Ex wants to be at the birth but I don’t want him there

[Sleepyhead19]

Hi all, my ex partner was at he birth of my son 6 years ago. He had no clue whatsoever about pregnancy or birth. I really mean no idea too! His excuse was men didn’t need to know. He made me feel very uncomfortable about things naturally occurring during a very traumatic labour. I was embarrassed. He still makes me feel that way and has joked about it. I can take a joke, but there are some things that just don’t need to be joked over.
Anyway, I’m expecting again and he’s going to leave but thinks he can force me to let him be at the birth. I already have severe anxiety over the birth due to 3 awful births previously and it’s just adding to it. I can’t face the thought of him being there knowing he doesn’t love me, hasn’t supported me this far in the pregnancy and didn’t want the baby when I told him about it. He still has no idea what a birth partner does despite me trying to tell him, and other than the end result producing a baby, he has no idea about birth either. I would much rather have the baby alone, safe in the knowledge that I didn’t need to feel self conscious. I think giving birth is such a personal thing and I don’t want to be worried about doing it simply because he is standing over me. I am happy for him to see the child as soon as I have cleaned up and showered.
I don’t think any midwife would allow him to be there if I did not want him to be, but am I right? He’s even talked about going to court over it.

he definitely cannot get a court order to come to the birth, if he’s really serious and keeps saying it then tell him to speak to cab or a solicitor and they will put him straight! They will laugh at him!
I’d probably say get him to move out now if you’re able to. If he leaves then there’s less chance he’ll be at the birth.
If you don’t want him there, that’s fine. It won’t affect him bonding, he’s got the rest of the babies life to bond. Depending on how you feel he can always come and see the baby on the day if you recover ok and feel up to it.

Oh also, just as an extra comfort to you - have you ever been to a maternity unit when you aren't the one in labour? If you go there when you're not the one having a baby and are aware of your surroundings you will notice that they have really sharp security. If someone isn't supposed to be there then believe me, they will not get in. If they do manage to sneak in somehow it is taken very seriously and dealt with quickly.

They have these sorts of procedures to protect the babies but also to protect the mothers. They are quite used to situations like yours where an entitled prick thinks he has the right to force his unwanted presence on you during a very intimate time. Honestly, he won't get anywhere near you.

I'm still laughing about the court order. What a fucking idiot he is

He's a right prick isn't he. Cares so much about the baby he just has to be at the birth but evidently doesn't care enough to make his relationship with his baby's mother work. He's not a doting dad in waiting. He's a controlling bully. Stand your ground and tell him to get fucked.

@Sleepyhead19 he won't take you to court, I promise. He's being an arse. You'll need to prepare mentally, for when you go into labour (as far as you can haha) will he be about ? Will he take you ? Who do you need to tell in advance that he's not to be there ? I imagine if you're not strong at the time (priority will be birthing) you may relent.

You absolutely should follow your instincts, it's your choice who is with you. Ensure maternity staff are aware of your decision, so there is no slip up with letting him in. Have someone with you for support ( a friend, relative or doula) and a good back up for babysitting your other children, so you can relax and focus on birth 💚