Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

How can a cash injection best improve on my last experience? (long, sorry...)

56 replies

scaredsecondtimer · 10/02/2008 20:52

I am pregnant (woo hoo!). I had a fairly grim time with my daughter's birth, and am quite scared. My parents have offered to pay for me to go private this time if it would help, and so I have been scanning the archives here for opinions on private options. I'm in north London (N8) and my local hospital would be the Whittington. I'm wondering about St John's & St Elizabeth's but am a bit anxious as to whether it would really make a difference to the things I'm worried about.

Last time round I think there were a couple of things that happened that I would like to avoid. Firstly I was booked into the lovely midwife-led birth unit at the Royal Free and thought their midwives were great. But by the time I was in the birthing pool there was a change of shift and the only available midwife was from the labour ward and was not qualified to deliver in water so I was told I had to get out. She was pretty awful - lots of shouting at me and later when things went pear-shaped I had to really argue with her not to give me more oxytocin as I had just heard the doctor say I shouldn't be given more. Also when I was finally holding my baby I asked her to help me breastfeed as I had no idea what to do, and she said she was too busy doing paperwork to help me. So I just didn't feed for hours as I was so exhausted and clueless.

The other thing that I was upset about was that, having been given an episiotomy I tore really badly and lost so much blood that I passed out and had to be given transfusions. I was stitched up by the doctor who did such a bad job that I couldn't have sex afterwards and had to go back for corrective surgery several months later.

I am rather confused as to the best way to help avoid this kind of situation. I would like in an ideal world to have a natural birth in dimmed light and with water as pain relief, but I definitely want to be somewhere with medical backup on hand after my previous experience.

I really want to avoid having a midwife like the one who was so vile during my previous labour. I will never really know how much difference she made to things, but until her arrival I was labouring with no pain relief and after her arrival I ended up with an epidural and an episiotomy and a ventouse delivery.

I also want to make sure that the emergency medical backup is more competent than the (very nice & friendly) woman who mucked up the stitches so badly.

Can anyone advise me? I wonder whether John & Lizzies is the right place? Or whether perhaps just having an independent midwife in an NHS hospital would solve most of the problms? Is that possible? Or what about private care in an NHS hospital? I saw someone mention that on another thread and they were suggesting that you could get one-to-one consultant AND midwife care. Is that right? And is it available anywhere or only at certain hospitals?

Sorry this is so long but I am desperate to get it right this time.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
Original poster
scaredsecondtimer · 10/02/2008 22:18

thanks morocco - will research cervical lips now!

OP posts:
alfiesbabe · 10/02/2008 22:19

It's really difficult to know. Sounds so similar to my first labour, up until the bit where they obviously got panicky about the anterior lip cervix thing. You see, i had that too, with my first birth, but the midwife didnt make a huge deal of it. I got to 9 cm dilated like you, without too much problem, and then had to wait because of the cervix lip. Then I went into transition and second stage (which was about 3 hours and very painful). But at no time was there any panic, the midwife seemed to think all these things were within the range of 'normal'. It really confirmed for me that for most births, a midwife is the way to go. Once you start getting the interventions, they just seem to escalate. I lost quite a lot of blood (again, at the upper end of normal though, so no panic, I just remember thinking 'Gosh' when I saw how many mls recorded in my notes!!). Maybe you need to talk through your first birth with a midwife and get an honest opinion about whether all your interventions were really necessary?

alfiesbabe · 10/02/2008 22:21

ooh crossed posts there with morocco! I agree though - there are many different ways to get through the cervical lip thing - my midwife got me moving around which helped enormously. I've never heard of anyone being given an epidural for it, so it does seem as though you might have been ill advised.

hatwoman · 10/02/2008 22:23

I had a horrible time with dd1 and after much thought I went with the birth centre at Tooting. It's like having an independent mid-wife but with some extras too. when I had dd2 (5 years ago) they assigned you one main mid-wife and a back-up. the lead one did all your ante-natals (and you got chance to meet the back up one too). the ante-natals were at your home; they took pretty much as long as you wanted - plenty of time to talk through previous experience and formulate a birth plan. you could choose to have the baby at home, to have him/her at the Birth Centre, or at hospital - but the best thing, imo, was that you didn;t have to decide before the event. my plan was "home would be nice but we;ll see how we go". your midwives were on call 24 hours a day. and their clients were carefully staggered so that you would have your midwife come to the birth. for me it was the time, the patience, the understanding, that meant I could relax and enjoy my pregnancy.

I may as well tell you the rest of the story (not very relevant but entertaining) - in the end dd2, as dh puts it, "came out like a champagne cork" and was delivered at home - by him! Wasn't their fault but the birth centre didn;t charge me for my post-natals....

Original poster
scaredsecondtimer · 10/02/2008 22:27

LOL hatwoman.... good for your dh!

OP posts:
Original poster
scaredsecondtimer · 10/02/2008 22:30

How depressing alfiesbabe. I wonder what would have happened if they hadn't given me oxytocin & epidural.

Though I certainly lost enough blood to warrant 2 units transfusion and even that seemed a bit stingy compared with how much I'd actually lost. I was the colour of a candle and pathetically weak for a few weeks till it sorted itself out!

OP posts:
Lulumama · 10/02/2008 22:31

you have had some fantastic advice here

here is another doula site, www.doula.org.uk

the vast majority of MWs and hospitals welcome doulas with open arms, i;ve certainly not ever encountered any negatitivity......Marslady is a doula in your area, she is absolutely amazing,and a several Mnetters have had her as their doula

www.mammydoula.co.uk

she can also discuss the various hospitals with you and your best options for the birth

a doula supports you before during and after the birth, you develop a rapport and a relationship and that is so helpful

second births are often better and more positive for two reasons:

your body knows what to do

you know what you want

it sounds a lot like the way this MW made you feel had a really negative impact on your labour...

best of luck this time x

Original poster
scaredsecondtimer · 10/02/2008 22:34

thanks so much lulumama

OP posts:
FatBellyJones · 10/02/2008 22:47

Just to try and reassure you a bit.. I had both mine in the Whittington and first time round was horrendous, very similar to what you described and I was terrified that next time would be as bad to the extent that I didn't even go and see my gp and let anyone know I was pregnant til 21 weeks

Second time around was very different.. different set of midwives, quick delivery with no problems, baby was born at 8.20am and I was at home on the sofa before 5pm.

Of course I have no idea what it's like there now, my 'baby' is almost 16 years old!!

Original poster
scaredsecondtimer · 10/02/2008 23:02

thank you fatbelly

OP posts:
FatBellyJones · 10/02/2008 23:06

You're welcome.. I do know how you feel and it's horrid that unfeeling people ruin the most momentous event of your life

merryberry · 11/02/2008 08:32

had same experience as you SST! am 37 with ds2 now, have late booked homebirth with indy midwife (i live N7), costing £3.2k.

i really don't fancy the travel either, so ruled out the edgware birth centre which friends have used and love ++ but is far closer than tooting, maybe you should have a looksee? it is NHS and self referral.

edware birth centre

my midwife, who lives nw1

merryberry · 11/02/2008 08:34

and congrats on PG no2!

Original poster
scaredsecondtimer · 11/02/2008 10:11

thanks merryberry.

I had a look at the edgware birth centre last time round, but decided against it as I didn't like the idea of the transfer to Barnet in the event of emergency. That one still scares me so I don't think I will go to edgware but thank you for the link.

Your midwife looks lovely - I hope your homebirth is wonderful

OP posts:
Original poster
scaredsecondtimer · 11/02/2008 10:28

Hello again - just called your midwife who sounds lovely too and says she would be able to come to an NHS hospital! I am beginning to think this might be the perfect solution, so thank you very much.

Anyone else got recommendations for midwives in the north london area??

OP posts:
merryberry · 11/02/2008 12:49

she can go with you and be a birth partner, but not in charge of your care once you are on hossie premises. still, its a win-win for me if I do go in, as she knows me and can deal with nhs for me while i concentrate this time round!

Heron23 · 11/02/2008 19:16

Hi scaredsecondtimer, i am sorry you went through all that. Have you considered a c-section?

Trolleydolly71 · 11/02/2008 19:30

Message withdrawn

Original poster
scaredsecondtimer · 11/02/2008 19:55

ooo, really? I must say the idea of a c-section horrifies me. Seems to be a bit miserable recovering afterwards, from what my friends tell me. Also I have read a fair bit about all the helpful hormones for mother & baby that kick in during a normal labour, and am a bit nervous about going without those! First time round I was a seriously blissed out happy hormonal mummy with a very contented and greedy baby.

OP posts:
alfiesbabe · 11/02/2008 19:56

Trolley, that's a very drastic solution. It might be right for a small number of people, but it sounds as though the OP wants a BETTER vb experience rather than major surgery!
Needing corrective surgery after a birth must be traumatic, and I'm not underestimating, but the fact is, you are less likely to need forceps/ventouse/loads of stitches if you have a less medical birth, preferably without epidural so you can feel what's happening 'down there' and don't end up out of control,

Trolleydolly71 · 11/02/2008 20:08

Message withdrawn

alfiesbabe · 11/02/2008 20:19

Elective CS the 'safest' mode of delivery?? I don't think so!!!

Snaf · 11/02/2008 20:20

Aaaargh. TD, that's utter rubbish. CS (elective or not) is categorically not safer than vaginal delivery for either mum or baby, in the absence of definite risk factors.

Sorry, but cannot let that one go unremarked.

spottedandstriped · 11/02/2008 20:30

I think John & Lizzies is a really special place - lots of really nice midwives who really put you at ease. I would recommend you speak to them.

Original poster
scaredsecondtimer · 11/02/2008 20:39

Did you go to J&L's, spotted? What did you think were its advantages over, for example, having an independent midwife along at an NHS hospital? I am already planning to go along and have a look.

OP posts: