Should I complain about my NHS birth experience and postnatal care?

[unsuremum11]

Apologies for the length of this post but I feel that I need to give details so that you can understand what happened and why I am considering making a complaint about my recent birth experience in an NHS hospital.

I was admitted to hospital due to my waters breaking prematurely and continuous heavy bleeding. My baby was delivered that night (4 weeks premature). I had a c-section and there was more staff banter during the procedure than I would have liked, which left me feeling obligated to laugh along at the surgeon’s jokes etc when all I really wanted to do was be calm and quiet and await the arrival of my baby! Thankfully the staff were all nice though and the c-section was straightforward. We heard our baby cry as she was being born but then the crying stopped. Minutes passed and I knew it was not a good sign that my baby had not been handed to me. Eventually I asked the anaesthetist what was happening and he told me that my baby was having trouble breathing but that the doctors were helping. After an agonising wait of several minutes we got to see DC and moved to recovery. Later I found out that DC had to be resuscitated and that was what caused the delay.

We were moved to the ward and I struggled to breastfeed as my baby could not latch. Some of the midwives were quite impatient with me/us about this and one expressed colostrum from my nipples quite aggressively and did not stop when I said she was hurting me. I was shown lots of different breastfeeding positions and techniques by several different midwifes and lost count of the number of staff who watched me breastfeeding over the first two days and gave advice. I felt that they were all expecting a lot from a premature baby who couldn’t latch and on day two I asked for and was provided with formula to give DC as I wanted to make sure my baby was fed one way or another. My gut feeling was that the breastfeeding wasn’t going to work. I felt I had tried my best and was starting to get stressed out by all the “help” I was being given with it.

We were due to be discharged on day 3 and DC had thorough checks including documenting birth marks, blood sugar and was weighed (all okay) and we were told all was good. Then a new midwife arrived on shift when we were waiting to be discharged and told me that she had concerns about discharging us as I hadn't "established breastfeeding" yet. I explained that we were giving DC formula in addition to expressed colostrum and that I had had a lot of advice and help with breastfeeding technique and positions from the midwives already without success. I explained that I planned to continue doing lots of skin to skin and trying to establish breastfeeding at home, where I hoped baby and I would also be more relaxed. I said that I was happy to continue with formula and see how it went with the breastfeeding at home. The midwife said that she was not happy with this plan and that she strongly recommended I stay in hospital until breastfeeding was “established”. At this point I asked what my rights were with regard to discharging myself and baby as I really wasn't happy with the care I was receiving or the attitude of the midwife and felt like I was being treated as if I'd done something wrong by not being able to breastfeed and supplementing with formula. I did eventually agree to stay another night but by this point I hadn’t slept in 48 hours and was starting to get very tearful and have panic attacks due to the issues I’d had with the staff. I had been expecting a visit on the ward from someone from the perinatal mental health team due to my existing anxiety (this had been agreed as part of my birth plan) but nobody came, despite me asking to be seen by someone. Later that night I asked to be seen by a different midwife than the one who had issues with discharging us and we were discharged with no issues the next morning.

Then, the morning after we were discharged from hospital, a midwife came to our home for a standard check but ended up raising a safeguarding concern because she thought our baby's Mongolian blue birthmarks could be bruises, as the previous midwives/doctors hadn’t documented the birthmarks in her notes. My partner and I were very frustrated by this as we had actually asked doctors and midwives about these birthmarks immediately after DC was born and had also discussed them with one of the midwives who did all the checks prior to discharge. This midwife who did our baby’s checks documented two of our baby's other birthmarks but it turns out she didn't document all of them. As the visiting midwife thought they could be bruises we were ordered to attend A&E immediately. I hadn’t even unpacked my hospital bags at this point. She called ahead to the hospital explaining she was raising a safeguarding concern due to unexplained bruises. It felt like we were being accused of abuse. In shock we drove back to the hospital as instructed and made our way to A&E. I never expected to be sitting in an A&E waiting room with my newborn baby under such circumstances but that's what happened. Finally after several hours back at hospital doctors accepted they were not bruises but birthmarks. We have since attended hospital again to have the birthmarks photographed and officially documented.

I know the midwives on the ward were probably well meaning re: breastfeeding and the one who raised a safeguarding concern was just doing her job. It wasn't her fault that the previous midwives and doctors had not documented them as they should have. I saw the same midwife a few days later and she gave me a hug and apologised for all the stress caused. She suggested that I make a complaint as she felt it was wrong that other birthmarks had been documented in our DC’s notes but that the Mongolian blue ones that could potentially be mistaken for bruises were not documented. I was concerned that there would be a record of the safeguarding concern forever on our notes and having "attended a&e due to unexplained bruising" is not something we wanted on our records. The midwife said that she would contact the safeguarding team and later on called me to confirm that the safeguarding record had been deleted.

The whole experience really negatively impacted me and I have had postnatal anxiety and low mood. I expect I may have experienced these anyway but my experiences in hospital certainly didn’t help. Do you think it would be worth complaining to the hospital or should I just try and move on?

Hi I don't know about complaining, it's ultimately up to you. I had my baby 5 months ago and got talked into being induced. After he was born I had a lot of midwives help me to breastfeed but he didn't always latch properly. He lost almost the maximum amount of weight but they were more concerned about my blood results as I had obstetric cholestasis which is why I was induced. The liver scan they booked me (protocol for OC) was forgot about so they effectively discharged my baby but wanted me to stay for that. I refused as there was nothing wrong with me. One midwife said I could go home then the night staff tried bullying me into staying. As soon as I told her I'm a nurse and actually I can go home they bent over backwards to apologise and got the DR to do the scan as an outpatient appointment at a later date. They also only documented a few of the bruises caused by forceps and he also has birthmarks under his chin which I had to keep point out to health professionals at each appointment as they weren't documented. They are still there so obviously birthmarks not bruises. Similar sort of birth story to you in those ways. I hope you're ok. You tried your best with breastfeeding also so don't let anyone make you feel guilty

If you do make a complaint I would keep it about the recording of the birth marks and that no one from the MH team came to see you. PALS are very helpful.
I think the complaint about the banter between the operating staff is a non issue. The issue regarding the breast feeding is a bit of a strange one as most people complain they don't have enough support. They shouldn't have forced you to stay in if the only reason was due to bf but to be honest I don't think offering patients extra time to establish bf is a bad thing.

Oh and I FF so please don't read my response as forcing BF down people's throats.

Ah sorry OP, it sounds like it was a really horrible experience for you. You can request a debrief which is sometimes quite useful in helping to come to terms with things a bit more, or of course PALS if you did want to make a complaint. They are listened to, and it helps to inform training etc for the department, and not to get people in trouble etc; so they are definitely useful, but only if you feel like you would also benefit from it. Either way, hope you're okay

Yes. Please do at least ensure this is given as feedback - if you DM me I can try to put you in touch with your local Maternity Voices Partnership (most areas have them), who will definitely want this feedback so it can be communicated.

I’d complain about not documenting the birth marks definitely

That sounds awful OP. I know several people who couldn't breastfeed try as they might. I do think that many medics just seem to think that everyone can do it if they try hard enough but I really don't think that's the case. Getting bullied when you were trying your best is the last thing you needed when you had just given birth.

Agree with a previous poster. If you are making a complaint I'd make it about the non documented birth marks. Banter is a non issue (unless they were bantering about you). The midwife who reported the safeguarding issue apologised and she was just doing her job. People were just trying to help you breastfeed however you might want to bring up the midwife who wouldn't discharge you because you weren't breastfeeding.

OMG my baby was severely bruised/marked due to the delivery none of her facial/head bruising was documented. Some of the reasons for the bruising was nhs failings/one size fits all. I had a meeting with the consultant who was in charge of my care and the senior midwife to get across my points. It helped me to move on being heard. It's been a hard long journey though

Agree with pp.

The banter thing is a bit difficult, you can’t really dictate a surgeons bedside manner where that could easily have been to put you at ease. I know you might not have felt able to but had they known you weren’t comfortable with it I’m sure they would have stopped.

I had an assisted birth and my own DC was whisked away. I also needed some care and I guess they are just focusing on the task at hand. It was a bit unnerving but I know it was done in the best interests of my baby and myself. I still don’t really know why he was whisked off, I wasn’t in a state to ask at the time though I did clock onto it.

Re the breastfeeding support, it doesn’t sound ideal but does sound like a misunderstanding and most women need and want the support.

Then birthmark issue is the thing that stands out to me as wrong, so I would raise that if anything.

Hope you’re doing ok. Sounds like the experience was a lot to process for you. Enjoy your new baby.

My baby had bruises and cuts from delivery and it was really well documented before he left. He’s got a scar now and the pictures in the red book have been checked several time’s fine verify where it’s from.

I feel really silly for the way I worded my question. I know I can't complain about staff banter. I think maybe I posted this is a birth story as I wanted some validation that the care I received wasn't optimal
but I probably shouldn't need to ask Mumsnet for that! Apologies for wasting anyone's time, I won't be making a complaint but may well offer feedback, as a couple of posters have suggested. Thank you for all who answered my (rather poorly worded) question.

Make a PALS complaint about the birth marks and the perinatal mental health team non-attendance and ask for a birth reflections session to discuss your birth. I had twins and had a reflections session a while after discharge with a MW as there was a lot of issues with how my labour had been handled initially. Going over the notes as to what happened and why was really helpful, and it's in that environment that you can bring up the banter amongst your labour team. They will also explain more fully what happened around your premature birth etc as well, give you a chance to ask questions. It might also be the environment to bring up breast feeding as well. The issues I discussed were fed back to the MW team and I did get an apology that they didn't handle my labour as well as they should have done, lessons learned moving forward etc. But just the discussion made me feel a lot better about it as I was able to discuss it with a professional rather than moaning at DH about it.

I think you should make a complaint about the birth marks.

I just wanted to add that I had my son by csection and the same happened to us where he cried once and then stopped. He then needed to be resuscitated but I didn’t know what was going on because obviously I was on the operating theatre and no one would tell me what was happening. It was the longest 8 minutes of my life and the fact that no one would tell me what was happening made it so much worse. No advice but I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone in that

Sorry I haven't engaged with all the detail but as someone who is 7 years on I really regret not making a complaint about aspects of care I received. Make the complaint in a calm balanced way and hopefully it can help you heal and move on x

@CleverQuacks It really is a frightening experience isn't it? Sorry you went through it too.

I am of course grateful that my DC was given excellent medical attention and perhaps it wouldn't have helped me to know exactly what was happening at the time either.

I would raise a concern that the bruises were not documented correctly which caused unnecessary stress. It could be a learning opportunity for staff to ensure it doesnt happen to another family. I'm sorry you've had a bit if a rubbish start but hope you are enjoying your little one. I had PROM and my dc was born at 36 weeks, we also had trouble latching. I had a procedure done on my heart and the banter going on between staff was hard to listen to when I was lying on a table feeling terrified. The staff were completely ignoring me until I said I was also a nurse. Nothing better for a nurse than being a patient yourself so you know how it feels.

I know where you are coming from with the banter, but I also wouldn't complain about that (unless it was inappropriate), but I had the same in the ambulance, I was transferred from the birthing centre to hospital. There was me lying naked and feeling very vulnerable, and they were charging about bloody going out on the lash and getting drunk. They were just trying to talk about something to take my mind off it I'm sure, but there was the midwife in the back, a student and a paramedic, and then obviously the driver was at the front; but I felt so claustrophobic and it was horrible. In surgery they talked me through who everyone was and what was going on, I would have felt the same as you.

Hi
Firstly I'm sorry you went through this. Childbirth is generally a traumatic experience and the postnatal care is always a bit of a rough ride in my experience. It sounds fairly standard though if I'm honest. I just had my 2nd emergency c section a week ago and my second child is 6 weeks early just like my first. The joking in theatre is really aimed to relax you and assure you that everything is going smoothly. I'm sorry that your baby needed resuscitation, mine too had breathing difficulties but they did a good job and they rightly focused on your baby and now your baby is doing fine.
With regard to breast feeding, I'm currently going through this for the second time. Midwives watching over me, some hand expressing painfully for me too, and yes just getting a teeny amount of milk to start with, it's all normal practice I'm afraid although I understand there's no privacy or dignity. My wee girl is currently only 4lb 3oz and in special care and like my last, they won't let her go home until feeding is established and quite rightly so. All very similar to your experience.
However if I were in the lady's shoes that raised a safeguarding issue, in all honestly I would do the same. I think she was just doing her job and although she probably didn't want to do it, she just couldn't take the risk of ignoring it. As for complaining, it's up to you. It's an over-sight on the ward staff's part. Why don't you consider just telling them what you think instead of making it formal? I think that's what I would do. I do find the NHS postnatal care a bit crap and I'm in a different hospital this time round too. I have low expectations lol! But my point is, other than then not documenting the birth marks, everything sounds normal. Heck your section sounded better than mine, I was screaming through theatre it was awful!! They wanted to knock me out but apparently it's not safe with Covid around at the moment! So they gave me strong hallucinogenic drugs instead that sent me to a different planet!

There seems to be a few different experiences here 1) the traumatic birth 2) the aftercare 3) the birthmark issue. If one had happened without the other would you feel as traumatised? I can see how 1 on its own would be very traumatic but perhaps not one for complaint as the staff were just dealing with the emergency on their hands. I would, however, feel traumatised by that event unrelated to staff actions. 2) I would think that having 1) happen to you, you are already feeling vulnerable and weak so I would agree what happened was not the best way to deal with it. I completely agree that trying to breastfed under pressure is definitely not going to make you feel relaxed and able to do it. Much better to discharge and refer to breastfeeding councillor/be kept under hv for weight monitoring. 3) Again tricky as the midwife was just acting on what she saw but agree the hospital should have documented it all much better. All this just highlights how under pressure the service is and how things slip.
If this had happened to me (and I did have a traumatic first birth which gave me ptsd) I would have written it all down objectively, got in touch with pals or whatever system the hospital has and asked to speak to someone to chat through it all. I was offered a debrief so they could explain everything that had happened to me and baby. Admittedly it was the birth only and my downhill progress after that that went wrong but still it was helpful to have it all documented and explained, for me to ask questions and to give my view. It also stood me in good stead for baby number two as they had a comprehensive record of everything and the obs surgeon was amazing. She wanted to meet with me and discuss any worries and talk me thorough what would happen if it did go all tits up again (it didn't). Anyway, the debrief helped a bit but also some counselling helped me too. I think I tried to sweep it under the carpet but it was only a few years later that I was able to deal with it properly and put it to rest.
Anyway hugs to you. I read so many traumatic stories and feel so sad that women have such negative experiences in hospital. What I am trying to say is yes get it all written down when you are not angry tired etc and then get in touch with the hospital to talk about it.

I would possibly complain about the birthmarks but the rest of it just sounds standard care to me.

I had a theatre forceps delivery, I was chatting and joking with the team throughout. I enjoyed it, there was a good atmosphere and it never occurred to me to ask them to stop

@slimecentury Thank you so much for your thoughtful and kind reply, I think you have helped me make sense of why the whole experience left me feeling traumatised. You're right; it's the combination of factors and how vulnerable and fragile
I felt as a result of the traumatic birth (which is nobody's fault, it was all just very scary from the very beginning when I realised I was heavily bleeding at home). Obviously it was traumatic when my baby stopped breathing but again nobody's fault and I'm grateful that the staff focused on the resuscitation as they probably saved my baby's life. I'm not going to make a complaint but may give feedback about the care on the ward and lack of birthmark documentation. I think it was a case of me feeling vulnerable and then the insensitive care on the ward and subsequent stress with the birthmarks/safeguarding added to the stress. The midwife who raised the concern was just doing her job and I certainly would not have complained about her, I told her at the time that in her shoes I would have done the same thing. I just wish they'd documented it all correctly so that we didn't have to go through it all.

I agree that nothing except perhaps the lack of documentation of the birth marks is complaint-worthy.

Thanks again for being so empathic and thoughtful and helping me to make sense and unpack it all.

I was chatting and joking with the team throughout. I enjoyed it, there was a good atmosphere and it never occurred to me to ask them to stop hmm

So because you didn't mind, everyone is fine with it? Pretty sure that's not how it works

Yes I would. The bullying culture of breast is best/failing to remind you that you can self discharge at any time unless you're severely unwell and the poor communication between midwives would be a start.

In regards to breast feeding or formula its entirely your choice. I choose to formula feed from before I had DC. I told this to the midwives and they were fine. You've just got to stand your ground!