Guilt for planned c-section?

[Kathyg533]

Hello everyone. I’m almost 17 weeks pregnant with my second baby and I’ve been offered either a c section or a vbac birth option. I know it’s still early days and a lot can change but I can’t get it off my mind.
My first labour was very long, drawn out over a week, my waters were broken by accident on a sweep , very painful, I tried my hardest but never got fully dialated and resulted in sepsis and an emergency section at the end as baby became distressed (I was kept awake luckily). It was very traumatic and invasive looking back but there was nothing medical to stop my body giving birth naturally apart from the sepsis and pure exhaustion. (that I know of anyway).
Being offered the elective section this time around has put me in a tricky situation. Im totally stumped on what to do. I’ve read utter horror stories about vbacs but I am also feeling super guilty about wanting another section (I want one mainly because of the complete fear of having sepsis again even though I know it was once in a blue moon situation ).
I feel like I have no real medical reason to want one , unless I am wrong? The midwife told me im high risk thanks to my previous section though.
I feel like I’m wasting people’s time. And the thought of being in hospital for a few days with covid going around scares me. But I can plan the dates, get my toddler somewhere safe and I’m very rural, an hour and half drive from the hospital so a planned section would be really convenient . But I’m not sure if that’s valid reason enough for a section! Really stuck on what to choose.

Can anyone give me some positive vbac stories ? Or even positive elective section stories where you have just chosen to go for one?

Very scared . I wasn’t this scared of labour with my first as I was low risk, thought I could deliver naturally. Now I’m still at that stage where I still don’t know if I can give birth naturally or not anymore.

Thank you!

If it makes you feel any better, I had a very similar birth story to you with DD. long protracted labour, escalation of interventions, culminating in a severe allergic reaction, and an EMCS.

Though DD is an only child I can assure you, if I were to ever have another child, I would 10/10, 100% and absolutely DEFINITELY have a planned csection.

In fact knowing what I know now, I'd have demanded one the first time.

No shame in it. I'm generally pretty physically and mentally tough, but vaginal birthing is not for me.

Oh and to add, I too had a low risk pregnancy, up until the point of birth it was textbook. I am EXCELLENT at being pregnant, but terrible at giving birth.

I had emcs under general anaesthetic with DS (full placenta rupture.) When pregnant with DD I was determined to vbac even with all the professionals telling me otherwise. in the end, it was very similar to you. 5 days in Labour with DD. Not progressing, sepsis. Another emcs, DD in SCUBU. We have discussed trying for a third baby and have decided a elective caesarean would be safest/best for everyone. In your situation I would choose to have the caesarean and as much as I completely under the guilt think, I’m time it will be the best decision for you. Good luck

I haven't had a c section so maybe this isn't the post for me, but I think in your shoes I'd take the offer of an elective. Ths fact that your midwife has said you are high risk would be enough for me.

There's no need to feel at all guilty about having a CS. If it's the safest way to get your baby into the world then it's the right one. A CS is just an alternative way of giving birth, it's nothing to feel guilty about.

It's a very long time ago, but my DM had me by CS because I was a breech presentation. Poor woman didn't know she was going to have a CS until she arrived at hospital in labour, and it was under GA too as epidurals didn't yet exist. Four years later she had a VBAC with my sibling. She doesn't remember much as she was drugged up to the eyeballs, but says she'd have preferred another CS if it had been offered.

I have a similar first birth story to you. Very traumatic. I am hoping to have a 2022 second child and I will request a c section because I just can't cope with a repeat and I think mentally I've got no faith in myself/my body to give birth naturally.

I think the odds on you having a successful VBAC are quite good if you wanted to give it a go. You could also put conditions on it e.g. Will attempt natural labour if spontaneous labour occurs before 42 weeks. Follow vbacfacts and vbacbirthstories on instagam. Lots of info there.

Oh god, don’t feel guilty. It’s your choice to have a c section snd no one should judge you for it. If it makes you feel better I recently had an elective c section at my request, no real medical reason. Other than my baby was large. I didn’t want to go through the unpredictablity of labour and wasn’t comfortable with the risk of a vaginal birth. It was granted (as it should be) snd my birth was a dream and I was met with no prejudice. In fact, several of the midwives and one of the consultants said to me that they had a ELCS at a maternal request. I wouldn’t hesitate to recommend an ELCS.

I never experienced labour. From what my friends tell me, I haven't missed out on anything. Both of mine were largely elective - small person, big babies and an unyielding cervix at the best of times. The specialist told me that induction would be long and difficult with no guarantee I would deliver naturally.

My mother told me the horror of having a nearly 10 pound first baby in her mid-thirties with forceps and the best part was meeting the anaesthetist who said when she woke up it would all be over. Apparently I wasn't in a very good state when I was born as I was exhausted and pretty battered. Her sister nearly died in childbirth in a country town where there was nobody other than the local doctor on hand and got dreadful birth injuries. My mother had a prolapse years later and had a hysterectomy.

I think we all got the same cervix and I had much the best of it. I had fast uncomplicated recoveries from my c-sections. I wasn't already exhausted from a trial of labour. The scar was minimal. I was back at work six weeks later and exercising and my pelvic floor is in tiptop condition.

I forgot to say my first had a prolapsed cord and would likely have died in natural childbirth. It's rare and very dangerous. In fact, the medical students in theatre were asked to draw close to see what it looked like - by that stage I was high on drugs and wouldn't really have cared if a chorus of rabbits had come in doing the cancan.

Oh my God don't feel even the tiniest bit of guilt! I had an awful time with my fist and a gorgeous painless ELCS with my second birth (twins). I could not recommend it enough. Enjoy.

I had emergency followed by planned. The planned was amazing. I felt like I was packing up go on holiday then travelling to the airport. I arrived at 7am and was second on the list and had baby at 8:30am. I was in a lot less pain with the planned and was bending over as normal. Was also nice to start newborn days without the exhaustion of labour!

Something stuck out in your post about being worried about being in hospital for days.. You can be in hospital a lot longer with natural labour depending on how long it is!

And I agree c section is very convenient for planning childcare.

Hi op I came to say I'm 10 weeks with dc2, after a very similar birth for dc1 to your story. Only diff being I was put under a GA for emcs. Baby nearly lost.

Easy straight forward pregnancy, then after a long labour things went pretty wrong, and I spent 2 weeks fighting sepsis without my baby (he's ok now)

I was told not to attempt vbac, but only elcs. My friend had a emcs, attempted a vbac for dc2 then needed an emcs after foetal distress and not progressing anyway. Hers was precovid, but by a few days as we locked down only days later.

She was knackered after long labour, and then had the usual surgery plus caring for the toddler and newborn on top of that.

It's incredibly sobering to be looking at surgery in covid times with a toddler in tow- so I feel pretty guilty about having another because I feel like my priority should just be being here for my kiddo.

But whatever you decide you don't need the mum guilt on top, vbac can result in good outcomes, but I'm high risk so I don't have a choice, it might be better for your own guilt just to re-frame it as you needing a elcs.

Sorry for the ramble but I wanted to reach out as you're not alone.

Stop it now. Its a totally valid reason to want a c section. I have no clue why you feel guilty you want to avoid a poor medical outcome which is totally valid...

Personally I have a zero fucks given approach and suggest you adopt the same.
I don't get why you are trying to talk yourself into a VBAC which may well lead to complications and possibly an EMCS.

For context, I have not yet had a baby.
I'm 31 weeks and have a planned to have an ELCS with no specific medical reason beyond the fact I don't want a vaginal birth and believe I will get a better medical outcome for both myself and child with ELCS.
I since found out I have GD but was 100% having one anyway and was "approved" by the consultant before being diagnosed.

I'd part of your problem "what people think?" Because I have been fairly open about my choice and FASCINATED by people's reactions.

One of our friends husbands brings it up weekly about how haaaaard recovery is and how "risky" it is. His wife just had a baby had 16 stitches 8 of which ripped and she has a partial prolapse. I eventually asked
if he kept being it up because he found recovery from his own c section so difficult. He looked confused then the penny dropped.

My best friend also was evangelical about VB pre and post pregnancy and cannot stop talking about my csection which I find 😅 she tells EVERYBODY about it. She even told our waitress i was having a ELCS when we're out last month who was like "okay. That's nice. Do you want dessert?" 🤣🤣🤣

A woman who worked with my mother who I met ONCE for 2 mins printed off documents
for her to give to me highlighting how much better natural birth is vs c section. My mother laughed in her face and told her to get a hold of herself. We had had good laugh about it.

@Kathyg533

Hello everyone. I’m almost 17 weeks pregnant with my second baby and I’ve been offered either a c section or a vbac birth option. I know it’s still early days and a lot can change but I can’t get it off my mind. My first labour was very long, drawn out over a week, my waters were broken by accident on a sweep , very painful, I tried my hardest but never got fully dialated and resulted in sepsis and an emergency section at the end as baby became distressed (I was kept awake luckily). It was very traumatic and invasive looking back but there was nothing medical to stop my body giving birth naturally apart from the sepsis and pure exhaustion. (that I know of anyway). Being offered the elective section this time around has put me in a tricky situation. Im totally stumped on what to do. I’ve read utter horror stories about vbacs but I am also feeling super guilty about wanting another section (I want one mainly because of the complete fear of having sepsis again even though I know it was once in a blue moon situation ). I feel like I have no real medical reason to want one , unless I am wrong? The midwife told me im high risk thanks to my previous section though. I feel like I’m wasting people’s time. And the thought of being in hospital for a few days with covid going around scares me. But I can plan the dates, get my toddler somewhere safe and I’m very rural, an hour and half drive from the hospital so a planned section would be really convenient . But I’m not sure if that’s valid reason enough for a section! Really stuck on what to choose.

Can anyone give me some positive vbac stories ? Or even positive elective section stories where you have just chosen to go for one?

Very scared . I wasn’t this scared of labour with my first as I was low risk, thought I could deliver naturally. Now I’m still at that stage where I still don’t know if I can give birth naturally or not anymore.

Thank you!

ok here is my story, i had 3 c sections, the first being done after 36 hrs labour which included having my waters broken then forceps and ventouse, none worked so ended in an emergency c section,

my second, i had been led to believe that i could have a vbac all along, well that was ot the case as they had already put me down as needing a c section and just didnt bother to tell me!

and then finally my third c section, planned and i was involved with that planning right from the very start and all i can say was what a totally different story, so much better and more relaxed. the count down to d day was brilliant, i had everything ready, i even went and had my hair done!

the first baby i was like death warmed up for weeks after, you name it, i had stitches in it! i was in so much pain with very little help from the midwives even when we got home.

the second one, well when i went into labour and husband took me in, there we where expecting to be going thr the normal proceedures for giving birth vaginally, the midwives in and out the room trying to put drips in me, and shaving the front of my belly! erm no love you need to do lower! not once did they bother to check to see how far dilated i was, or any of the other things that they should have been doing, it was at that point i realised i had been lied to all along, i went into total panic mode, i refused to co operate with them at all, they went ahead and did the c section without permission!

so what am i saying? if i had my time over again i would just say expect your going to have another c section and set up the help you will need at home ready for that. if it turns out you did manage ok on your own then brilliant but at least you where ready for it unlike me who had no help at all

I did have an evangelical midwife who argued with the specialist about the c-section. He had an ironic smile on his face when she found out about the prolapsed cord. He'd been in practice 30 years or so and she'd been in practice maybe 5 years. I'd told him I wanted nothing of that natural childbirth stuff - I wanted drugs and lots of them. In his practice of largely over 30 patients I was apparently the exception and he told me that people were only keen on natural childbirth because they didn't remember what it was like in the old days and the horror of having patients in labour for thirty hours and the baby was too high for forceps and c-sections were done only in the most extreme situations.

I know now that sometimes if you are lucky the cord can get unprolapsed before labour but I did ask her about what would have happened if I had gone into labour. She told me if I'd called and told her the cord had dropped down she would have told me to shove it back up and call an ambulance. With the best will in the world, I could never picture me in early labour fossicking about to check for the drooping cord. It is even harder to imagine shoving the cord back up through the cervix.

That baby is now in medical school.

Ds1 was 25 hour labour, waters broke before contractions started. Went Into hospital at 3cm dilated and dilated fast. I then gushed blood so they monitored me for placental abruption with a clip on my baby's head. No epidural given as they were convinced I would be delivering before they could get someone to do it. Pethidine had wore off hours before and I was just on has and air. 2 hours later I had not progressed past 9cm. I ended up with a baby in distress and whisked off for an EMCS.

It wasn't just the physical side of it but the mental and psychological aspect, feeling totally out of control and being in horrific pain that gas and air didn't really touch.

With Ds2 my ELCS was booked at my 20 week scan. Totally different experience, calm, leisurely and pain free. Ds1 was with his beloved Grandma, I knew exactly when I would be going into hospital. It did however make me realise how rushed my first c section was. It also meant DH could book holiday for after paternity leave knowing exactly when that would be.

I had a very similar first experience to you and chose a planned C-section immediately with my second. There was NO WAY I was going through that again and I felt it was safest for both of us. My planned cs was calm, beautiful and the most amazing experience of my life. Don’t feel a second of guilt, I honestly couldn’t recommend it more! Good luck with your decision. Oh and with the planned we were discharged 24 hours exactly after he was born, the recovery is quicker generally (although my recovery at home for the second was trickier, I think because having the older kid meant I tried to do more than I should have done so don’t forget to rest and recover)

My friend had similar first birth to you. Second time round, she canvassed the opinions of various doctors (she's a medic). Every female doctor advised her to go c section. One male doctor advised her to vbac. She took male doctor's advice. Wishes she hadn't. The vbac went ok, but recovery was not. Been incontinent the past 6 months, struggles with mobility etc. Its a cliche, but if you have managed to preserve one part of your anatomy the first time round, maybe it's better to try to keep it intact. Having said that, I did vbac with my two, wouldn't hesitate to have a c section with next one if that was the safest option.

I had a similar birth to you and will definitely be requesting a c-section for my second

Why would I chance ruining my pelvic floor as well as having a c-section scar, when I could just have one?

I had a failed induction, 3 days of no sleep, was left alone in active labour with no midwife as they were short staffed, finally had an epidural and then didn't progress. This time there was no doubt in my mind that I wanted a section. Towards the end of pregnancy baby was measuring 97th centile and I was told section definitely the best option. He was only 8lb 7 in the end but I had loads of fluid and they said that would have made labour much harder as contractions less effective. The elective meant that I felt in control and wasn't dreading the birth. Don't feel guilty if this is what you want. I also had a great recovery last time and although you can't guarantee the same outcome, for me it's been the same this time.

Oh and agree with PP about being stuck in hospital! I was out 22 hours after going to theatre! The poor woman next to me was told she couldn't go home as she'd had a temperature in labour and they needed to continue antibiotics. My top tip is drink as much water as you can after so you can do your 2 wees when catheter out easily and tick that off the discharge list! Also they won't remove catheter of urine output is poor so drink drink drink!

I think you'll feel guilty whichever one you do, so I'd choose to be guilty with an intact fanny.

Why do you feel guilty? There’s nothing shameful about having a c section. In your case, it’s also been suggested by your clinician so go for it!!!

Some differences because I had a forceps birth first time round but like other posters had no sense of control, it was an extremely stressful and escalating situation with little communication from medical staff. I healed well but did have a prolapse.

Second time round chose an ELCS, fully supported by consultant. It was a far better experience and even a healing experience. I had thought I had done birth wrong and had a lot of guilt from my first birth. From ELCS I feel I have gotten over this and more importantly I can remember the whole thing, it was calm and the moment of meeting my baby was so special, I didn’t have that with vaginal birth.

Being able to prep your toddler for when you’ll be going in and where they will be is an added bonus. My dd1 had a great holiday with DPs.

Consultant recommended staying in 4 days to have access to better pain relief and to avoid overdoing it at home.

You don’t need to feel any guilt, it seems like the right choice for your situation. And I would argue more people should do the same.

Nobody is handing out prizes for squeezing a baby out of your vagina, dear. If you feel a C-section is right for you, it’s right for you. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

I’m currently 25 weeks pregnant with my first child and have opted for an elective C-section on the basis that I don’t want to give birth vaginally. It’s really not for me. I don’t feel guilty about it, it is what it is.

Hi everyone , thank you so much for all your comments! I didn’t expect so many. So heartwarming that you have all been so kind!
Some of these stories are crazy! I’m so sorry for people who have had to go through such traumatic experiences , so glad your babies got here safely.
I’m not sure why I feel guilt, maybe I feel like people will think I’m “too posh to push” or I’m putting more pressure on nhs or taking someone else’s slot etc. I always feel like I’m a hinderance in life lol.
I know it’s silly, I often overthink everything lol !

This has defo given me a lot to think about and I am defo swayed towards a section :)