okay, am getting really nervous now. all advise welcome!!!!!!!

[tinytoessize4]

haven't posted before, lurked though. lol am due on friday, was all geared up for natural homebirth but am absolutely terrified now. is first baby, normal midwife on annual leave, rang midwife two days ago as thought i was in labour - was told as it was my first that it was probably a false alarm. can't quite recognise when the contractions start and stop, constant back pain, leaking etc. poor partner stayed home yesterday as was in a right state! am seriously considering changing birth plans and opting for a ceasarean (family history of stillborn and complications - hypotension, large babies) and general anaesthetic, all out and gas oven in etc etc. am so tired of being preggers and not sleeping properly, not sure im mentally prepared for a natural anymore. have been told by my midwife team that i can only have gas and air and that if they see any distress itl be off to the hospital anyway, by which time i reckon il have freaked out. any tips on whether this is normal reaction to idea of intense pain with only partner for support (though he is a physio and i am a nurse)? please advise as to ceasarean pain relief - epi versus GA? and reassurance. have midwife appt tomorrow with locum mw then nothing until 42 weeks. by which point eep eep eep.

would rather be in control of complications than have an emergency complication. what do you all think?

hello tinytoes you need to take some deep breaths!
have you been to antenatal classes? have you learned any breathing or relaxation techniques?
is there someone calm who can come and stay with you?
how abot a nice deep lavender bath

"have been told by my midwife team that i can only have gas and air" why so?

would rather be in control of complications than have an emergency complication.

why do you think you will a complication? how has your pg history been so far?

CS is not an easy option by the way. in terms of risk, it is certainly not the safest way to give birth. there is a long recovery time, and it isn't pain free!
(I have had one CS, one forceps birth btw. in terms of recovery , the vaginal birth even with forceps was so much easier in every way)

I have to go for a while tts4 but I will read again later
STAY CALM
your body is designed to do this.
you can do this.
I have every confidence in your ability to give birth.

tinytoes, so sorry you are feeling like this. I know that the couple of days before my ds (first baby too) was born i was in a right tizz, absolutely positive that i wasn't going to cope and that it was all going to be a disaster - i had a homebirth planned and actually it all went really well, albeit with a long labour. Obviously you have to decide what you want to do - not sure they will "let" you just have a cs if there isn't any need. But i just wanted to say that how you are feeling is probably relatively normal.
Maybe bear in mind that although a cs with "the works" gives an immediate solution, you may end up with a much longer recovery time and you will have to be in hospital for a while (but maybe you won't mind that, being a nurse!) - i can't say how much i appreciated being in my own world at home after my ds was born. All the best to you and yes, have a deep, relaxing bath, take some rescue remedy (this really helped me in labour, unbelievably!) - look forward to hearing when the LO arrives.

oh, what you're feeling is completely normal, big hugs!! It's a HUGE thing that's happening in your life and to your body so don't think you shouldn't be nervous!
If you can, try to relax by doing whatever it is you enjoy - walking, dvds, chatting to friends etc. As regards painrelief, hard to know what to say as it varies so much from person to person but I found gas & air fine, in fact, great and I went for a homebirth. Remember you could start at home and go in at any time if you change your mind (i did this). It was still nice to have laboured at home for some of the time. HTH

I've never had a cs - I've had two normal deliveries - both with just gas and air and both painful (yes it hurts like hell!!) but I was up on my feet straight afterwards and home the following day - you have a cs and you're off your feet for a few days, not able to drive a car for quite a while and pretty much reliant on everyone else. CS's are not the safer option.

Presumably you've told your mw about the medical problems with your family and vaginal births etc? If you have she wouldn't suggest a normal delivery if she felt you or baby were at risk.

You'll be fine. We all have to go through it for the first time - no-one knows what its like until you experience it yourself - just remember what you'll have in your arms afterwards!!

tinytoes - lots of sympathy - it's a scary thing especially first time round when you don't know what you're in for.

Just try to keep yourself calm, and save your energy for when you'll need it. With my first baby there was a 48 hour build up to full blown labour during which time I had contractions every 10 minutes, back pain, throwing up etc - and was told repeatedly I 'wasn't in labour' which is pretty galling! With hindsight I wore myself out fretting about everything before things really kicked off.

The main thing is - keep talking to your midwife. Get as much sleep and rest as you can, and remember that although this stage feels like an eternity, at the end of it you will have a baby and that's when the real excitement starts!

Good luck

thanks for replying all. realise that cs isn't an easy option, but think that being a nurse isn't the best background on which to approach childbirth (know too much about the wrong things). so far pregnancy history has involved: hypotension, two cases of SROM with foetal monitoring, tilted uterus, raging uti, anaemia,. am rhesus neg (which i know isn't a prob much as had antiD but considering I fainted from that well..). constant lumbar pain; had the quickest positional determining scan in the world i reckon (oh look, you've a baby in there. yep, head in right direction, bye). told only gas and air as the midwife team cannot administer anything else at home (really wanted it at home to begin with). went in to the hospital when the SROM occured and was almost induced as consultant thought i was someone else; second consultant said during internal 'crikey, is that an immaculate conception? don't think its going to fall out any time soon with a pelvis that tight.' Have been reading Sheila Kitzinger and others, and doing breathing techniques but eep eep eep. much rather cut out the middle man and opt straight to sleep, seems a cop out but the time is getting close and feel like caged animal. partner (physio) has checked out my back and diagnosed mild SPD. am thinking oh no. thanks for all the reassurance is helping. i know billions of women from time began have been doing this but still makes me want to clench legs and say, find alternative route please.

I think what you're feeling is quite normal - I remember suddenly realising that this baby is going to have to come out of me one way or another and having a right panic!

Does your hospital have a 'home from home' type birth suite? I opted to do that rather than a home birth, so it was in a nice room, lots of bean bags, sofa, etc and emphasis on a natural birth BUT with the knowledge that if you really couldn't handle the pain or if there were any complications then you were in the hospital already with everything on hand. I found that just knowing that I could have more pain relief if I wanted it helped me deal with the labour - as it turned out just when I got to the stage when I thought I'd quite like some pain relief the baby came out!

Like others have said, remember your body is designed to do this and produces loads of its own pain relief hormones without you even realising it.

I've not had a CS but from what friends have told me about recovering afterwards I'd go for a natural birth if you have the choice.

It might be a bit late now but yoga/breathing exercises really helped me. Also in my yoga classes they showed videos of births which really helped me to calm down and realise its not that bad!

Good luck, hopefully you won't have too long to wait!

I agree that what you're feeling is normal - I do also think that it is natures way of preparing you for the birth by making you so fat, tired, achey and fed up by 40 weeks that you just want to get on with it

Well done you for wanting a home birth - I would have loved one but chickened out and went into hospital. In the end it was a straighforward delivery with gas and air that I could have done at home, but then, hindsight's a wonderful thing!! I am so glad I didn't have pethadine or an epidural (no matter how much I was yelling for them!), as it meant I was alert and able to work with my body during the pushing, and also able to get straight up and into the bath after!

I know everyone's said this, but try and stay relaxed, accept that it will hurt a lot, and remember to breath deeply and slowly through the contractions as they progress. Take a bath whenever you feel like it, the water is very soothing, and try and stay mobile as this will help things along. Just make yourself as comfy as possible with whatever you want around you.

Stay hydrated - DH was feeding me energy drinks through the last 30 mins and this really helped me.

Stay calm and I wish you lots of luck.

are you sure you cannot have pethidine or meptid at home? double check with that

you can labour in the bath or just walking around , being at home and feeling comfortable might help more than you think

it is normal to have major anxiety and fear at this stage, of course it is ! try to get hold of some Ina May Gaskin, Sheila Kitzinger, janet Balaskas , Penny Simkin et al , all good books that will help remind you that this is a normal physiological process

better to start labour at home, and transfer in, cannot transfer home from hospital to labour!

and if you do elect for c.s, which i don;t think is neccesarily the best thing, definitely not GA as you will miss vital bonding moments with the baby..and it is major surgery which carries its own risks

It is scary, but don't panic. You can change your mind at any time. I think its important to stay calm and relaxed. By having a homebirth you are preparing for 'best-case scenario' where you will have the birth you want in comfortable familiar surroundings. I don't think about 'worse-case scenario' because I know it will be dealt with at the time if it happens.

I'm due to have my 3rd HB any time, and I can only think of it in terms of the birth I want, not the possibilities of what might happen. Its not that I am burying my head in the sand, but I just can't factor in all the 'what-if's'. By staying positive and relaxed you will help yourself enormously. It is easier said than done, I know. I use a hypnotheraphy CD to relax and stay positive.

Pethedine, as far as I am aware, should be available on prescription from your GP beforehand.

I really hope it goes well for you. Do whatever you feel is right at the time - you may well surprise yourself and all being well, you certainly won't regret it.

Is there another person who can also support you (eg mother/friend who has been through it) ? I had DD1 at hospital (full intervention E CS) but then 2 HBs (v quick) and getting in the right frame of mind and the right support really helped. DH is now a massive fan of HB. You can always start off at home and transfer - the MW will know - have faith in them ! You can always transfer if you need/want to (eg failure to progress etc), can you get a MW who will come with you to hospital ? That way you can get continuity.
However, having it at home is great - your own comforts etc etc etc. Oh and I bought a birthing homeopathy kit - expensive but worth it from the birthcentre has about 20 remedies and a guide for pre, during and post ....

Bit late to this, you might already be off to your appt.

Here are a few links for you to read which I hope will help you to regain some confidence:

Hormones in labour just a quick recap of how your body works in labour, gently inspiring.

Natural childbirth myths check ou tthe whole site too!

Pelvises I have known and loved by Gloria Lemay.

It is totally normal to get the wobbles at this stage! Especially as over the last 100 years or so we have been led to believe that our bodies will fail us by the medical profession. Birth is not an illness and the interventions should be reserved for their vital life saving use instead of being routine.

You CAN do this, it WILL be hard, and it is preferable to have some experienced female support. Have you a female relative or friend who is positive about labour who you can look to for support?

Take your nurse's head off, put on your mother's head and think positive. Maybe even call a Doula for a chat to get some perspective.

well...had appointment, had discussion with my auntie (who was also going to be my doula - and still is) and partner (bless his cotton socks). talked it through and have decided to opt back to the original idea of homebirth with option to transfer to hospital for c-section. midwives weren't very errmmm...basically stated that according to the protocol as i had reached term tomorrow they would have to transfer my care to the hospital anyway, irregardless of what my birth plan was. so have consultant appointment for induction if nothing happens next wednesday. eep eep eep. not a happy bunny as wanted to avoid induction in any scenario. so pineapple, long walks and lots of lovin' is the order of the day. lol....was thinking if worse comes to the worse im handy with a needle and thread, bottle o whisky and clean fish knife.

ps, thanks klaw have just read the links and found the pelvises i have known and loved good. think that the worst of the worry wobbles is over and what i need is a good lay down.

You're only 40 weeks hun, there's 2 more to go till you're ACTUALLY at term. You can do this, you are woman, you are strong...

aww, bless you wise klaw...will you be my doula? i know i can, just last minute doubts and frets. haven't been that impressed with the maternity services to date, but knew what it would be like. grr grr grr. have curled up like with chocolate and hot cocoa and soothing music on radio.

I would if you live near me, but am sure your Aunt will do a sterling job!

But ask away anything you need to as I will be only too glad to offer soothing words along side Lulu, Mars and the other fabulous ladies here, my senile brain can't bring any other names to the fore, unfortunately, sorry....

Marks & Spencers curries are HOT HOT HOT...washed down with a bottle of red wine...did the trick for me. I can remember sitting in the back garden trying to cool down (it was that HOT!) and it was snowing and my neighbour stuck her head over the fence and asked if I was ok!!! Later that night my waters went!!

Stay positive and focused. You can do this!! Breathing techniques and remembering to properly relax between contractions worked wonders for me. Gas and air is brill! It'll take the edge off the pain while enabling you to feel in control and that you're actively giving birth. I had my dcs on just G and A and felt hugely empowered by the whole experience. Everyone gets scared as the Big Day approaches - but honestly, you'll be fine!

Hi tinytoes. god, really feeling for you, as I have just got home from hospital myself yesterday after having DD on wednesday. Trying to think of helpful info for you (in my sleep deprived haze!).

One thing, I delivered on just gas and air, but it wasn't until I went of later to have stitches and had it again that I realised it had NO effect during labour as all I did was take 2 quick puffs as I started pushing. Suck it up like a suction monster! You'll know it's working when you feel a bit drunk. Wish I'd realised that during labour and sucked on it the way through the 2nd stage.

My other tip, hot curry seems like a good idea (and tbh it might even have been the thing that worked for me) but I regretted it the next day when trying to go the loo, painfully and messily while contracting and balancing a frickin tens machine .

Good luck, try and stay calm (actually lavender on a tissue was suprisingly calming for me between pushing), you'll be great!

just an update really...have finally managed to get a good kip, clear head and think positive. am tidying up between rests as i write. had long long discussion with my dearest mama and auntie - both retired nurses, one a mum, one not (you can work out which is which). both worked as old school midwives for a bit, it was that time when training involved every area. and have got back to militant homebirth standpoint again (mainly cos im contrary and mainly because the mw at the drs i saw was so blase and not fussed. and said i couldn't have one now even if i wanted one. nhs choice my foot.). have almost got everything apart from a space blanket if gonna go into shock and waterproof blanket to protect carpet and bed. am now thinking, bring it on, roar roar. just worried that the pain would be like the dysmenorrhoea i used to suffer from (is probably gonna be ten times worse) or the trigeminal neuralgia where i used to pass out from the pain. but we'll see. lol. im a natural fretter, terrible.