnant with our 1st LOs and then the floodgates opened and she kept going on about it and how she had never seen the baby (she was under twilight sleep for the birth). Now my husband's family were undertakers and joiners in the town and had, in the 1940s the contract for 'wee funerals' with the local hospital and were able to reassure my mum that such babies were treated with respect, had their own small hand made coffin and were buried in a special unmarked but consecrated area of the cemetary. If they had lived at all they were given a name and had a proper funeral with parents, mourners and priest.

Some years after this I took over doing the books for the family business and looking back through really old 'books' came across the account which my father had paid to the firm for the coffin and burial which showed where and when my 'sister' had been buried. We were then able to go with my mother to that quiet spot in the corner of the cemetary and lay flowers, which was a great comfort to her.

BTW neither my mother nor MIL had any recollection of giving birth (1940's) as they were on the twilight sleep at the time and they were both horrified that us mums in the 1970s had to give birth, fully concious, with minimal pain relief. Also thought that breast feeding was only for 'natives' or those too poor to afford formula.

Granny22 that brought tears to my eyes, but also glad that your mother found comfort in going to the burial place of your little sister who sadly didn't live.

my nanna had a still born little boy,she told me in those days babies got put in the foot someones coffin that was being buried that day and had no idea where he was buried,when she had my dad in her late 40's my aunt had a baby at the same time quite young ,she could not cope so my nana brought up 2 babies

My MIL told me that when her first baby (my BIL) was born in the early 1970's that as soon as they realised she was in labour they took her to be xrayed (apparently they knew the baby was breech and were checking that was still the case but still hadn't told my MIL he was breech), she was taken by stretcher up stairs in to the midwife unit and then down agian to be xrayed they then sent her in an ambulance to the nearest hosp (an hour away) with her xrays but when she got there they'd lost the xrays so she had to be xrayed again! She had a hard time of it and was wheeled in to the delivery suite with the baby stuck half way out, when the baby was born (after she'd had to have quite a substantial episiotomy) he was taken away to be checked, she had a retained placenta and had to go into theatre to have it removed. She didn't see the baby until the next day, he was buised black and blue from the waist down from the birth and was screaming and crying an awful cry but stopped as soon as she held him ... Another thing that happened was that they gave her the tablet to dry up her milk without telling her what the tablet was for even though she had intended to breastfeed and whilst they had him away from her had started him on formula so she was very sad about that but subsiquently bf her other 2 babies.

my nan, now dead, told me that after she had my mum in 1944 she developed a breast abcess, and an army or ex-army doctor came to her house, put a hot flannel on her breast then lanced it with a scalpel. She passed out with the pain. She always said she couldn't feed my mum 'properly' ie had to give formula. She was telling me the story in the same room that it happened, 60 years later. She never really spoke about childbirth except to say that she bled terribly with my uncle and the flying squad came out to the house to treat her. I got the impression it was all pretty terrifying.

Have just read 'can any mother help me' and it has a few really interesting childbirth stories. It's a fab book all round really.

sorry being dim so how did a twilight birth go if the mum was not alert to push etc? were they sections or vaginal deliveries?

my mum was born in the 30's married in the 50's and had her first child in 1956

i remember her telling me once, that she wasnt sure what happened in childbirth right til she delivered my brother

granny22, my mother also had a stillborn daughter at full term, inbetween my brother and sister

things have changed so much, she said she never named her, the baby was taken away and "disposed of", there was no funeral, nothing

she was just left to deal with it on her own

My twin sister was stillborn.... Apparently, she was just taken away - no funeral, no counselling - nothing. My mum had terribly depression (possibly PND or grief related) and couldn't cope with me. She was sent off to a "mad house" (as they were then called) and I was brought up by my dad and paternal grandmother until I was about 9 months old .. This was in the 70's FFS !!

My nan also had twins (at about 32 weeks) - they were 2lb each and she had no idea she was carrying 2 babies

This is an absolutely fascinating thread! It makes me so glad that my fantastic mum has been so open my whole life about her experiences. I was born in 1982 and it seems that practices have changed dramatically since then! My mum was in labour for 42 hours and was transferred by ambulance from a small maternity unit to a hospital during that time which she says was uncomfortable and distressing as she was all alone! She was single and 22 and still managed to stick up for herself and bf. I know she had it tough in the hospital after I was born and was looked down upon as she was not married. She had a massive bleed after I was born and was transfused and subsequently got an infection from the blood (before blood was screened I think) so had a drip in one arm and blood in other and couldnt hold me for 3 days. She says she had precious little support or encouragement to bf at all and was pretty much ignored by the midwifes after the birth, even when I was lying in my cot and screaming and she was unable to pick me up!

Havent really spoken to my gran about her experiences my mum and uncle were born late 50's/60. But she is absolutely fascinated by how much I am aware of what is going on with bump! She loves the scan pictures and has says how much she wishes she had been able to see that with her babies.

Brilliant thread, am definately going to be reading some of those books!!!

Bump as this is a fascinating thread and we all need reminding every so often how lucky we are!

It's funny seeing this as I had a conversation with my nan this week along the lines of her milk never came in and she had to FF my eldest aunt. This was what happened to me after my emCS so we compared notes. I have never had such a conversation with her before, she is 80. FF was generally available then apparently, you had to see the Health Visitor or equivilent to get it.

FF was NOT generally available....

My granny had eleven children, including my mum who was number 5 and weighed in at a whopping 14lbs!!! However it was my uncle, number 6, who gave her the most problems, Apparently her waters broke, and whilst labouring on the bed, she called out to my granda that things weren't right - he had a look, and turns out that my uncle was coming out like superman - arm out first then head. The woman who was attending my granny told him she needed to go to the hospital, so granda literally pushed the arm back up(!) and then carried her to the hopsital just a few streets away. My uncle was the first and only child to be born in hospital. My granny's last child, a daughter was born at home but died soon after she was born. My granda sent to the lady three doors down and she made a shroud out of a piece of sheet. So sad.

My nana only had the two children. My uncle Brian was born prematurely at 26 weeks - nanna always said that she bent down to take a chicken out of the oven and out he popped. She said my grandad carried his little white coffin from his house at the top of the hill to the graveyard at the bottom of the hill, and he was buried in the grave of a lady who had died during childbirth, and who'se baby had live. Ironically, thats the same graveyard my son is buried in - i take some comfort from knowing that they are close, as stupid as that sounds.

My mum was told by my granny that her periods were a gift from the virgin Mary, and it wasn't until my mum went into labour with my eldest brother that she found out how he would come out - she assumed they made an 'X' incision across her belly button and lifted the baby out....

Why have all the OP's messages been withdrawn??

My grandmother who will be 96 this year and grew up on a farm did not know which part of her anatomy the baby would emerge from!
She went into labour in hospital, then had to be moved due to an air raid to the basement of the hospital with lots of other labouring mothers. Then her waters broke, and again she had no idea what that was all about. It sounds like her labour at some point slowed down and it took another 24 hrs until my mother emerged.
The whole thing was such an awful experience for her that she made my grandfather swear to "never come near" her again.
2 years later she had my aunt...

I can hardly imagine how scary the whole thing must have been when you do not know anything. Amazingly, she did not tell her own daughters anything either: my mum seriously thought she was dying when her first period arrived . Different times, I suppose, but still.

Powerful stuff, this whole thread, thanks for bumping, CaffieneHigh.

Message deleted

My poor Mother's first baby was stillborn. A little boy, born premature. He was taken away and she wasn't told anything about it at all. This was 1968. Thankfully, my mother worked in the hospital as a paediatric nurse and so was able to find out some of the details about her baby (sex, when he was buried, etc.). She also found out that he was buried in the same grave as an elderly man (just included in the burial plot, not mentioned or given a ceremony). It hurt her hugely. She told me when I was in my twenties - blurted it out one evening as we were sat together - and I do feel sad that she carried that around with her for so long.

She also told me an amazing story about when she was a nurse on the obs/gynae ward of a military hospital in the 1960's (she was an army nurse) and she used to be called into consultations as a chaperone (she was married and so therefore considered respectable). There was a young army wife there who was seeing the gynae about the fact that she hadn't become pregnant. Examination revealed that she was still a virgin but that she had an inflammed and irritated belly button. It turned out that she and her husband were both totally ignorant of the facts of life and so had 'guessed' things. My mother sat there and witnessed this appointment and the shock of the young woman as the gynae gave her a potted education. Apparently he sent her home with a dilator to help things along.

There's also a fascinating book about the mistresses of the Sun King, Louis XIV and it mentions how one of them had to 'retire' after the birth of one of her children as she was 'greviously injured in the service of the King'. She presumably sustained quite a bad injury (tearing, fistula?) during the birth and so intercourse was difficult/impossible. People must have torn and just had to deal with the consequences of bad healing, etc. such as pain, continence issues, etc. As such things weren't discussed I suppose it was a silent burden - like much of sex and childbirth, considered the lot of women. 'Eve's punishment' if you like. Supposedly sanctioned by the church - that 'women bring forth in sorrow'. I also read a book called 'The Light at the Window' about a midwife in 1950's Ireland at one of the Magdalen Laundrys (where unmarried mothers were sent to have their children and engage in three years of slave labour as punishment). The midwife wrote about how the needle and thread for stitching was kept by the Nuns in a locked cupboard and not produced even for the most severe tearing - girls were just left to heal as best they could. More punishment for them if you like.

We have it very, very lucky.