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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

What happens if you're alone & bring baby to labour ward?

63 replies

dina10 · 29/03/2022 17:53

What happens if you're a single parent without friends or family and bring a baby to the labour ward? Or call an ambulance in labour and have a baby in the house with nobody else there?

OP posts:

berksandbeyond · 29/03/2022 19:01

@knittingaddict

I had my post deleted because I may have misinterpreted the post I was referring to. They may have meant that social services have better things to do.

Yes I meant social services are very overstretched and also I imagine that could be distressing for the baby to be looked after by strangers in that situation - maybe better with someone they’ve met a couple of times before like a babysitter?

BluebellsGreenbells · 29/03/2022 19:06

It’s all very well saying organise a babysitter - it’s a very expensive few days or even a week. Not everyone has the money to just hire a nanny on a retaining fee.

berksandbeyond · 29/03/2022 19:10

@BluebellsGreenbells

It’s all very well saying organise a babysitter - it’s a very expensive few days or even a week. Not everyone has the money to just hire a nanny on a retaining fee.

Totally but what’s the alternative, the baby stays in the hospital (for a few days or even a week as you put it?) Or goes to a temporary foster carer they’ve never met before? There’s no ideal solution here if there is no one to support at all.

GregBrawlsInDogJail · 29/03/2022 19:11

@BluebellsGreenbells

It’s all very well saying organise a babysitter - it’s a very expensive few days or even a week. Not everyone has the money to just hire a nanny on a retaining fee.

Well, those are the choices. Willing friend or family, paid childcare, or emergency foster care. And the first two are certainly better than the third.

AHungryCaterpillar · 29/03/2022 19:15

@BluebellsGreenbells

It’s all very well saying organise a babysitter - it’s a very expensive few days or even a week. Not everyone has the money to just hire a nanny on a retaining fee.

I’ve acknowledged in my post the cost of that may be unaffordable, I’m saying what I would do personally as social services would be a last resort to me so I would try to sort something else out like I said if possible.

Alwayspaintyournails · 29/03/2022 19:15

@twinsetandpearl

Why/how can you have a baby and also be pregnant with another child without the father? Where are the father(s) in all this?

Many reasons. Happily married to the OP’s knowledge then… Her husband leaves her for another woman. He beats the shit out of her. He’s unwell and unable to care/in hospital himself. He died.

Surely you do realise that not all lives are picture perfect?

@dina10 speak with your midwife. I would have helped any mum at toddler group for a birth.

Sortilege · 29/03/2022 19:38

@twinsetandpearl

Why/how can you have a baby and also be pregnant with another child without the father? Where are the father(s) in all this?

I’ve seen it happen. Women fleeing DV have often been denied contraception by their abusive partners.

DV often starts in pregnancy.

Unfortunately we have a questionable orthodoxy that when DV is severe, it is the survivors (women, rarely men) who should relocate, sometimes overnight, and leave their support networks behind.

You sound ignorant and judgemental.

Creameggs223 · 29/03/2022 19:44

If that was me think I would opt for a home birth and hope baby slept while I was in labour.

bettertocryinamercedes · 29/03/2022 20:03

OP where are you? Maybe one of us knows a service or could help you find someone.

ChickpeaPie · 29/03/2022 20:12

Even if she has a home birth she needs to sort child care for the toddler in case of emergency.
In the hospital the staff there will absolutely not be able to look after your other child so yes, social services.
Good luck

HorribleHerstory · 29/03/2022 20:16

I have given birth with my DC in the room, it wasn’t a problem,, but I was not in a labour ward.

I’m not sure what they would do. Would you be wanting to have someone with you when you give birth? I know not everyone does. Could you ask that person to care for the DC?

If not, and I needed emergency unpredictable childcare for a young baby, I would go to the local nursery, explain the situation and ask if any of the staff there could help out. They are qualified, and given the circumstances might let you pay over time/in installments, if money is a problem. I would imagine there would be someone who would help out.

One day as a single parent I needed emergency care for one DC, blue light ambulance, and my other DC stayed with my next door neighbours who jumped in to help when they saw the ambulance, they were fab and kept the dc overnight at a seconds notice. Ideal maybe not, but fine and I bought them a bunch of flowers.

FrankLeeSpeaking · 29/03/2022 20:22

If I was in that situation, and had no other choice I'd probably have to go in alone and leave the father with the elder child. Not ideal, but best solution.

FrankLeeSpeaking · 29/03/2022 20:27

No father: then emergency foster care would be the only option, if there are really no friends/family around.
Hiring a babysitter is all well and good until your in for two days, then what?

NewtoHolland · 29/03/2022 20:47

Communities like churches might be able to help you. They often do befriending and helping meet people's practical needs.

Soontobe60 · 29/03/2022 20:49

@Comedycook

This is why pregnancy lasts nine months so you can sort issues like this

What an unpleasant thing to say. You can't just conjure up willing friends and family out of thin air.

If there are no family and friends, then the woman should let the midwife know and ask for help from social services in that case.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 29/03/2022 20:50

@Comedycook

This is why pregnancy lasts nine months so you can sort issues like this

What an unpleasant thing to say. You can't just conjure up willing friends and family out of thin air.

No but you can research and vet potential paid for babysitters.

Soontobe60 · 29/03/2022 20:54

@twinsetandpearl

Why/how can you have a baby and also be pregnant with another child without the father? Where are the father(s) in all this?

Well, first you get an egg, then you get a sperm…..

Divebar2021 · 29/03/2022 20:58

There are childcare options for unsociable hours / short notice / overnight stays. I work in the emergency services and we were sent a link to one such agency (which was obviously useful for people working shifts.) I have seen a local childminder who cares for children overnight by arrangement so I think it’s worth scouting out the options while you have some agency.

Pregnagainagain · 29/03/2022 21:12

Please discuss this with your midwife team and they will be able to signpost and advise, it’s better to have a plan. There will be a solution

Mossstitch · 29/03/2022 22:17

Have you not got any older neighbours you could get to know, like me (over 60 mum to 3 with a DBS😊), because if you were my neighbour I would be happy to help in these circumstances so I'm sure others would! Then at least your little one could get to know them first. Have to admit one of the reasons I had my second at home was because there was nobody to have my older child although I did have his father there and in emergency circumstances would have left child with his father and laboured alone.

Thedogscollar · 29/03/2022 22:48

Midwife here. If you have no family or friends that could come and collect your child then social services are contacted to arrange emergency foster care.
They are there to help which is not always the opinion of some but their role covers many eventualities.

Moodlesofnoodles · 29/03/2022 23:17

@twinsetandpearl

Why/how can you have a baby and also be pregnant with another child without the father? Where are the father(s) in all this?

Is it really so hard to work that one out? Father has left / split up / died / in prison / in hospital / one night stand, etc. Single mum with donor conceived children. Ukrainian refugee with father fighting in home country. Sure there are other scenarios.

caringcarer · 29/03/2022 23:53

I am a foster carer but don't do emergency care but I have friends who do. One took three little sisters who's Mum went in for cancer operation for 2 weeks then collected them from nursery and school and kept them overnight when she had follow up chemotherapy. She has taken children before when parents in car crash and stuck in hospital for a couple of weeks.

thebigpurpleone · 30/03/2022 05:35

Where are the dads?

mathanxiety · 30/03/2022 05:43

You can't just conjure up willing friends and family out of thin air

I did.

DC3 was on her way very fast and I asked a neighbour's young teen DD if she could take care of DCs 1 and 2 for the day.

I had previously called a doula agency to see if they could provide someone to babysit with a few hours notice, and they were willing, for a price, though they said this was the first time anyone had ever asked for this and babysitting wasn't strictly speaking on their books.

In the end I didn't have time and the teenager did a great job. However, I was very lucky DC3 arrived on a weekend or she would have been born in a traffic jam on the highway and her older siblings would have been in the car to see it all.

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