Sudden change to birth plan scared of natural birth

[MJW1999]

Hello everyone. Idk if I am just being pathetic. I have been prepped for so long that I’ll need a c section (for years before my current pregnancy as I have medical issues) only to be told the night before my consultant appointment by my partner that he wants me to try a natural birth as he’s worried about the complications of a c section.

This was a massive shock as he was always on board with the idea of a c section and was always supportive of this. We’ve previously had a discussion where he was scared over me having an epidural but obviously with the plan being me having a c section he’s had to get over that.

This was until the Day of my consultant appointment. My consultant had said that she wanted to see if I still was wanting a c section as previously discussed (previously they had agreed on one but wasn’t happy about it) and has said they want me to try a natural birth as it’s safer and a better birth for me to do. My partner upon hearing this is even more determined that a natural birth is the best option. Without an epidural. I am petrified. I can’t sleep I am so anxious over this and I am so scared I’ll end up needing an Emergancy c section anyway and I’ll go through all the pain for nothing. I am so anxious I haven’t returned to work since my appointment and am planning on getting signed off as I am not sleeping through the anxiety. I’ve tried speaking to my DP but he just doesn’t understand and is seeing it as a massive positive to have a natural birth (currently breech) and doesn’t understand why I am so scared or even the extent of the fear I am feeling. I’m crying and shaking typing this as I am thinking about it all again and how potentially in the next few weeks I’m going to go through this.

Extra context before my current relationship I was in an abusive relationship where I was sexually abused and I have a fear of things down there and any form of pain down there can cause me to have a flash back which is also a fear for me.

Also to add I’m 32 weeks tomorrow

So very very occasionally epidurals go wrong. Just like very very occasionally vaccines cause major allergic reactions and occasionally people die from general anesthesia. But that doesn’t mean it’s not a risk worth taking during a painful event like childbirth, especially if there are psychological reasons why you might find vaginal birth traumatic in addition to the physical pain most of us want some help with. In a not insignificant proportion of births, epidural or spinal anesthesia (slightly different thing) are a necessity and not an option. Talk to your consultant about epidurals and the risks they come with. Some of that risk will be mitigated by the experience of the anesthetist. Anesthetists working in Obstetrics wards and theatres do epidurals all day.

You can have a section at maternal request.

Your partner needs to quite literally shut up because it's not his body and has absolutely nothing to do with what he wants.

Are you crystal clear on the risks of a section vs risks of a normal delivery? If you're not you need to speak to the consultant again.

You have to make an informed choice. If you're in this much of a state over it you need to get a plan sorted.

Take care op

Is the uterus defect causing the baby to be breech?

My dd was breech and since unsuccessfully ttc#2 a big adhesion was found in my uterus, so she probably was wedged where she couldn't turn.

For what it's worth, I loved my c-section and had no issues with the epidural at all. I do admit the thought of a breech natural birth, especially for a first baby, sounds scary to me.

I think keep making a pain of yourself with the doctors until it has all been discussed in depth and you feel confident to make an informed decision. Your dh should butt out.

Thank you @Cocowatermelon Yes the uterus defect effectively means that my uterus is split in the shape of a heart meaning baby is struggling to turn and is more likely to be breech. Hopefully my consultant and midwife will clear up concerns with the epidural and the pros and cons of vaginal vs c section births. I know it sounds horrible but I think I’m going to keep this very much my choice and will discuss with DP once I’ve spoken to both the midwife and consultant as once I have all the facts I can approach him and let him know what I plan on doing and that I will be doing what I want with the guidance of my midwife and consultant as I am not going to go through a natural birth without strong pain relief as I can’t (with the defect each side of the uterus contracts separately so it’ll be contraction 1 then 2 then the break in between this can cause stronger pains apparently as it’s less of a space in between each contractions)

the actual audacity of believing he can dictate whether you have pain relief or not. Are you sure you’re not in another abusive relationship?

@Wnikat Hes not controlling Or abusive in anyway but I can see how it could be seen as that way. We’re usually very honest and open and I’ve always told him if he thinks something or is worried about anything to tell me so yes it’s obviously put pressure on me but I am also happier to know than him not to tell me, it’s genuinely that he’s scared of what may happen to me if I do have an epidural cause of what he’s seen.

Is it Bicornuate uterus you have? My sister has that and had breech babies and was advised to have a c-section both times. If she went into natural labour early she had to rush to the hospital so they could do the c-section straight away. Her youngest is 7 now though, so things may have changed.

Hello!
First up, is your partner or one of these doctors going to be pushing this baby out their hoo-haa or is it you? YOU. Have the doctors or your partner grown the baby for the last 9 months or was that you? OH THAT WAS YOU AS WELL. Guess who will be deciding how this baby leaves their body? YOU WILL!

Shut it all down. Ignore or block our anyone who wants to put their two pence worth in. Your body, your baby, you will decide what’s happening. I had a c-section last year all due to anxiety around giving birth vaginally. I just wasn’t doing it, it physically wouldn’t have happened. When the midwife saw the state I got myself into explaining my fear at 20 weeks (when she suggested hypnobirthing instead) she even said there was no way I’d even dilate when I was so anxious.
Breathe. Get a bit of paper and a pen. Write your feelings and your reasons down. NICE guidelines state you can have one with no medical reason but anxiety is very much a reason. I also added the fact that I wouldn’t have had a hole in hell of bonding with my baby if I’d been forced to give birth in a way I couldn’t cope with. I would have been a shivering wreck for the rest of my life I think!

Instead I had literally the best day of my life. It was everything I had imagined it to be and more, so calm, so pain-free and the recovery wasn’t even bad either. I would 100% do it again!

Get onto your midwife and get a consultant on the phone as soon as you can, tell them about all of this anxiety and how it’s not good for you or the baby. Look up the risks yourself prior to speaking to them so that they can’t give you the one sided risks of an emergency csection (that won’t apply to you) 🙄 I didn’t discuss how I was giving birth with anyone as I had one judgemental comment from someone early on and vowed to be vague with everyone from then on in. It worked a treat and saved me getting anxious having to justify my decision. Good luck! You will have this baby how you want to, no one else

My 2nd baby had a water birth/ he got stuck and I said that happened to first baby midwives were so mad that I shouldn't have been there, but many prenatal appointments they never looked at my last birth and said I needed doctor care not a water birth. Learnt that whilst they panicked dragging my baby out of me. Can't really trust anyone for standard care after that

Obviously it’s your decision, not your DP’s. Given your medical condition, personally I would do what your consultant considers most medically safe for you and your baby.

With regard to an epidural, again, follow medical advice. I’ve given birth once with and once without an epidural. The natural birth was obviously more painful but I was lucky that it was quick.

Speak to the consultant about it. It may be that with your condition, they advise for or against having an epidural. Good luck. 💐

only to be told the night before my consultant appointment by my partner that he wants me to try a natural birth as he’s worried about the complications of a c section.

You lost me there. If my DH had of said one word for any of mine he would have been asked where he got his ob specialty from and if he didn’t have one to shut up. There’s only two people with an opinion, the patient and the treating ob, and anaesthetist if things like epi are involved. No one else gets to have an opinion. Tell your partner to wind his head in.

There are plenty other things you can have in labour without an epidural . I absolutely loved my tens machine both times

Did you have a breeched birth?

I didn't.

The women I know who did all had C-sections. Some emergency as it wasn't realised their babies were breeched until they were in labour.

@seven201 yes it’s a bicornuate uterus 😊 Baby was originally in the left horn but she decided it wasn’t big enough for her and is now more in the right with her head in the left still

Thank you everyone. My consultant seems to think it’ll be safer for me to deliver naturally however usually breech babies are x section especially with a bicornute uterus so it’s extra stress. I want to follow medical advice but it seems strange to me how quickly the plans changed 😰 I’m going to talk to my consultant next week and be honest with how I am feeling (I think the shock last time stopped me from either absorbing everything that was said as well as asking questions)

I'm glad you have another consultation.

I don't wish to worry you but please check that your hospital is not one of those ones that have been in the media for prioritising vaginal birth even when not usually advised, claiming it is safer regardless of the evidence.

Please ask for actual stats related to your condition and csection versus normal birth outcomes

@MJW1999 sorry this is so stressful. I think my sisters babies both stayed in one half, so that is probably the difference. I would guess (and I am definitely no expert) that the c-section is more of a risk to damaging your uterus and therefore upping the risk of hysterectomy (that's on the risk list for c-sections anyway and very rare).

My advice for medical appts is to write down all your questions. Do not leave until you have checked all your qs have been answered.

Hi OP

You have mentioned an appointment with a private midwife, are you doing the whole thing privately or through the NHS just with extra antenatal support from a private midwife?

I am just wondering because I used a doula myself - not a midwife obviously or a qualified HCP but someone with experience of supporting women emotionally and practically (not medically) through childbirth. My reasoning was that she could be with me in any setting, whether in the hospital, birth centre or a home birth (all NHS). A private midwife can only do home births because once you go into hospital they have to hand over to the midwives there. A doula would probably be able to attend appointments with you if you want her to. So do consider hiring a doula if funds allow. If not, do you have a sister or close friend who would be a sensible and supportive birth partner?

Your partner does not have to attend the birth and based on his attitude so far I don't think he's showing much promise as a birth partner. His role is to support you in your choices about what to do with your body. He doesn't get a say.

Also due to your history (which I was sorry to tear about ) you may well find it helpful to read these:
www.positivebirthmovement.org/giving-birth-as-a-survivor-of-abuse/
and
www.aims.org.uk/information/item/vaginal-examinations-in-labour

Also see
www.aims.org.uk/information/item/making-decisions

Thank you everyone for your replies 😊 I’ve tried to look into my hospitals c section rate and they seem to have nothing online with their c section rates etc so I am going to request this information at the hospital when I’m in next week. I’ve found a secondary consultant who I can have an appointment with regarding all the stats of my condition on different births. My midwife is an NHS midwife I have extra monitoring because of the uterus and my past miscarriages. I haven’t got anyone else around me who I’d want to see me in that vulnerable state. A doula sounds amazing I may look into one. Thank you for the links I’m going to read them now 💖💖💖💖