First baby and scared

[PhoebeBear]

I'm only 23+1 so I have a while to go get and I'm trying not to think so much about labour but when I do it really scares me. I know everyone's different and everyone's experience is different too..
In my head I'd love to do a water birth as I've heard so many good stories from people but then I'm scared I'll chicken out and want a epidural.. I haven't taken up any classes yet but I will do once I'm offered them.
What was your experience?x

Do a hypnobirthing course. Positive birth company online one is £35.

The more you can go into birth and motherhood feeling relaxed and informed, the better.

I think labour's a bit like periods, for most people it's either fine or you need a tiny bit of help, it's not exactly fun and balloons but not terrible either. Only a very small proportion of women have serious problems. Don't get the risks out of proportion.

Nothing to add, but I'm 30 weeks pregnant with my first baby and I'm very scared too - so just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

I had no birth plan except wanting a water birth if possible. The contractions are much worse than the actual birth (in my experience). Once you’re given the go to push it’s a different feeling. Gas and air is your friend and the pool is amazing but honestly, overall, it wasn’t half as bad as I expected. Breathing around rectangles abs being on all fours helped me when I was labouring at home.

Nothing wrong with an epidural if you want it and need it. Don't be hero! You don't get a medal for trying to do it without any pain relief.

I had gas and air, diamorphine and then a spinal due to a forceps delivery. Ask for anti sickness medication along side G&A and diamorphine as it can make you feel sick.
I am full healed without any issues from my forceps delivery and feel I had a good experience despite ending up in theatre.

I think the first time can feel scary cos you don't know what to expect or how you will cope but it isn't sudden, it builds up and you can decide when enough is enough and you need a bit more assistance. Good luck!

Gas and air is amazing!! thoughts around the actual birth are scary but try not to dwell on it, and I tell you this having had 3 babies all with very different births... the feeling when you have pushed your baby out is the best! It all just faded away for me as this lovely little bundle is given to you... Everyone has the feelings you're having, even as I was desperate to get my first out (overdue and massive, v uncomfortable) I was scared of the actual giving birth bit, but it was ok and I got through it as you will. Then you have your lovely baby.

Oh and I had 2 epidurals with first 2 vaginal deliveries and a c section with the third. Still the same amazing feeling.

As another has suggested, look into hypnobirthing. I bought a CD off of Amazon with my first, and although I didn't actually properly practice it, I found the theory behind it fascinating, it gave me a totally different view of labour.

I think that, combined with a friend who was so positive about labour, meant I actually really enjoyed the experience! Painful yes, but honestly, just a fantastic experience. I loved labour, both times and would love to do it again.

I had gas and air which is amazing. Honestly, look forward to that stuff! My husband said it sounds like the description of Ether in "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" and when he showed me the clip it was bang on! My mouth had a mind of its own, whilst my mind cringed (and laughed) at what was coming out of it.

It's really not that bad, please don't panic. If you need an epidural, get the epidural.

But the best advice I can give is to just try and relax and go with it. The more worked up you let yourself get, the harder it'll be. We were built for this! Our bodies know what they're doing so don't fight it, let it do its thing.

🥰

I just gave birth 5 days ago to my first baby. Induced at 37+5 and like you spent a lot of pregnancy really scared of the birth.

Yes it was painful but by the time I didn't feel I could cope there was pain relief options available. I tried pethidine and found I got no relief from it but I progressed rather quickly so I think that was why. The midwives were surprised I didn't get a chance to sleep after getting it because most do.

Gas and air was great and I still used it after getting the epidural because it didn't relieve the pressure for me and I wasn't totally numb. Would recommend both anyway, the epidural really helped me relax and enjoy the birth. Induction to birth was 12 hours. Went from 3cm to 8cm in an hour so epidural was necessary for me!

The second the baby was out I asked my husband why we hadn't had a baby sooner and that I would happily do it 10 times over. The pain is nothing in comparison to the feeling of seeing your baby being born.

And I say that while sitting here with an ice pack on my bits 😁

@mrsk28 Congrats to you! ❤️
That makes me feel a bit better- I know I'm over thinking it all just trying to calm my nerves lol

@PhoebeBear no problem, if you have any questions feel free to message me!

Not going to lie as it is very painful BUT the pain disappears almost instantly once baby is out and I personally didn't find it anywhere near as bad as breaking my leg, rather have a baby than do that again 😁
Some women do have problems but it's quite rare, usually by the time you get to the really painful part you're right at the finishing line anyway and baby is on its way out.
If you need it then take the drugs, yes it is lovely being able to give birth without but no ones going to judge you for using pain relief, that's what it was invented for!
Try to move around as much as you feel able to, helps baby drop faster and speeds up labour. I spent most of my early labours bouncing on a yoga ball and floating about in a bath.
You can do this 👍

I've just had DD2 - she's 4 weeks. My advice is to just go with the flow, I didn't do any classes or anything with either as I didn't want to set my heart on having a certain type of birth. Birth 1 was lovely and MWL, my most recent birth was a lot more stressful and resulted in assisted delivery. The only request I had was NO epidural- the rest just happened.

Please try not to worry about it - don't listen to other people's horror stories, it really isn't that bad.

I had my first baby in January. Hes 11 weeks today and he was born at 37 weeks exactly. I was like you in that I was terrified but I had a really good first birth. The pain was hard but I managed. I kept getting comments at work about being too small for a vaginal delivery which made me really worried - i-m 5,1 and usually a size 6-8 though moved up to a 8-10 during pregnancy so this was a main worry. I thought I was too small to have a normal delivery as a result. However it was unfounded. As @snowone said just go with it. Hypnobirthing didn't work for me and although I originally wanted a water birth, when I was pushing I couldn't move and just wanted to get him out. When you have contractions you literally just focus on getting through and you won't be thinking out about anything else. The best feeling for me was when i finally managed to get him out. The relief experienced was nothing like I'd ever felt before.

It’s completely natural to be scared of giving birth - you’ve never done anything like it before and it hurts like hell! My mum said to me “look, it does really hurt but it’s only for a day and then you get to meet your baby” and I kept repeating that to myself, which helped. As it happened I had a really straightforward labour with both my DC - with DC1 I didn’t realise how far along I was and arrived at the hospital begging for drugs only to find I was fully dilated and they didn’t have time to fill the bath for a water birth - but that was pure luck and nothing else. My young, healthy, hypnobirthing yoga teacher ended up needing an epidural and instrumental delivery but the ultimate thing is that mum & baby are safe and well. So try not to worry too much (and know that literally every other mother has worried about it too!)

I was the same. Terrified. Hypnobirthing helped to mad eve feel like I could cope.

I was hoping for a water birth but my little one was in such a rush to get out I never got the chance. I had the best birth I could have imagined.. contractions started at 9pm on my due date didn't get painful until 2am gradually got worse until my waters broke at 5.20am (which had meconium in) so quick dash to the hospital I was fully dilated 20 minutes of pushing and baby was here by 7am!
My contractions were just bearable enough to not need any pain relief and the pushing/actually giving birth burns like a motherf*cker but easier to do than I imagined.

My friends couldn't believe my luck as they had terrible births enough to put them off having more kids but what will be will be my love and if you need that epidural you have it do what you need to do and that feels right for you!

Good luck!

Induced, 2 hr labour and only given 2 paracetamol. It hurt but not so terrible. I'd do it again put it that way.

You know what? Don't fret about 'chickening out'. If you want an epidural, you can have one. It's not a crime to not have a hypno-water birth accompanied by whale song and an organic doula! Comfort yourself that there are lots of options and do what you want and need.

I was my mum's 3rd child and epidurals had only just become available when she had me (if I understand correctly) so she had one for the first time with me and thought it was bloody great!

Can't advise on experience myself as I was always going to have to have a c-section due to a medical condition (NB, always made me very sad to hear women feel sad or failures for having a c-section - both of mine were great, thanks)

I think as someone else has said people cope with and manage the pain in different ways. I would encourage you to share your concerns with your midwife, and go along to the NHS antenatal courses. We did nhs and Nct classes and whilst both were interesting the nhs was more practically useful and gave good nuts and bolts style information, we felt well informed after the day we had at our local hospital.
I had two very different births, one induced which ended in ventouse and the second which was relatively fast and without pain relief. What's important to remember is that it's one of those lifetime experiences that you will always remember and due to some magical hormones etc you will remember it positively. I remember reading in a pregnancy magazine that it's interesting to ask your grandmother about her babies births, I asked my grandma and she was able to accurately recount all three of her babies being born, down to positions she gave birth in, etc. It's something you will remember and be proud of yourself that you accomplished, irrespective of how the baby arrives, including caesarean, it's an exciting day however it happens.

Never underestimate the power of gas an air lol. There's no need to be scared. Yes labour and birth hurt like crazy but there is nothing like the moment the baby's head comes out and you hear their little voice for the first time. It was incredible. My son didn't come out screaming like I always thought all babies do, he was just making sweet little newborns sounds and hearing that spurred me on to persevere in spite of the agony and get that little man out. Then the amazing moment when you first see the baby. Yes childbirth is crazy painful but it is absolutely more than worth it and it's true you do forget the full horror of it a few days later. :)

You will be surprised by what you can cope with.

Just have an ideal and go with what you want at the time... don’t get your heart too set on a specific date plan.

I wanted a water birth too ( but i progressed so quickly I was fully dilated by the time I got to hospital and it was time to push )

I didn’t have time then... but if I did I would have tried it and although the goal was for a natural birth .... i wasn’t going to say no to an epidural if I needed it ( I gave birth on the main ward due to lack of time and honestly didn’t care found it fine / so don’t feel like you are missing out too
Much if you want to get the full pain relief options )

Try not to be scared I know it’s an apprehensive time but you will be well looked after x and your baby will be totally worth it x x

Another vote for the positive birth company digital pack!

I had a water birth with gas and air for the last few hours.

Good luck, you'll be brilliant!

I'm due with my baby in about 2 months and I'm excited but also nervous because I'm only 19, 20 in 5 days, and the pregnancy was a mistake! I'm not ready to have a baby !!!

Hypnobirthing, hypnobirthing, hypnobirthing! Also TENS machine, honestly I can't recommend these two things enough.

My attitude to birth was there is very little point in being afraid of it - particularly the first time. It has to happen one way or another, so I didn't really waste time fretting over it. I learned what I could about the process and the possible interventions/pain relief and went from there. I made a birth plan as found it useful to organise my thoughts about each stage, although I knew things may well not go "to plan". I also avoided birth horror stories and took those I did come across with a pinch of salt (someone else's experience wouldn't necessarily be mine after all).

I had two lovely births using my TENS and hypnobirthing techniques. First was a drip induction, which was one thing that worried me a fair bit, but it was perfectly fine. I also had an episiotomy, which also worried me beforehand, but again it was fine. Second was a wonderful water birth (would highly recommend the pool) and I am sad I won't be able to do it all again one day!

Trust your body to do what it's designed to do. And take all the drugs you're offered!