What actually to expect? First time (teen) mum

[pronxcessxo]

Hi,
I've been on here a while but haven't made my own thread before so excuse me if i make any mistakes, formatting errors etc :)

So I'm 19 years old and 35 weeks pregnant (I know, I know). I have an amazing support network, my boyfriend and I have a rock solid 5 year plan, and we're lucky enough that my parents house can comfortably welcome 1 20 year old young man and a tiny little baby boy. So, no worries financially, and I'm going to be well supported after the birth - so far so good.

However what i’m most nervous about is the actual hospital experience. I've only ever had one overnight in hospital, on an A&E ward, and it was fine. This is going to be slightly more intensive I should imagine.

I don't know what's going to actually happen at the hospital, before, during and after my stay. Am I going to be there for one night, two? I know with COVID my partner can be there during visiting hours- what about the rest of the time? Am I just going to be left to get on with it with a brand new baby? Am i going to be monitored? What are the wards like normally? I have a million and one questions lol, but what I'd like to know actually is what happened during your hospital stay after giving birth for the first time, especially during COVID times. I'm really flipping nervous!!! (Also, what do i ACTUALLY need to take with me, because the amount of stuff on most of the American Mom Blogs TM that come up when you google seems like it would fill a suitcase, and NOT a small one)

Thank you so much

Not sure how much use this will be to you as my kids are now 9 and 7 but in brief, I think your experience will depend a lot on the hospital you are in.

I was on a maternity ward for DC1 after the birth, so just curtained off cubicles and i think maybe 4 cubicles but luckily not entirely full. DH couldn't stay.

With DC2 they had a maternity unit, so the room I gave birth in was then the room I stayed in. DH could have stayed but didn't as he had DC1 to look after. Think I stayed over 2 nights with DC1 and 1 night with DC2, although in reality I only needed 1 night with DC1 and didn't need to stay at all with DC2. I'd imagine with Covid they'll want you out as quickly as possible but they'll need to check you and baby are happy, baby is feeding well etc.

Again, in terms of what you can take there was very little room the first time round whereas the second time i had the whole room so could have taken loads. Just remember whatever you take though you've got to carry it, and a newborn when you leave!

Good luck and enjoy your baby.

Not a teen mum but I was 24 so quite young and the first of my friends. No one really ever told me about the afterbirth. I had a home birth so quite different in that I could have the injection to expel it. Def mention it for your birth plan so you're aware that after having a baby you basically give birth again to what feels like another baby! Just ask for the magic injection I couldn't have!

I think the best thing to know is that every experience is different, will depend on the hospital but also the delivery. When you get discharged will depend on how well you are doing, how well baby is doing, and how well feeding is going. If you don't breastfeed they will want to see baby take a bottle and if you are breastfeeding that it looks like the latch etc is good.

Are you planning hospital or home from home/midwife led unit? I had my three in a midwife led unit and for the first two was in the same room the whole time from when I arrived to when I was discharged. I was home within 24h with all of them.

In terms of bag, for my first I actually didn't have my bag with me til after the baby was born! I would pack like you are going for a sleepover at a friend's, comfy pjs, toiletries and slippers or flip flops for you and then some clothes and needles for the baby. Take some tiny and some slightly bigger stuff in case you have a big one!! A blanket and hat is useful too. Oh and a PHONE CHARGER!! They will have almost everything you will really need and there are shops in most hospitals anyway if you forget something.
Essential oils and your own Spotify playlist are all nice but not essential!!

Remember that when you are there you can ask for things, if the radio is on and bugging you or the lights are too bright it is ok to ask for them to be changed! Also go through your birth plan carefully with your partner and make sure he understands what it all means and what the options are too. He will be your advocate with the staff. If you need stitches they are usually done after the placenta has come out, in the same bed or room as baby is born. Good luck!! So exciting!

After the north I was left to get on with it for a fair bit. The midwife came round to help me get feeding going bit they don't really keep a track on how often you feed to the minute. Don't be afraid to ask for help or advice! I had good experiences in the midwife led unit but friends were not so happy with the postnatal wards. I think again it really depends on the hospital. I don't know how much experience you have around newborns but they are very sleepy! So you will be able to rest and have a shower etc afterwards. They bring you food at mealtimes to your room/bed. These days it's not like I'm the films, your baby stays with you the whole time so there's no nursery where they are all wheeled off to, they have these see through plastic cots that go by your bed. After you are discharged you need to take baby to the midwife for hearing test and check ups and then after a week or two you are discharged from midwife care to the health visitors who follow the kids for several years. They will visit your house for the first appointment usually, not sure how that works for covid. It is kind of because it is easier to not travel with a newborn but also to check for any safeguarding issues. They gave me good advice about changing positions when they saw my changing table was sideways on instead of with my standing st the baby's feet. They also like to speak to the mum alone so that there is the chance to talk about mental health and relationships. This is standard for everyone so don't worry if they are checking up on you specifically!

Congratulations on your baby! I had my first last April so I can tell you what it was like for me having a lockdown baby in hospital.

My birth partner was only allowed to stay for about 2 hours after DS was born, for this time we were in a room on the labour ward that had its own bathroom. One of the first things I did after giving birth (after holding DS for half an hour and breastfeeding for the first time) was shower. It felt so good to get clean & dressed. So if you're able to I really recommend getting a quick shower ASAP after the birth while your partner is still there to hold the baby.

After my birth partner went home me & baby got moved to postnatal ward, we walked there, i was pushing DS in the little plastic cot on wheels and a midwife brought my suitcase (yeah I had a big suitcase). I was sharing a room with 1 other woman & her baby. I'm not gonna lie, it was hard. I wasn't too freaked out at the thought of being left alone with the baby because I used to be a nanny, so I'd looked after lots of babies, but I got pretty much no sleep. DS would not sleep in the plastic cot for more than 15 mins at a time, which is totally normal for newborns, they usually want to be held all the time and don't sleep well in cots, but it's exhausting when there's nobody else to hold the baby for a bit.

How long you're in there for really depends on how the birth goes and how you & baby both are physically. I had a forceps delivery and went home about 30 hours later. My sister just had her second baby (natural unassisted birth in a birth centre) & went home after 5 hours. If you have an unplanned cesarean it could be 2-3 days.

The postnatal ward was too hot and there were loud beeping noises constantly and other babies crying and the other girl in my room phoning all her relatives one after the other, I hated it 😅 but most of the midwives were helpful and kind and it was nice getting brought 3 meals a day. In my hospital there was also a mini kitchen where mums could make themselves a cup of tea or make up bottles for the baby.

Back in Lockdown #1 my hospital weren't allowing visitors at all, so I tried to be prepared for a few days in hospital with nobody to bring me stuff from home, and I did end up taking a suitcase. I had about 4 changes of clothes for myself (all soft comfy baggy things), 8 vests & babygros for DS, a couple of little hats & blankets & muslins. A pack of newborn nappies, baby wipes, bum cream. Disposable pants & maternity pads & nipple cream for me. Little toiletries bag with shower gel, toothpaste, deodorant. Comfy slippers & dressing gown. Massive bag of snacks!! giving birth is like running a marathon & hospital meals are small. I took loads of cereal bars, dried fruit, babybels, chocolate, juice, lucozade, bottled water (its easiest to drink from a sports bottle when you're in labour). I breastfed so didn't have to worry about formula & bottles but if you're planning to bottle feed you need to take in your own, the hospital won't provide them. A phone charger and headphones so you can keep in touch with the outside world and block out the beeping noises. I took a wrap sling in case I needed to walk around with the baby on me instead of in the cot (one very old school midwife didn't like that lol). I think that was everything...

Good luck!!

Congratulations.
I had my first in may last year.
My partner was allowed during the labour and c section but once I was on the ward he couldn’t visit at all.
The midwives were amazing and they are there to help I asked so many questions even if I felt they were stupid. They aren’t so ask.
I had a C section so had to stay for one night but then I went home.
You need to take clothes for you and baby.
Think loose incase you are sore.
Shower gel tooth brush tooth paste etc
Hair brush shampoo incase your in a little longer
Brest pads and maternity pads
Nappies and wipes
Muslins
Knickers BIG knickers.
If you want to bottle feed you will need to pack the boxes of ready mades.
Snacks and energy drinks.
Phone charger
Make a list and check it and then check it again.
I think all hospitals are different but my DP was allowed to drop things off as I didn’t take my bag or anything with me.

This isn't what you asked but I just wanted to tell you that if you don't instantly love your baby, that's ok.

I didn't and thought I was a monster, it created horrible pnd but I've learnt that the 'rush of love' isn't actually that common.

These are the milks but you can get other brands. Also is there a check list for hospital bag in your maternity folder you got? If not boots do one online

Just wanted to say thank you for starting this thread OP - I’m 17 weeks (so early days) but I was panicking big time about this stuff. It’s so helpful, I’ve screenshotted some responses!

There is nothing like another women to ask advice from when it comes to pregnancy and babies especially with your first

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to me everyone!!! It's been really calming to read all the responses.
I'm planning a water birth in a midwife unit (I think that's what it's called?) because I've had sciatica and PGP and being in the water really helps. My partner is possibly more interested in the birth plan than I am- he's a worrier and likes to Google things and ask me about them in a slight frantic manner I'm really really hoping things go well, it's terrifying and it's not something any of my peers have any experience of so having the community of helpful ladies on here is really comforting and teaches me a lot. I’m not lacking in confidence when it comes to looking after him really, just the whole birth and hospital bit.

A few things from my first birth I wasn't prepared for or aware of (but don't forget it's different for everyone):

• 'pre-labour' was bloody painful and in my case took over 2 days to actually get to the active labour stage. Which was knackering.

• gas and air made me vomit for a minute at the beginning. And if you don't like the tube thing in your mouth (it made me gag) they can give you a mask instead which you can take on and off as you need

• take lucozade with you for the birth - for energy but also to help keep contractions going - mine started to slow at one point and the midwife advised me to drink it to see if that helped keep them going (it did)

• I had painful swollen piles after giving birth - which went after but I got a shock when I first encountered them 😳

• being stitched up was weirdly unpleasant even though it was numb. It gave me the heebie-jeebies!

• take a bottle or jug to pour lukewarm water over your bits for when you go to the loo after birth - really helps with the tenderness/stitches

• postnatal ward was noisy and hot

• lochia smells weird!

• that moment when you see your baby's little face for the first time is unbelievably amazing 🥰 😉

Congratulations on your baby!

I birth in September and my husband was able to visit for 2 hours per day. I was in for 5 days as I had an emergency c-section with severe complications. Generally, most people are out within 24-48 hours, all being well.

You can buzz for help if you need it but it can take a while for midwives to arrive. It was a ratio of around 33 women to 3 midwives when I was in hospital. If you need support then please do ask for it whilst you're there but generally you are expected to get on with it.

Take an eye mask and ear plugs as the post natal ward is a fresh level of hell for noise and light!

Take more pads than you think you need.

Flip flops.

If you want them, take all the drugs, an epidural is wonderful.

If you run out of maternity pads, baby nappies do the job fine.
After pains can be pretty strong, like a continuation of labour pains, take a supply of strong painkillers with you so you can keep on top of the pain if you need to.
You will be shattered beyond belief but will stay awake just to gaze at that little being you just brought into the world.

As mentioned pre labour was horrid and piled my god but the best advice I was given once it’s over it’s over.
I had gas and air and I was so sick and so out of it apparently I was completely naked I don’t remember 🤣🤣
All I’d say is no birth plan is set in stone changes may need to happen just be prepared for that too.
I had mine 8 months ago and had to sign a form to say I would consent to an epidural incase I was too tired to do this is labour. I was adamant I wouldn’t have one but I signed it on advice from others. Best thing I ever did I had one and it was amazing then I had a c section anyway.
Always ask on here I found mumsnet amazing for baby advice

Get some lactulose. Being constipated when you have just had a baby is a hell on earth you do not need

Also, don’t fixate on your birth plan. Mine went totally to shit with both of them and they are now 12 and 15 and awesome.

Congrats!

Catty's list is excellent. I'd add ear plugs and an eyemask - hospitals are noisy places, and I still remember the incredibly bright light they wheeled into the bay next to mine at about 3.00am so they could see properly to stitch the poor woman there! Possibly also a tablet, headphones and charger - you pay through the nose for hospital TV, but most hospitals now have free wifi, so you can stream stuff on a tablet (recently had a week in hospital with a bad infection - my ipad was a life-saver).

Maternity pads and big knickers are a must.

If you're not really that bothered about the birth plan it's fine to have one which simply says "whatever's needed to get me and my baby through this as safely and comfortably as possible." Mine was an ELCS for medical reasons, but go with what seems easiest at the time. I also remember the woman who came back post-birth to our amazingly crunchy natural birth yoga class (oh, the plans I had before I found myself with an ELCS) and said "I ended up having an epidural - and you know what? They're amazing. Really positive, pain-free birth experience." (I don't think it was quite what the yoga teacher was anticipating by way of post-birth stories ).

And totally agree with don't be shocked if you don't fall in love instantly. Some women get that post birth rush, others don't, some of us feel like we've been run over by a truck and mostly run round like a headless chicken thinking "oh my god, what have I done to my life?"

I've seen you're planning on a MLU which may be different but postnatal wards in hospitals are the hottest places on earth. Also after having a baby you can get really hot (like proper sweaty, hot flushes). My advice is pack a hand held fan (a battery operated one) in case the MLU is hot or you get transferred to hospital. I'd assume you'll be in for one night BUT pack for more, just in case. I was in a week after my first (but there were loads of complications I'm sure you won't have to deal with) and one night for my second (a planned c section).

Hope it goes well OP.

I was in my early 20s when I had my DC1 (now 6yo!). It sounds like you're doing well.

I wouldn't overthink the birth plan. Nothing went to plan for either of my labours. Take enough stuff for 3 days. Labour might take a while, if you're in longer than that someone can hopefully pop home and get you more stuff. Take food!!! I was so so hungry and you might miss meal times due to sleep / whatever.

And the drugs help, don't rule them out but let it be your choice.

And oh my gosh completely agree with the lactose.
Post birth constipation was extremely painful. And it's very common. Take as much as you can!

No real advice but congratulations and I wish you and your boyfriend all the luck in the world.

I was a much older mum (35 and 37) and had two very different experiences. Definitely don’t count on midwives helping afterwards but they will if they can. I was in for about 36 hours after birth the first time but about 12 the second time. In both cases though I felt it was broadly up to me. Midwives during the actual Labour and birth were terrific. I had some complications first time and docs rushed in and got the baby out and although I think it was quite a serious situation I never panicked (and am a panicky person). Take as little as possible due to room more than anything. You can always send your dp out to get stuff if needed.

If you’re staying with your parents then possibly not needed but batch cooking and freezing good food ahead of the Birth so that we didn’t have to cook was a brilliant idea for us. If we hadn’t done that we would have had takeaway every night.

Ps as a general rule when you’re in active labour midwives don’t leave other than to maybe get something/someone. Once baby has arrived they leave you to it!

Hi OP,

I had my first baby in April 2020 so he was a lockdown baby. I was terrified of the idea sea staying in overnight on my own (I'm just one of those people who likes their own space and surroundings) but it honestly wasn't that bad.

I had to go down to theatre after giving birth as I had a severe tear, by the time they finally got me there it was 12 hours after birth at 2am. Coming out of theatre baby was placed in my arms and we were wheeled over to the ward where I was given a piece of toast and then went to sleep. To be honest me and baby were that tired we slept till 7 then the nurses/midwives would come check on us and go through the usual procedures. All the ladies on the ward were lovely and because we were all in same position spent the day talking with our curtains open ect it was a lovely experience and so glad I did have to stay in bed o be honest although couldn't wait to get home once discharged !!! 😂