Do I have a say in whether the midwife checks how far I’m dilated?

[LibbyAshleigh]

So, I know how they check the dilation of the cervix when a woman is in labour. And I am in no way comfortable with that, I can’t express how much I don’t want them to do that when I go into labour. I’ve been told ‘oh you won’t care when you’re actually going through it’ but I 100% know I’ll very much care. I read that it’s a routine thing to check but it isn’t mandatory, but I was wondering if anyone else has had an experience with this? Has anyone else felt the same way?

But routine checking isn’t necessarily ‘best for the health of the baby’, there’s a PP from an actual midwife explaining that it isn’t essential and any good midwife can support women who don’t want them done. I just think that attitude is shaming to women, many who have survived rape and sexual assault, as somehow saying they are putting their baby second for their own needs.

It’s not helpful to apply your own risk assessment to other women. For some women, her assessment of the risks to her own mental or physical health outweigh the risks that come about through not being examined vaginally. For other women, the reverse is true. The guilt-tripping is not helpful - what women need is a clear and impartial assessment of the advantages, risks and alternatives to procedures offered under their own individual circumstances

I didn't have any examinations during labour. I wasn't against them at all and earlier in the day I'd had a second sweep, but during the labour (home birth) the midwives came and I told them my contractions had changed to pushing and they just let me carry on with it.

Go into labour with an open mind, you might not need examinations and you absolutely can say no to anything offered. It's your choice, you might choose during labour that you need to know what's going on down there for the safety of your baby and yourself.

I cannot have examinations done the first one I had done I was held down by mum and a midwife and forced into having it, my vagina literally closed and they still forced there hands up there it left me so distressed they was actually unable to even see if I was dilated it was fucking horrific I was 21 at time time. Because they couldn't tell if I was dilated or not they then said I wouldn't be able to handle labour and then refused to help me when I said I was in labour and needed to push 30 minutes later and more a less laughed they even bought doctors in the room to tell me to calm down and that I wasn't ready yet. I kicked my leg back and her head was out I was still on the maternity ward where this all happened. Chaos ensued and I was rushed to delivery in a wheelchair and my DD was born. It left me so upset and angry it affected how I bonded with my DD for weeks after.

With my DS they tried to do it again saying they had no choice but to check me I have precipate labour so I go 0-100 in minutes within 15 minutes of that first pain my son was born yet again they had tried to tell me I wasn't in labour and I was being dramatic because I refused an internal.

I'm now due again and this time I am not letting them do it and I do feel more informed now on my choices I've had to have counselling to overcome what that midwife did and my own mum.

I don't believe them doing internals are for the benefit of the mother at all I met a nice midwife after who said they can go from other things instead of just checking you internally.

anitagreen I'm so sorry you were subjected to that. That is horrendous. How dared they treat you like that?

I felt the same about catheters op. I didn't write a birth plan apart from writing in big letters NO CATHETERS. Still ended up having one without even being consulted about it (birth interventions) made the midwife take it out, against medical advice, as soon as I discovered it. I survived but still shudder at the thought of it 14 years later. Still, maybe it prevented a ruptured bladder (doubt it).

anitagreen

Was this in the UK? I midwife held you down and examined you against your will?

If this was the case I think this goes beyond medical negligence and into assault. Honestly, I would leapfrog the complaint procedure and go to the police about this.

@KenDodd Yes in 2015 was awful they said they had to do it otherwise more a less the baby would die i blame my mum more than the midwives because I never wanted her there in the first place and she practically bullied me in to it kicking and screaming telling me the same as what they did was a shit shit experience

@littlecabbage Thankfully I've move past it now but at the time I think it 100% contributed to the way I felt after birth I couldn't bond for about 6-7 weeks. I was really angry and tearful and assumed every labour would be like that, it was only when I had counselling after I found out actually it doesn't need to be like that

@anitagreen I’m glad you had counselling and have been able to move forwards after this experience. All the best for your upcoming birth.

You have a say, and it should be respected. But not all medical professionals are decent people and I would make it very clear to everyone (especially a birth partner if you have one) that examination without consent is abuse and will be reported as such.

I've had a forced VE (not related to childbirth) and it was horrific and made worse by being dismissed. Personally I was okay with it in labour but only because it was made very clear that it was my choice - you might not be and that's okay. I still nearly involuntarily kicked the midwife in the face when she first tried - so don't let anyone say you won't care.

But they can refuse certain treatment if you decline, pain relief options will be limited as they won't know what's appropriate, you may not be admitted to the labour ward (they can't force you to go home though), and you may not be able to remain in a birth centre.

Also if this is about being examined rather than about checking dilation, you need to think about how you feel about being checked for tears too.

I had 2 home births where I wasn't checked at all. And one birth where I was checked on arrival at the midwife led centre and then not again. My priority was to have low intervention births as much as possible and so the checks were kept to a minimum. It might be different if you want pain relief medication or need an induction or other form of intervention.

Remember though it might not go to plan- and if it doesn't you'll just get on with whatever is needed, and you won't care as long as your baby is OK- other people are right!!

anitagreen I'm really glad someone told you that that was wrong to have happened and that you've been able to move on. I want you to know that sharing that horrific experience helps others to move on too.

Surely they need to know at some point though?

Not necessarily. I had a midwife-led birth with my second baby and I wasn't checked at any point. In a straightforward birth it is quite obvious when the woman is fully dilated and ready to push, because the body takes over and it happens almost automatically. The only monitoring they did was regularly listening to baby's heartbeat through my tummy.