Have any of you NOT had more children because you can't bear to go through birth again?

[PutThatInYourPipeandSmokeIt]

The birth of my DD was beyond my wildest dreams and yet I still found it uncomfortable and remember thinking god I feel miserable. Having said that, I didn't use any pain relief and I didn't tear or anything. I can only take my hat off to all you ladies that do so marvellously in terms of days of labour, difficult postitions etc etc.

Now PG again and I'm starting to get my knickers in a knot about not coping with the birth and that as the first one was the best I could ever have hoped for, it can only be down hill from now on etc.

Have any of you NOT had more children because you can't bear to go through birth again??

Oh please knock some sense in to me!!!

Wavering too....Ds2 is 6 months old and his birth was horrible. Pregnancy is nasty too, I'm the same as someone below, 4 months of feeling sick, incapable of looking after the others.
First birth was great, I had no idea it could be so awful as the second. I really, really want more babies but am freaked out by the idea of another labour and pregnancy like the last

After DS1, I was shocked at how completely far removed my birth experience was from how I'd imagined it to be (Same as most, I expect). I then had DS2 and it was better in some ways, but he was bigger and it was even more painful. I was advised not to have any more children by the MW directly afterwards , due to DS2's size and the fact that both DC's had got "stuck" but every now and then I do get broody.
TBH, it's pregnancy that puts me off more than the birth.
I only ever wanted 2 DC's and have no plans on changing that.

hey twinkle, am sorry you are still feeling about the birth, my door is always open!

But it's not just "one day if you're unlucky" is it? Some of us have had pain/discomfort/problems for over a year. I'm healing now, post-BFing, and I want another just because I'm getting on and need fertility treatment, but I hate the thought that I have to give birth again.
And before anyone gets on the "but next time you can do natural active labour" bandwagon, I did do natural active labour with a supportive midwife.

Hey Lulu - I recognised you earlier on. I'm not feeling too bad about the birth any more until I think about having another one. Do you reckon there are some of us where the forgetting part just doesn't kick in?

But like others have said, it's not just the birth, it's the whole pregnancy thing, and in my case the stress of trying to get pregnant. My pregnancy was so anxious right from the start and I'm sure I had antenatal depression. The whole medicalisation thing, the horrendous exhaustion, not sleeping for 5 months (before the baby), the world and their oyster seeing your private parts, the feeling that your body isn't your own any more, being so out of control - the list goes on and on.

But then part of me wants to do it again so I get the chance to heal the wounds from the first time round, get breastfeeding right, etc. etc. And I feel I owe it to DS to give him a little brother or sister. However, like I said, we'd be mad to have another one at the moment cos of the financial factor. So who knows? Maybe one day.

Thank you all fro all your replies and sorry I haven't been back sooner! I can't remember who mentioned it earlier but I did have a waterbirth and had to get out to speed up the contractions again and I have to say - I take my hat off to all dry landers!!!!

I absolutely agree that it's the pregnancy bit as well and then the newborn bit and then the continued broken nights etc. Maybe that's what it is - that I can now see ahead and am thinking of it all at once!! It's all such a blip in time though.

I do find it amazing when people have 4 or 5 or more children and think that it really can't be that bad or they wouldn't keep doing it. I'm just being crap I think!

I think that for most of the people who have 4 or 5 it probably isn't "that bad" - the others are sadists. Many of us who have only one may be the unlucky ones who had a really bad time. Either that or we're just soft - I prefer to think it's the former though.

Twinklemegan - people's experiences vary so much, not just in their own physical wellbeing during pg and birth, but also in the treatment they get. Re "the world and their oyster seeing your private parts" - that hardly happened to me when I had waterbirths - you give birth with your bottom in the water and I had hardly any internal exams before birth. Of course I was checked out afterwards, when it was really necessary. But it is important that a woman in childbirth should be kept as mentally comfortable as possible, as well as having her physical needs looked after.

Usually births become easier after the first one. Your body knows what to do and the first baby has made the way.

The second stage passes so much more quickly. Each time I felt some dread when I went into labour but then I just got swept along. The feeling of relief as the baby slides out is fantastic.

I gave birth to number 4 without hardly a blink of an eye

twinklmegan IME, where there has been a degree of birth trauma, the amnesia thing does not happen to the same extent, especially if there has been hours of a bad birth experience....IFYSWIM. your body won;t let you forget until it is fully processed and dealt with. birth is such a huge part of a womans' psyche and can have such a massive impact, positive and negative.. it is more than just a day out of your life.

DD1 - 9lb 5oz - induced at 42wks - labour for 3 days - ventouse delivery - bruised and tore but ok otherwise.

DD2 - 8lb 6oz - waters broke at 41wks - contractions for 3 days - full labour for further 36hrs - no pain relief (didn't have time in the end) - tore inside and out - lost too much blood and had infection due to messy delivery.....

NEVER EVER AGAIN.

What bugs me is that after your first baby you're told 'oh its easier second time around' and 'you'll know what to do the second time' etc etc.....It was no easier and had I had my second child first I would never had had the second one...iyswim!

Oh and the after pains - contraction like pain - after a second baby is a lot worse than after a first...and I'm told that gets worse the more babies you have? Well that puts me off a third straight away!

I would love another baby but after my first pregancy I don't think I will or can. My birth was ok, I was lucky enough to have a c/s, but my pregnancy was hell. I had very bad SPD. I was in horrendous pain every single night and day. I couldn't walk, or stand, or sit or lie down and there was nothing anybody could do about it. Nobody knows why it happened to me. Just 'bad luck'. I always thought I would sail through pregnancy being young(ish) and fit but I didn't. Two and a half years on I still have problems with my pelvis and it has put and end to my sporting career. Had I know somthing like this could happen I probably would not have gotten pregnant.

I think pregnancy and birth is mostly down to luck, you never know what it's going to be like for you. Some women sail through it and some have horrible experiences which affect them for a long long time. Am I envious of the women who have had an easy time, you bet I am, but I know that I too have been incredibly fortunate in that I have a beautiful 2 y.o. daughter who is healthy and thriving. Yes, I would love another baby but not if that means going through another pregnancy like I've had and taking the risk of damaging myself further (because unfortunately for SPD it gets worse with every pregnancy not better).

i found the pushing and head crowning stage with dd1 horrible and swore down i would never do it again. i did eventually 5 years later and it was a totally different experiance. the pushing and head crowning bit only lasted 2 mins rather then hour and a half and i felt much more in control. im now having #3 and i still feel nervous at the thought of the birth as i know the chances of having (in my eyes) such an easy delivery again prob arent so high. then again both my children have been streaight forward births with no intervention so fingers crossed

I swore no more after dd1; 7 years of trying, a previous molar pregnancy which resulted in 10 months of chemotherapy, then a long and difficult birth with a third degree tear.
Fortunately, I found out I was pregnant, when dd1 was 5 months old (bit of a miracle really), so didn't have to do any of the thinking or worrying about whether to try again! I was pretty terrified going into the birth, but found these things helpful:

Going to NCT refresher course, for second time mums, meet other mums with worries, go through fears.

Talk to hospital, find sympathetic midwife there who will go through your notes.

Be really kind to yourself - let things go, take it easy and get everyone you can find to help you.

I only had gas & air with dd1 and it took about 3 days and ended with ventouse, with dd2 I was induced, had an epidural and had her about 2 hours later, with a little tear. In some ways it was better, and in some ways worse, but more than anything it was completely different and from the moment she was born it has been magical, even the sleepless nights!

I hope everything goes well for you.

Hm, must admit the awfulness of ys Birth is one of the main reasons for me NOT to have any more children.

Rochwen have you been in touch with the Pelvic Partnership? If not do google it as I can't do links. Really sorry to hear of your experience, esp if you had a career in sport. I think there should be more research into SPD.