will i cope with gas and air, and other naive questions

[Mumblesmummy]

This will have been asked a million times before by others, so sorry if I'm boring anyone.

I'm the weirdest person ever because I am sooooooooooooooooooooo excited about giving birth. I've always wanted to do it myself and I'm really excited that it's only 14 weeks away. I'm going to use a birthing pool and hope it goes as smoothly as my best friends (who had a great labour, 1st baby, 20 years old, 2 hours labour and a few mins pushing and all done... and little miss glowey and lovely before and afterwards).

However, it's begun to occur to me that everyone hates it and is terrified of it so clearly I'm wrong to be excited. I plan on using gas and air... but now I'm starting to wonder a few things.

Firstly, everyone says they can't describe how it feels.. I get that it's awful pain.. but can anyone clarify exactly how it feels?

Second, will I cope with gas and air or do I need an epidural? i'd really rather not have an epidural, and I want to be able to cope fine with gas and air.

Third, how long is the average labour? i understand they vary, but is there a sort of norm? is it likely to go on for longer than a day?

I think that's about all my questions. I'm just soooo looking forward to it and everyone's going 'noooooo it's going to be horrendous, how can you look forward to that?' so I'm guessing I'm wrong.

Don't get me wrong, I understand there's a lot of pain and it's tiring, but there's a gorgeous baby at the end of it!!! Fantastic!!

I really can't stress enough how important it is to make yourself comfortable. I had a pillow from home and even my favourite glass to drink water from. It somehow made the whole thing seem much less sterile. (labour wards can be very grim affairs)

Very weird but I also manicured my nails between contractions. I am no kind of wag, lol, but it was a perfect distraction.

To OP: I was exactly like you and my first delivery went just fine.

9 hours labour. 4 no pain management/3 with pain relief/2 pushing
Pain similar to very very bad period cramping but halfway through you do hit the stage where you could do with a little help.
I had gas and air but hated the feeling of being stoned. It's very true that you do keep full awareness of what your body is doing but most of all what I wanted was a clear mind to welcome my baby.
I asked for a mobile epidural at 5cm and managed to get 3 hours of respite and rest.
They let the epidural wear off and was able to push very calmly baby out.

Agree you have to prepare yourself for possible intervention if it does not go to plan.
There is no reason not to get what you want. Just keep an open mind as sometimes you need to reassess during labour.
Let your MW & birth partner know about YOUR plan B ( and C....) so they can support you.

Keep it up!

I don't think you can really prepare beforehand. Its mostly to do with luck. Plenty of women have gone in with positive attitides and ended up with epidurals and c-sections. Me being one of them. I once gave birth on just G&A too, but I was LUCKY and had a relatively easy time of it.

Fantastic!! I'm so glad I started this thread. It seems the main feedback is stay positive but prepare for things to change if needed and not get stressy about it.

I reckon I can do that. I've done a birth plan explaining that I'd like to use the birthing pool but if it's not available then I want... etc etc.

Then i've explained that I'd like to use gas and air if it feels right at the time. Then that an epidural is not really what i want, but I will have it if it would be best all round at the time.

If anything else happens, it happens. I'm crossing my fingers I get to give birth naturally. I have a really high pain threshold as I tend to either breathe through pain of think 'it'll be over soon'. So hopefully this will follow through to labour!

It's great to know that some of you had a perfect to-plan birth, but also good to be prepared that some of you didn't get your ideal birth so I might not either.

I actually had no idea the pain is like bad period pain.. I never would have imagined that. Glad I know what to expect though! I'd gone into hospital with bad pains the other week, and said 'it feels like awful period pain' and the doctor pulled this worried face, and I thought 'what?' now I know why!! lol.

I'll definately stick with the positive mind set, and go with the flow- so that I can't get too disappointed if it's not spot on.

Thanks for all the replies, they're so helpful! Any more are very welcome as I'm a little clueless about labour and everyone's experiences seem to be totally different!

well done for looking forward to it, so did I and I enjoyed it. I didn't even have gas and air as MW didn't have time to get it out of the car. I had a wonderful home waterbirth and am sure you will be fine on gas and air.
I have no idea about an average length for labour
Please remember that it is not a competition between you and your friend - a successful delivery is one with a healthy baby and healthy mum at the end of it, how you get there fades in impoprtance when it comes to it
Good luck and don't start worrying about it now

I went into labour with my ds feeling incredibly positive, I laboured at home for over 24 hours and got to 7cms before being transferred as things really slowed down and ds was back to back. I ended up with various things happening but looking back now I know they had to happen and the main thing is that we're ok. It shocked/upset me that things turned out completely different to how I had (naively?) imagined, and now Im almost 34 weeks preg Im a little more nervous this time as to what might happen, but Im trying to keep positive and have taken steps to hopefully help me along the way.

At the end of the day this could be the last time Im ever pregnant, the last time I give birth so Im looking forward to experiencing it possibly in a different way than before! If that makes sense! So yeah, try and keep calm but know that sometimes things dont go as planned, and also that if you need pain relief that you originally didnt want to opt for, thats fine too. Do what suits you at the time x

While I don't want to pee on your (or anyone else's bonfire), but being open minded and positive before the birth doesn't necessarily mean your birth will be a positive one!

I would reinforce the open minded bit though - you have to prepare yourself that it might be a wonderful positive empowering experience. but it may be excruciating, overwhelming and leave you feeling powerless.

Although my labour was straightforwards (although back to back) and admittedly fresh in my mind (only a month ago) it was so much harder and more painful than I'd thought it would be. I've had excruciating gall bladder pain, yet labour was genuinely 10 times more painful than that pain. I only had G&A as pain relief (was too late for epidural) but I would have killed sfor some good old diamorphine! (Anyone know why they don't use this rather than pethidine as opiate pain relief during labour?).

I suppose what surprised me as well, was that I couldn't just be a passenger in my own body and let nature take control. I had to take control and make things happen at the time when I was feeling the least in control.

Listening to my DS gurgling in his moses basket it was definitely worth it, but I'd seriously have to think about going through it again.

Message withdrawn

Starlight - I actually say how important an open minded attitude is!

What I wanted to get across was how hard I found labour in spite of my attitude beforehand being very similar to that of the OPs. I suppose I read too many birth stories that were either horrendous (complicated very unpleasant births) or "wonderful" (brief, relatively low pain etc), and didn't realise how much bloody hard work and pain was involved in a normal straightforwards labour!

For what it's worth I thought I'd never do it again, but here I am 38 weeks pregnant, and my memory of the pain hasn't faded at all. My best mate (childless) asked me to explain the pain, cos I would tell her the truth, I explained that I always thought it would be like the worst belly ache or worst back ache etc, but having given birth I think it's more alike to stubbing your toe, (bear with me) when you stub your toe, it's not actually your toe that hurts is it, your whole body feels it, and shudders, and to me thats what each contraction felt like, not pain in 1 specific place just a body consuming pain, thats short lived, so in preperation for birth just stub your toe every few minutes for several hours.

Good luck to you all

mm- I was going to post almost exactly the same thing, you saved me the trouble!! Everyone keeps laughing at my excitement and positive attitude. I have decided that (for me) the only way forward is to believe in myself, that I can do this, and that I should not let other people's negativity in. Good luck!!

mm - re the labour pains - they can vary (to do with the position of the baby amongst other things). When in labour with ds1, I felt the pain as massive pressure in the small of my back; with ds2 it was all between my legs and round the tops of my thighs (and "like period pain" as you said earlier). If your baby is lying back to back (ie its spine along your spine) then you are more likely to feel back pain.

Another good thing about water - you are less likely to tear (can I emphasise less likely - you might still tear!) Ds1, my third, born in water with his hand on his cheek (so his head and hand/arm were born at the same time) - no tears. Dd1, dd2 and ds2, all born on "dry land" - either tore or got cut each time

I think a good positive attitude is great, however do remember that if things don't go to plan it is not because your attitude was not good enough!

Sorry, but ROFL at contractions being anything like period pain. I wish! For me it felt like my entire body was cramping and imploding in on itself, almost from the beginning. And the pain didn't go between contractions so there was barely any respite at all throughout my entire labour. But amazingly I still managed (just) on only G&A (and not even that for a long time, not out of choice).

I think contraction pain is almost impossible to describe and extrapolate from one person to another. But if I hear anyone else describing childbirth as being like period pains I think I'll scream.

Sorry to put a dampener on things Mumblesmummy. I still really admire your positive attitude, I really do, and I hope you're one of the lucky ones. And best of luck for the big day!

TM - it depends if your period pain was the kind to make you pass out in public and get ambulances called. I came to in the uni library once - someone had found me in the toilets dripping with sweat and moved me into the library office underneath the book drop - was v surreal and embarrassing.

MM - it's not pain that can hurt you - it;s pain that will have an ending and a great one at that

I don't doubt some people get exceptionally bad period pain Bobsmum (and your experience sounds horrible ). But as that isn't the common understanding/experience of period pain, the analogy still isn't that helpful.

FWIW, I suffered from dreadful period pain for many years (thankfully quite a lot better since having DS). I often had to be off work and would spend much of my period doubled up in pain - painkillers didn't even touch it. Given that my labour pains were ten times worse, you can imagine how well it went down when I was offered paracetamol!

Or maybe I just have an exceptionally low pain threshold? But managing a posterior labour with just gas & air I'd like to think my pain threshold isn't too bad.

God it's a misery isn't it? Mine got better after my first dc too - but still a day out of life which I resent. Grrrr.

I had epidurals with ds and dd after my waters were broken both times - figured I was on my way to maximum intervention anyway by that point - was with ds but not dd.

This time round I'm aiming for my usual mantra of TENs at home, gas and air once inthe hospital and epidural if I have to have my waters broken again. But I would like to avoid an epi if poss, cos I don't want to be stuck on the bed!

Will add though, I thought labour was better than periods because in between contractions I felt totally and utterly fine and pain free. Whereas my period pain went on and on for 3-5 days.

MM - 3rd time round i'm actually quite excited about labour because I'm far more clued up than I was first (and second) time round (the power of MN )

ALso in the middle of reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth which a few folks on out May thread are reading. ALthough it's US based, it's giving me a lot of food for thought on what we're actually capable of doing during labour if our bodies are left to do their thing naturally. If you've not already got it - it's worth a look

You see, I never got any "in between contractions". Until I was finally allowed in the pool my labour was one long contraction. The in between bits just weren't quite as bad as the contraction proper.

There is nothing at all that I can guarantee about your labour, Mumblesmummy. People have different pain thresholds, my agony might be your mild pain. Different types of pain relief work best for different people. Unexpected things happen in labour- including things not being as bad as anticipated!

But one thing I can guarantee and that is that 10 years down the line, as you look at your ds or dd, the most important thing about them won't be the way you gave birth. Most women go through a phase where they want to reminiscence endlessly about their labour experience- and then the rest of your life takes over. Homework, shared jokes, missing PE kits, early morning snuggles, tantrums (yours and theirs!), burned toast in bed on Mother's Day. This is why so many women go on to have a second one, even if they have had a crappy experience of labour.

My own experience was a bit mixed. I found the TENS machine helped a lot in the early stages; the gas and air was good later on, but I had to use it patchily as it did make me feel sick. Got through on those in my first labour, but tore badly and needed episiotomy (head got stuck!) so post-partum pain from stitches was actually the most troublesome part. Still, can't say I was traumatised. There was a brief interlude (transition) where I felt I was losing control and panicking, but it passed quickly.

Had emergency caesarian second time- surprisingly pleasant experience.

Flexibility is the key. Don't expect something ghastly, lots of women don't find it that bad. But if plans do have to be changed or you find yourself in less than total control- it's not failure, it's not an exam.

Brambilina...

"if it was that bad nobody would do it more than once."

Before DD2, we were considering a third. But a back to back labour and a third degree tear was that bad. So bad, I cannot face going through it again. Enough for hubby to get sterilised.

It really, genuinely was that bad... but then I'm told that if I had another I'd have to have a CS.

So yes, it really can be that bad. Might not be for some, but was for me.