appointment with consultant after 4th degree tear... completey extremely scared! what questions do i need to ask

[kittenbaby]

hi im dreading my apointment with consultant on thu about my 4th degree tear in childbirth

anyone thats been though this
what questions should i ask

this is what ive thought of so far

1. why do you think this happened
2. could of it been avoided
3. how will it effect me in the future
4. future children cs or vaginal
5. when will i stop being in pain
6. when will i stop having nightmares over this ?[could be difficult to answer ,i know]

can you think of any others

Message for Spudballoo

Sorry didn't reply earlier, I'm not on here a lot. Feel free to ask anything you like about reversal. I don't have CAT and not happy to post email on the forum. I am a member of ostomyland (not good with links, does come up on google) and there is a private message facility on there, I have the same username. You may find the site very useful anyway.

Kittenbaby, sorry again for diverting your thread and good luck with your appointment.

sorry haven't looked at childbirth threads for a while. I just wanted to say that although I only had a 3rd degree tear, I have had some complications that have also meant it's been hard to deal with appointments and specialists. I would strongly recommend getting your notes and going through it all with someone such as your MW, as this can be very helpful in helping you cope with everything that has happened. Though sometimes there aren't easy answers.

The nightmares are difficult, and maybe you should bring this up at your appointment or with your GP, as it can mean that you may have post traumatic stress which is best dealt with through counselling. If they offer you ultrasound for the scarring, take it! I found it so very very helpful.

Who would I have to request my notes off? I think this would help me.

umm, I am in New Zealand so I am not sure how it works over there. You probably have to ask and then sign a release form, and there may be a cost involved. Maybe ask your GP the best way to get them.

It can definitely help to go thru your notes, but be prepared as it can also be upsetting in that it brings it all back. I would suggest talking to your GP about this and see what they suggest as the best option for getting the notes. I know I have read a lot of posts here and elsewhere about women who felt that reading through the notes helped them come to terms with what happened.

I also didn't say that noone can really tell you how long you will be sore as it can vary so much. They usually give you the average but it isn't uncommon to take months, if not the better part of a year. For me it's now 18 months and I am just starting to get back into a normal routine again though some things are still on hold, but my case has had some unusual complications. It may take time, but things will improve. It's so important to realise you aren't alone in this. It's ok to feel angry, scared or whatever.

Your question about future children via CS or vaginal is very personal, and only you can really make that choice. Most medical professionals would suggest CS, and that is the only way I would consider another now (and that's still a big IF for me).

thank you so much to everyone that replied to me
just wanted to let you know how it went
i was so scared i was feeling sick and crying it was v painful and i was very sore but at least ive stopped feeling sick

hopefully ill be ok now the consultant said that theres a lot of scar tissue there which will be painful for me esp when having sex etc [ i dont know yet as im too scared to try or even be touched tbh ] but that the muscle tone was very good, said he'd give the muscle tone 10 out of 10 which is good as thats whats important continence wise
he askeed me how many children i had and if i wanted anymore at this point i also staring crying again [ bet he thought oh god we've got a right on here lol]
i said well i only ever wanted one or two so im not sure
he said if i do have anymore children i should have a cs
which i already ben told by the main surgeon that did the reconstruction/repair operation
and my gp
so this wasnt a suprise that the consultant also said this to me,but kinda made me feel a bit sad and worried
but i dont really know why

he could say why he thought this had happened
but as dh there scared to tell u if anything did go wrong incase you sue them

thanks for so so so much for all your support it helped so much when i was sooo scared

So pleased to hear that it went well kittenbaby.

I wish you all the best for the future.

Hi Kittenbaby - so glad it was alright. On and up from now on then! Have a look at some of the elective cesearean threads on here - most are really encouraging. So, never say never, just take it one step at a time. Really glad you feel a bit better about the whole thing.

Don't worry about the intimate side of things too much. I was shaking, literally my knees were knocking together when we finally got 'romantic', i was so nervous, but it was better than expected, and better over time. So don't worry too much, take your time and when you're ready, relax. Have a tipple before hand! x

Hi Spudballoo, I've had a colostomy and reversal following a fourth degree tear, and will be happy to answer any questions you have.